Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

My DH and I discuss this a LOT!!

@FofB People just make poor, short sighted decisions- with no sensible thought to the future.
100% agree with this! I would also argue that SO many people think TOO much about the future rather than the now. They have this idea of a ‘dream’ life and stop at nothing to get that, regardless of how stressful their lives are in the present. They then end up achieving it but haven’t thought of the consequences. People absolutely have more kids than they have capacity for/want/need/can afford, then are surprised when they feel stressed and overwhelmed. People buy houses that are too big and expensive for them, then are miserable when they have to continue working a job they hate to afford it. People buy pets they can’t look after, then are surprised when they are a ‘lot of work’.

People live lives that are expected of them rather than lives they actually want. I honestly think this happens more than not, so many I know are just so overwhelmed and stressed ALL the time.

Some people think that the added stress is worth it. Taking your example, yes, having a dog is more responsibility, there is more to do and we all have finite time. But dogs bring such joy, and are such great stress relievers. I wouldn’t trade my dog for less stress in a month of Sundays. Same with kids, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Everyone has to make their own decision on whether that’s the right thing for them. I personally can’t imagine life without my kids and my dog.

To be fair unless you’ve had a puppy it’s hard to really have a sense of how much work they are.

i know when I got my first puppy I had no idea!

but yes O hear you.

my SIL is like this.

7 kids two cats a dog. She’s bonkers. House is far too small for them all aswell,

now some of them are diagnosed autistic (after a decade or so of “we don’t want to label”)

she home Eds all of them aswell.

Yes, I have a friend who I have known for about 36 years. She has one son and 2 daughters, with 6 years between them, and aged 28, 30, and 34. The 2 older ones still live at home. The 30 y.o. has never left, and the 34 y.o has left 3 times for 5-6 months and come back. The 28 y.o. (the son) has never left, and he has worked around 9 months since he left school. Total bone idle cock lodger who has never paid rent and board. Her DH is as soft as shit and does nothing about it. All 3 DC still live at home. They have a large 4 bed ex council house.

The 2 DD have a baby each now, (live with her too and share the DD's bedroom(s,) and she spends half her spare time babysitting. 'Can't do this, can't do that, can't go there, etc etc, because I'm babysitting' comes up every few weeks from her. She has 2 dogs that need walking several times a day - she always does it, Her older dog died last year and after getting into debt for £7K worth of vet bills, she got another dog. So she still has 2!

She has a 24 hour a week job too. In hospitality. She has an autistic brother who is fairly high functioning, and has his own flat, a mile from her, and she helps him with everyday living, but he is getting a bit scatty and confused (he's 48,) and she's clearing the study out in her house for a bedroom for him, so he can come and live with her. So she is adding him into her chaos now. She has 2 sisters close in age to her, but neither of them do anything to help the brother, neither does her other brother. She also has an elderly aunt who she runs around after getting shopping, and picking up prescriptions, and running her around to places once a week a so, and helping her with chores.

She's always stressed and frazzled and cancelling things as something's come up, with the DC, or her brother, or the dogs, or work, or great untie Pat, or the grandkids, always something, and she keeps on adding shit to her chaos!

I feel exhausted just listening to her sometimes. I have NO idea why she chooses this life. She also has around £45K debt (including the £7K vet bill.)

I couldn't live like this.

Oddly enough when I read the title , the FIRST thing that came into my mind was it must be people with pets.
it’s always people who have their own most difficult situations- they always have a 100 pets too!

I hate the fact that some people get a dog without understanding that they're a living thing, not a stuffed toy. A puppy is not that different to a baby. They need careful nurturing, feeding, training, socialising. If you're not prepared for that then dont get a dog. Because tou don't own a dog, you take care of them.

They are utterly dependent on you. You are their entire world. And they have feelings and emotions and don't cope with being abandoned or mistreated.

Your friend was negligent to get a dog if she's stressed out by having one.

People just make poor, short sighted decisions- with no sensible thought to the future.

My kids were desperate for a rescue cat- I mean, they begged me every week! I made them wait for about 18 months; we didn't have enough spare cash to absorb all the general cat costs AND pet insurance. (Who knew it would be that expensive!) No, I'm not spontaneous, whacky, and I don't 'live for the moment'.

I'm sensible and if the bloody cat develops some sort of issue, I won't need to lie awake at night worrying about how to pay for it because I've hopefully sorted it out before the cat even got here. I'm sure your friend would call people like me dull but I'm ok with that....

I have the same thought about people who have more kids when their lives are already really not fun but that's not the kind of thing you can say out loud

I feel sorry for your friend! Anyone can be made redundant, her partner brings nothing but stress and drama, she’s got a dog which was probably supposed to be a pleasant and happy addition, and her mate’s moaning about her online!

There are definitely people who seem to seek out stress and drama, but on the other hand, there's no perfect time for big decisions like having children or buying houses or getting a puppy. If you wait for the perfect time, you'll never do anything. It's too easy to talk yourself out of doing something because there's always a reason to postpone it.

I have known people like this, and I always wonder why they do it. Have a chaotic life, get a dog, get another dogs, dogs have puppies, keep a couple of puppies, have 4 massive dogs on top of chaos.

I have a health condition, and doctors told me I needed to reduce stress in my life. Easier said than done. I now walk other people's pets voluntarily

I have a close relation like this. Thrives on any drama he can get his hands on.

Some people can't visualise what something will actually be like in reality. Some people like the adrenaline that comes from stress and pressure.

Some people are really cautious and only make very sensible decisions and avoid stress at all costs. That can be a bit dull.

My brother and his wife are like this. They're both comfortably off, educated professionals. They have 4 kids, 2 with SEN and one on anxiety meds. They have twice had to re-home a dog because it's too much, and they keep renovating one house, selling it on and then doing another one. It's like they either can't see the consequences beforehand or just seem to seek out complexity for some reason.

I think she's probably desperate for love and connection, not necessarily drama.

i think I am this friend, except my best friend is similar and we both think each other equally mad but also understand that neither of us wanted the drama in our lives we just wanted our partners and our blended families.

FWIW I think any kind of blended family and multiple kids tends to bring chaos. If your partners ex is difficult and keeps bringing drama to your house (which it always will no matter how much you try to grey rock because the kids are experiencing it too and they bring behaviour that’s a consequence of drama) then there’s nothing you can do except stay or walk away. Once you have kids together even walking away wouldn’t truly end the drama.

I don’t think my partner is useless like your friends is, he’s my absolute rock through all the insanity that is our lives. I do sometimes dream of a drama free life but I don’t dream of a life without him or my step-kids in it just one that is less stressful.

also, I won’t get a dog because I know I can’t handle the stress and am always trying to fund ways to reduce our load, it’s just that life seems to keep throwing stuff at us.

YANBU

It’s a way of deflecting and keeping their minds off of the real issues.

Its like when a relationship is failing and they plan to have a baby.

However, I don’t judge people as I know in my situation my pets were the only thing stopping me from committing suicide during the most stressful periods of my life - perhaps it’s similar to them.

Jesus wept! I actually couldn't listen to her even hinting at stress, because this is utter madness.
Just no!

One of my friends struggles with money. No days out, no holidays etc. Yet they got a puppy and two cats....now less money for their two children and themselves. They don't even walk the dog because they 'don't have time' 😑

That’s far above a standard workload though, and parenting two kids is zone defense compared to one. He was still showing up and taking them to swimming, grumbling about it is just being a tired parent, not 'low-energy.' You recharge by going out and doing things; he recharged through quiet. Different batteries, different reality.

But it is not just a dog. It's anything where the decision making is more complex than yes/no.

SIL, for example, will do something like agree to go for a weekend away with girlfriends. Her thinking is she needs it, needs the break, deserves it. But she doesn't think through the realities - she's a single mum so she has to figure out what to do with the DC and the dog (dad is barely in the picture), plus she has very little money so then she's stressing for months about the cost.

So the trip becomes this source of intense stress both before and after for her. And it all stems from the original decision whcih she made based on her perfectly reasonable desire to have some time away and get a break.

The addition of the horse on the end of all that just creased me up, for some reason!

👶👶👶👶👶🐕🐶🐕‍🦺🐩 🙎‍♂️📝🐎

Some people seem addicted to drama and chaos. Maybe it’s what they grew up with and so need the constant hit of adrenaline because it’s familiar and all they know?

I think people see dogs for 10 minutes or see friends with well behaved dogs and think it looks easy. I also think people have a romantic view of ‘doggy life’ and want to have it - walks in the woods, fresh air, cute well behaved dog. They forget (or don’t realise) that for the other 23 hours a day the beast requires feeding (endlessly if a Labrador), training, they are needy, they chew, they bark, they create endless mess/hair/vacuuming/slobber marks, literally everything is either toxic to them or sharp, and above all if you’re a good owner you adore the very bones of them so emotionally it’s like having a child who depends on you. Plus the cost, and the tie. I’ve just been asked on training course at my new role, everyone else is being put up for a week in a hotel, whereas I will have to commute every day or pay £200 for kennels and will probably still have to pay a dog walker £15 a day. i have a relatively quiet chaos free life, and yet I would never have another dog.