Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

I often think this about people who have affairs. When I told my ex I was divorcing him he asked me if there was someone else. I said “Jesus Christ I can’t deal with the one man I have, let alone 2!” 🤣

I think some people genuinely thrive in chaos and drama. My MIL is like this. SIL’s life is nothing short of a nightmare but MIL injects herself into it constantly then moans to DH about it. She’s actively choosing to get involved because she loves the drama. DH and I don’t so we don’t have anything to do with her. Some people are wired differently I guess and love having something to stress about.

I think that type of person and an ambitious successful person have a lot in common. My Dh seems to manage to complicate life unnecessarily and I have to constantly push back, usually it's more minor things like starting a DIY job around the house at a really bad time. But it comes from a sense of never quite being happy with the status quo, he is always trying to change things up. He wants a bigger house, a better car, a longer holiday, to be fitter, to run marathons, etc. He is the same at work and it has served him well in that he has been very successful but it's really frustrating to live with sometimes. He can never just be. My SIL is exactly the same. She is an adrenaline junkie and is constantly doing things to push herself physically and mentally. She could never just spend a weekend chilling out and eating snacks in front of the TV.

Yep. Definitely a cat, an outdoor one with a cat door and a water fountain. Older tho. Not a kitten!

It's a cat. HTH

It's an interesting one I have also lived a simple life (small flat, no partner, no kids, no pets, straightforward job) and i was really unhappy and unfulfilled. Now I am a single parent (1DC), senior job, 'needy' gorgeous house. Life is hectic and super stressful at times, but I love having a 'full life' with lots to do! But I have 1dc and no pets so it's on a different scale than OP was talking about!!

I know quite a few people who seem to love stress and chaos
more kids they can’t afford, awful partners they won’t leave, staying in jobs they hate, awful friends, poorly behaved kids they don’t actually seem to do anything about, debts they can’t afford, shagging horrible men then later crying the men are horrible

I just nod now and say “oh that’s a shame” or something because I realise that some people truly love drama

We all have such different energy levels and capacity, it's interesting!

I found having a puppy more hard work than a newborn baby tbh. I don't think think people realise how destructive a puppy can be.
However, I was a bit like your friend a decade ago. I had 3 DC, a DH working long hours and away working a fair bit, a dog, 2 cats and a DS going through an ASD assessment/school refusal. I had also been recently bereaved (my DDad). I then brought a puppy into the mix!
I don't really know what I was thinking! I was reeling after the loss of my DDad, and I just craved having a 'new life' in the house. It was like I wanted to fill my house with as many DC and pets as I could - a house full of life and love.
I have, for the past 3 years, been in long-term therapy, and I think it basically stems back to abandonment issues, grief, a fear of being alone & unloved, and so on.
I'd say I'm working through it!
I do think there are people who thrive on drama though - your friend should definitely get rid of the useless boyfriend.

My DD is like that , has 3 DC . 3 dogs , a parrot, an aquarium. A gecko and two guinea pigs . Self employed in a successful business. One headless chicken.

That is definitely ny view on pets - unfortunately my 9 year old is desperate for one!! Im trying to work out what the simplest/easiest pet is 😬😬

I always think that about people who take on renovation projects. I get the appeal, I did it whilst having a newborn (never again!!). I also have friends who have moved really far from work (ie to an idyllic country cottage in the middle of nowhere) then complain about the commute

I knew this would be about a dog before I even opened the thread. So many people think getting a dog or cat when their lives are shit is going to make everything miraculously better. It doesn’t.

Have a couple of friends like this. I always love spending time with them as they are so interesting and always have so much going on to talk about. I feel so dull in comparison (but simultaneously so relieved!)
Yes. They have dogs and cats. And debts. And relationship dramas. And struggling children.
I think some people just act impulsively and have a picture in their minds of what they would like life to be but no ability to strategically plan for that life. So all decisions are reactions rather than plans.

To be honest, she'd probably rather talk about her dog stresses than her redundancy or crap partner stresses. It shifts the focus onto something more pleasant even if it's also a bit stressful.

The hassle is a large part of why I am not a criminal. Which I guess is the point of laws. 😁

My morals are quite flexible, but I am also extraordinarily lazy...

Some people can never think things through. The worst is when people have several kids, are in dodgy relationships, and then get pregnant again with a new partner they've known for five minutes. I never ever understand people like that. Or men who are hopeless fathers and then get their new girlfriend pregnant. Some people are just mentally incontinent.

Everyone has dogs where I live. I don't get it. In fact, I feel that having a dog is infantilising. Unless you're rolling in money and have people to look after your dog, you're really restricting your life.

I was raised by a chaotic family and have to actively choose and fight to not be chaotic myself. Some people are drawn to chaos like moths to a flame. Undiagnosed adhd was a big factor for me too. Now Incan recognize when I’m dopamine seeking a bit easier.

I'm currently questioning every single day why I chose the life I have (4 kids, 3 autistic, shit house, unemployable) I might as well get myself a horse for good measure (joking!)

It does sound like your friend has created another responsibility and cause of stress for herself @Glummballs .

But, we're all mystified by other people's life choices sometimes, aren't we, I know that I certainly am!

I was just thinking about this the other day I don't understand why somebody wants to get a dog when they have a useless partner a bunch of small kids and they're just adding a dog to their existing mess.

They know that the useless partner and the kids are not going to feed or walk the dog they will be stuck doing it. it makes no sense to me either

I have a friend like this. Really worried about money, taking work through Acas to wfh (been refused as no real reason) as she can’t afford the petrol 3x week (45min drive). Gets a puppy. Now wants to go out out (despite being along) but we all have to work around the dog. Needs a sitter for the dog as she’s just booked a holiday she can’t afford at half term.

another friend just been made redundant, after spending the £30k on a Disney holiday for 3 people. Now moaning she only lives in a 3 bed detached and she’s really miserable about her new job because she has to work so hard.

I'd guess she wanted something that would love her unconditionally, and not ever be nasty and shout at her like partners/kids. And having a dog is very beneficial for health. Not saying it's a good idea, or fair on the pet, though.

Second paragraph is also correct imo

I don’t agree that people are cautious, I think some people just see the “bigger picture” 4/5 kids is extremely busy and expensive so you’d need to be earning a lot of money and live in a large house to decide to have this many kids (you’d think) and puppies require time to train and then time and money to look after so again - have a think… look ahead… focus on the reality… Some people don’t look forward, make a plan, consider whether they have the time/energy/means to facilitate their decisions…