Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

She probably has ADHD. Those types of brains need the stimulation of stress and drama so they make choices that will increase their stimulation. It’s the only logical conclusion, otherwise they’d make the choices that make their lives simpler and calmer.

Some people have poor inpulse control or do not think things through properly - others like the drama.

Sometime though I do think you can be too cautious - and miss out on good things - I suspect I've been these last few years talk out of doing things that would have been short term hard but long term paid off.

Sometimes I know in our lives we have planned then unexpected things happen - last pg at 6 months I should have forseen a global econimic downtrun that took everyone else by surprise.

Best thing in my life kids, pets and DH and yes even buying a house- all of which someone tried to tell me was a terrible idea and would make my life awful.

No, I'm not sure. They know what they're doing will cause stress in many cases.

You see the same thing at work. Complaining that they're close to burnout and you feel sorry for them and think what bastards the bosses are, then you see how they themselves take on more and more work and do it in the most complicated way possible and you realise they NEED this stress somehow.

Yes also those families really struggling then ruefully say they are pregnant with a third. Why?!?

I think this every time someone has a(nother) child! Imagine thinking "Yeah life is easy enough..." Can't relate!

That’s true about weddings. Erm you are making all of these decisions about your ‘big day’, and making it stressful for yourself! There is absolutely no need (imo).

I know a couple like this at work

I used to work with them both but he moved on

Every single shift has a new drama of their own making and then one of them will cry about it

Its very draining and takes up most of the managers time

If I hear the line 'this affecting my mental health' just one more time,I will scream (they've created the bloody stress in the first place!)

She just back after her maternity leave and the baby is another layer to all this shite-plus they got a puppy just before she gave birth

They are finding that a working breed without a job to do is harder work than a baby,but they got it because 'it's cute'

Some people just love the drama (we love it more when they are off due to their mental health and work is drama free)

I don’t have children but I can visualise how hard it would be with them. Same as if I was to have a puppy. Or have a career as a high flying lawyer. No thank you.

I have health reasons for keeping my life simple (which may look dull to others).

I do think some people thrive off of being busy and important though and some people are also martyrs.

Immediate gratification and poor impulse control.

I got a dog (puppy) at seemingly a bad time. I had an autistic child out of school, was going through EhCP tribunal process. I was a single co-parent, working full time. And yes 3 years on he does add some stress to my life, like having to get up earlier to walk him, getting dog by day care for when I’m in office/want to go out.

But he transformed my anxious, almost agoraphobic dc a t a horrible time in her life. He helped her enormously and probably me too. He makes life a bit harder, but now in a house of teens he pays me far more attention than them (and is often the only one pleased to see me 😂)

I mean my life would be less stressful without dc too, but I made that daft decision twice too!

I’m always amazed at the number of my friends who aren’t coping with multiple kids under 5 and then decide to get a dog. Why.

@Dontlletmedownbruce @Yellowchair1 Funnily enough, I was thinking of a couple of people I know like this when I commented upthread about others making life choices that I don't personally understand!

I know people IRL who devote most of their lives to work, for example, or put their bodies through physical stress for a sport that I personally view as rather pointless, but it makes them happy, so it's the right life choice for them. Same with pets, I know people who are into their pets to an extent that I can't comprehend even though I have a dog myself.

But we're all different!

The thread title is exactly what goes through my head whenever I hear a pregnancy announcement from people who already have children! I'm genuinely happy for those going from 0 to 1 since it's an important life experience and there may have been fertility issues along the way.

However 1 to 2 (or more) often feels like a decision made because you're supposed to provide siblings rather than genuinely enjoying the life with two kids. I do not know anyone around us who had an effortless transition from 1 to 2. A lot of marriages end up in divorce because of the extra stress and the problems ALWAYS started after the birth of the first or second child. However some families limp on for years or even a decade before the parents finally split.

Having another baby is the most avoidable source of needless stress you could ever have. Right after getting a dog or cat.

I don't sympathise a lot with parents who have 3+ kids and then expect everyone around them to be their village. Like driving their kids to parties, having one over for playdates while they're dealing with siblings schedules etc. As the one and done (calm DD, great life atm), I'm always roped into being designated driver for parents who can't get their shit together because they had too many kids.

Weddings can also get stressful, all the who to invite, what to eat, do we ask for no gifts, guests having to spend hundreds on travel. Much easier to go to a register office with two witnesses then go to Wetherspoons for a mixed grill. But I understand people enjoy the party and getting together with family.

Your post resonated with me. I have one DC, and don't understand women who have loads of children and who then complain about the cost, the drudgery, the mental load, the chaos etc of having all those children. It comes with the territory, surely?

We don't have a dog because the tie and the commitment of owning one is something I am not prepared to undergo.

Totally agree. There are often posts on here about people who have far too much on in their life or can’t afford things. Then you read that they have a dog(s) and or several children.
Dogs require time and money spent on them. If you haven’t got spare time and money then your children will suffer.

Don't forget being woken up in the night because the dog wants to go out/walk about/bark at the wind. And don't get me started on staying in a hotel with ddog! She barked at all the strange sounds. I'm saying now that we'll never have another dog, but I've realised from this thread that I must have poor impulse control!

I’m beginning to wonder if my dog is a figment of my imagination, as I don’t recognise the chaos and stress of being a pet owner that’s been mentioned here.

Once out of the puppy stage, of course.

I have a relative like this and they do seem oblivious to understanding that they are the cause of their own self-inflicted problems
Overlapping bad men and poor financial decisions that you just wonder what on Earth are they thinking? And then wanting to unload all their drama on you like they don't understand why their life is this way but like you said they don't want to hear any type of advice because they also know so much better than you, so then you just end up being there dumping ground

Totally agree OP, I know too many with chaotic lives running around with kids in nursery other children at different schools, after school clubs coming out of their ears, cats and dogs, crazy jobs. Some people know no other way.

I have a friend of 35 years who is like this.Her divorce after years of her trying to fix her deadbeat husband, only to then immediately get with another walking red flag, has completely tested our friendship.The list of terrible boyfriends in our teens and 20s was fine - we were all into the drama then- now it's tiresome and I just don't want to hear her problems when they are all self inflicted and she won't take advice.Plus a dog awful housing and financial decisions, work dramas. She would be so much better on her own but just overlaps awful men.

Because everyone needs to have good things in their life? I could have much less stress if I didn't keep all my many pets, didn't garden, didn't do voluntary work, but what's the point in a life where you just work and watch TV? The stress is proportional to the joy!

I agree with this. Some people are driven to start businesses and take huge risks and others take on iron man challenges which push their bodies to the limits. They just like a challenge and seek out things which others might call 'needless stress'

Because they think the new thing, whatever it is, will make them into a new and better person.

Your friend no doubt saw herself as this chilled person, taking the dog out for healthy, relaxing exercise - the dog being her new best friend, her becoming an outdoorsy, competent, country walks kind of person - a whole new vision of life, the chaos magically melting away.

Unfortunately, the new thing, whatever it is, rarely has those magical powers and at best, the person has the same life with a new thing in it, at worst, as has happened to your friend, the new thing adds to the existing problem.