I know this is going to sound ridiculous to some people, but honestly, I'm at the point where I need outside opinions. About a month ago, my husband and I had a massive argument about money.
We both earn very good salaries and, until recently, earned roughly the same. We were comfortable and had always done things 50/50 financially. I got a promotion and my salary went up by almost 50%.
I agreed that my extra income should mostly go towards savings, investments and my pension. I still wanted us to keep contributing 50/50 towards the mortgage, bills, groceries and the children's day to day expenses. We have three teenagers, so that's already a substantial amount.
We have a joint account for household expenses and then separate personal accounts. The agreement has always been that once we've paid our share of the household costs, our personal money is our own. We don't interrogate each other about what we spend it on.After my promotion, I increased my own allowance slightly because I wanted to pay for some wellness treatments, skincare, shopping and a club membership.
My husband then decided that because I'd got a pay rise, he should get more personal spending money too. I basically said, "Why?”That did not go down well.After a massive argument, I actually offered him another £1,000 a month from my increased income. He refused. He basically told me to "have fun with my money" Fine. Except apparently it wasn't fine, because he's been sulking and angry ever since.
We're still living normally. We do things together, we're still a couple, we love each other, there isn't some huge marriage crisis going on. But we've had ZERO sex for a month. And frankly, I'm getting fed up.
I'm in my mid 40s, I work, I'm stressed, I have hormones doing whatever the hell they want, and yes, I want sex. Quite a lot, actually. I'm not saying my husband owes me sex. Obviously he doesn't. If he doesn't want to have sex, he doesn't have sex. I'm not going to force anyone. But I also don't want our bedroom to become the battlefield for a financial argument. If he's angry with me, let's actually talk about it like two grown adults rather than having a month long sexual standoff.
And here's the part that might make me a complete cow...I'm considering adding him to my wellness plans and club membership next month.
He doesn't know.
Partly because I love him and I'd genuinely like him to enjoy them too. But partly because I want him to realise that I'm not actually trying to keep money away from him. I'm perfectly happy to share things with him. What I'm NOT happy about is the idea that because my salary increased, he automatically gets access to my personal spending money.
I've already offered him an extra £1,000 a month. He said no. So I'm not exactly sure what he's protesting about anymore.
Because from where I'm sitting, we're both being stubborn, but only one of us seems to have decided that withholding sex is an appropriate way of dealing with a bruised ego. I'm just wondering whether I'm being ridiculous for thinking that you can be pissed off with your husband about money AND still want to sleep with him.