Am I unreasonable for wanting sex while my husband sulks about my salary?

I'll bet my house that the OP is the husband here

I agree with that.

I doubt you've always earned roughly the same, especially with kids that old.

What did you do during maternity leave, for example?

You must admit a woman wanting to have sex with a man she's furious with and who's sulking at her is... unusual. Reverse?

Surely, it would be better to share the household salary pot - you both pay whatever fits your salaries, towards household bill, and savings, and you both have similar personal spending money?🤷‍♀️

How would you feel if it was the other way round?

More likely just straight up bullshit from someone who doesn't know anything about women.

I saw this on Reddit so not sure if this is legitimate but for me threads like this always scream of the set up being shit from the start.

For me being married means we benefit from each other so yes, I’d be sharing my increase. Short of financial abuse/gambling etc I don’t know why you wouldn’t. I’d pool the money, service savings bills etc and then split the difference equally.

The sex part - you have to put up. You don’t have a right to sex and if he doesn’t feel like it whilst you’re fighting you’ll need to sort it out.

Why does it cost more to be a woman? In what way?🤷‍♀️

Whilst it’s always a choice, let’s not pretend that societal expectations of how groomed one should be aren’t different for men and women. A woman can of course choose not to have her hair done, wear make up, wear decent clothes etc but she will be judged for that more than a man would. For example, on a first date the woman is far more likely to have spent far more getting ready than the man is. And no, she didn’t have to, but it would be unusual to not.

Misleading title, he's not sulking about your salary, he's sulking about the uneven split

The fact you casually offered him an extra £1,000 pcm indicates that you just have had quite a whopping pay rise, as presumably that’s just a part of your extra earnings.

Agree with all the PP that it's the 50/50 split that's the issue here. Offering him an extra 1k a month is just awful - like you're giving him pin money.

Maybe he doesn't find arrogance and selfishness sexy?

@arethereanyleftatall

*For example, on a first date the woman is far more likely to have spent far more getting ready than the man is.•

How? Most sane people will wear something that’s already in their wardrobe, and use make-up they already have. They won’t go and have their hair/nails done specially and buy expensive new dress and shoes - more fool them if they do!

Women might spend more time preparing, but that’s not the same as spending more money…. On the contrary, first dates are usually more expensive for men as there’s the expectation amongst many that a man pays the bill!

Pretty harsh to say his ego got hurt. You've got 3 kids, you've built a life together, why isn't it all just family money? My husband earns almost 4 times what I do (and it was double before we had kids and I went part time) - we have exactly the same "fun money" and have since we got married, because we're a partnership and a family. How committed to him actually are you?

It seems quite mercenary to keep such a large pay increase to solely benefit yourself, but tbh I've never understood couples who don't pool resources.

I don't know how it feels ok to have a significantly better standard of living to the rest of your family.

Have a shower, get dressed and head out. Doesn’t cost a thing.

This.
All income should be shared imo..I think you’re being unreasonable and this poster is right that if it was the other way around there would be a different narrative. Who does the housework / childcare / chores????

I'm a female and I've been with my male partner for 11 years. I've always had to pay 50:50 in to our shared expenses (mortgage, bills, children's costs) even on maternity leave (where I depleted my healthy savings). I earn less despite having to work and additional PT job (approx 16-18 hours a week) on top of my FT job.
It's honestly an awful situation. It sounds like your household income is greater than ours so your husband may not be struggling as such, but I still imagine he feels pretty crap about the situation.

If you share children and a life, you should be equals, regardless of what you earn. You should be equally benefitting from your substantial raise.

I am with OP. My money was always mine. My assets were protected when we married. We split household expenses to pay half each though I paid for a number of big ticket items over the years. I worked in a profession with a lot of stress and long hours - back at work six weeks after both children. Family inheritances remained separate. My husband retired in his early sixties as he had a health issue and we lived on my income not touching capital. We've been happily married for over 30 years.

Depending on their finances not necessarily abusive but definitely unreasonable.
Now the OP says that he can have the extra money spent on a wellness package that she decided on his behalf rather than him getting to exercise any discretion. I'm lost for words.

We earn good salaries but different amounts, contribute proportionately and both have the same amount for personal spending that comes from our joint account. The way you’ve written it makes it sound like you’re giving him pocket money each month.

As another poster said, I think this is a reverse.
I would agree with the extra money going where OP has suggested, if the pension money was being split and the other investments are in both names. The idea of one partner having a significantly bigger pension than the other makes me very uneasy. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the other person will benefit, especially if you stay married. The person with the bigger pension could easily choose to not share any draw-downs with their partner.
I out- earn my partner and have always made sure that we make equal pension contributions.

Edit to add: this may or may not apply to other couples, depending on what their income is. It sounds like they both earn well.

I actually dont agree that all income should be shared. IMO the split of the bills should be proportionate to income and there should be a joint pot (proportional) out of which kids clothes, hobbies, events and family holidays comes from and then after that what's left should be personal funds.