To not want LDR boyfriend to stay

I think if it’s DD1 birthday on Saturday she would surely want her boyfriend to stay the night before?

Maybe suggest he stays out of the way most of Saturday morning.

All those DDs mashed my brain!

It's your house. You make the rules. If you say no, it's no.

Regardless of babying / who is right / birthdays / leaving for uni, the decision is yours. And if either of your DD's don't like your choices about what goes in your home, they either tolerate it or don't live there.

Put your foot down @BurnoutGP. 'I'm sorry, but it's a no. My house, my rules.'

I’d think the birthday DD has the most right to decide

Really? I'm going for the 'no unrelated men in my daughter's home if she's uncomfortable about it' camp.

I don't go with my house my rules never have and never will I am not an army leader, at 25 I cant see why he cant stay, sure all the time not on but for a night I see no reason to say no

DD1 is 25, tell her and BF to go stay in a hotel by themselves on Friday night. She should be thinking about leaving home by now anyway. Then they both come for breakfast and presents Saturday morning.

Ofcourse the 18 yo comes first on this occasion. Your 25 yo needs to grow up!

I think in normal circumstances he could stay but honestly who would want a random boyfriend there the night before heading off to uni a couple of hours away? It’s her birthday Saturday so surely he can arrange mid morning after you have set off? I don’t think your youngest being anxious is the issue, nobody would want a stranger in the house while packing to leave home for the first time. It’s a big deal isn’t it leaving home?

That's harsh. It's quite hard out there for youngsters now and there many reasons she's back at mums for a while.

However, the hotel thing isn't a bad idea. Can you @BurnoutGP afford to treat her for a hotel for her b'day? Perhaps throw in a meal out? Maybe she will enjoy that and it solves a problem.

It’s DD2’s last night at home, I think her desire to just have family there should take precedence.

Your dd1 has a history of being awful to dd2. What consequences have you put in place over the years?

your dd2 should come first today regardless.

I’d say to dd1, no bf until dd2 has gone off to uni. It’s a big day for her.

Dd1 sounds pretty horrible.

No worries. I should have gone to bed 😄

I think the LDR should be allowed to stay. You're spending a lot of time with your DD2 on DD1's birthday weekend, so it's only fair that DD2 show her some kindness and agree to the LDR staying over. This is DD2 being kind to DD1, it has to work both ways, and then in the future DD1 can repay the favour.

If DD2 can't cope with a visitor in the house, how will she cope living away at uni? There will be strangers in and out of halls or rented accommodation all day every day, there will be lecture halls and study groups with ever changing faces attending.

I think DD1 is right and this is a small thing for everyone else and big thing for her, so should be accommodated.

It’s not your job to please everyone, it’s your job to prioritise whose needs need to be met in the current situation. The daughter going to uni is the priority.

I don’t see why one daughter gets to be ‘put first’ by the other. They’re two grown adults.

I also think if DD2 can’t cope with her sister having her boyfriend stay over, she’s not going to cope at all well in uni accommodation. There’ll be all sorts of random people around all the time.

Forget everything else - it's YOUR house.
DD1 can't just TELL you that x, y or z is happening.

You can't keep everyone happy, so it's up to you to manage the situation.

If DD1 wants to spend Friday night with her BF, they can both stay at his.
She can join you Saturday morning for presents/cake, then he can come over later on.

Worst case, she doesn't come back to celebrate with DD2. Oh well 🤷‍♀️
DD2 is 18, not 8, she'll get over it.

Good luck to DD2 for starting Uni.

It IS possible to be fair and kind to both, but that doesn't mean giving in to all of their demands.

It's not for DD1 to TELL you that her BF is staying despite you telling her you "weren't happy about it"

YOU need to tell HER that he WON'T be staying Friday night.

That might mean DD1 won't celebrate with her sister in the morning.

So be it.

They aren't close, they don't get on - stop trying to solve that, it's not happening.

Try to give your DD2 a happy birthday and a calm start to Uni life.

You're giving DD1 the opportunity to have the run of the house Saturday night and Sunday. She should be happy with that, and if she's not - tough.

Sorry to de-rail but…What on earth does LDR stand for? Are we all supposed to know (without googling as I now have) that it means Long Distance Relationship? Is this AI messing with thread titles yet again?! Come on Mumsnet!!!

Your older DD is totally unreasonable in this instance: leaving home to go to uni is a big deal. DD1 has moved back home and doesn’t get to dictate. She will have the house to herself once DD2 is gone. Her past grievances aren’t really relevant to the issue and don’t need to be adjudicated to decide this. It’s your house and she’s turning 25 not 15!

Just be prepared for dd1 not to be home at all on Friday. She will likely stay with bf out somewhere.
it’s a very immature row all round really. Dd2 is looking for dd1 to prove her love and put her first, they are siblings, this is not really what happens in reality, especially at their ages.

I think it’s about time DD1 moved out - she needs her independence and to live her life with her boyfriend in the way she wants to. For now, I think he should stay over on another night (it’s only one night after all)

Have deleted what I wrote as I read it as one had the bf staying sat and didn’t want the others bf staying Fri , but it’s the same bf

I think you should have made the decision on what was best. Asking dd 2 and telling dd1 was asking for trouble if they have form for this.