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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask the teacher to support my other twin?

34 replies

Hummingbird233 · 15/09/2026 21:15

Am I being unreasonable to contact the teacher about this?

I have identical twins and they’re in Y5 and doing well at school. Both work hard and have nice friends. Teacher and school are great.

The issue we’re experiencing is that twin1 seems to be winning much more in the past 6 months - awards in school and outside in hobbies, and it’s starting to make twin2 feel very sad. Most of these have resulted from class/club voting or teacher selection, versus winning a race etc.

WIBU to email the teacher, who is lovely, and explain, asking if they could find something to award twin2? The school are handing out various roles within the school this term and I think it would really boost twin2 to receive something. I’m not trying to interfere with democracy, but it’s very hard being identical twins and having the direct and constant comparison.

I’d like to ask for their sake, but won’t if I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2026 21:37

It’s really hard - my twins are 15. I have taught them that we are each other’s cheerleaders and sometimes one will shine/get awards etc and we are happy for them because over life it’ll balance out and they will both have moments in life that are theirs and they must not ruin each other’s successes, just celebrate.

They’ve really embraced this… gcse results day is not one I’m looking forward to though. Toughest test of my parenting yet.

Ralstan · 15/09/2026 21:36

NormasArse · 15/09/2026 21:33

I think you absolutely can speak to the teacher about how T2 is struggling with this. It isn’t your everyday circumstance, so talking about kids learning resilience is simplifying the issue.
Im not sure you can ask for an award, but you can certainly make the teacher aware.

Youre right and im sorry if my post came across as simplifying the issue.it must be much more difficult with twins

StolenTeapots · 15/09/2026 21:35

Yanbu at all. Twins are really complex in dynamics and that needs to be carefully handled

NormasArse · 15/09/2026 21:33

I think you absolutely can speak to the teacher about how T2 is struggling with this. It isn’t your everyday circumstance, so talking about kids learning resilience is simplifying the issue.
Im not sure you can ask for an award, but you can certainly make the teacher aware.

JLou08 · 15/09/2026 21:29

I don't think you can ask. I'd be tempted to casually drop it in conversation though, very lighty "oh twins one keeps winning all these awards and twin 2 is feeling a bit rubbish. He always tries his best". They might not even realise that there is such a difference in awards. Or they may do and think that's just how it goes.

Original poster
Hummingbird233 · 15/09/2026 21:28

I hear you.

It’s tricky as they’re in the same class (single entry school) so have exactly the same opportunities at the same time.

I have another child and they’re able to take winning and losing because it’s not the same situation or timing. They can understand that they’ll win and lose at different times.

But with my twins, twin2 can see he’s repeatedly losing out whilst twin1 wins. It’s hard to celebrate their success when the other is feeling so upset but it. They love each other and it’s very unfortunate one has won so much more than the other in a short space of time.

OP posts:
Ralstan · 15/09/2026 21:24

This is very common in siblings. Or between any children.

I think its important to teach our children resilience. There will always be people cleverer sportier more artistic musical etc tha. Us who win prizes.

Im sure thus us harder with twins if there is a discrepancy in ability.

But I don't think emailing the teacher is a good idea.not everyone can win.

Original poster
Hummingbird233 · 15/09/2026 21:19

If it helps or adds any context, both are lovely kids and often praised by the teachers for their behaviour. Twin2 is the more reserved of the two, hence why I think they’re missing out over twin1 who is a little more outgoing and confident.

OP posts:
Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 15/09/2026 21:17

I don’t think you can ask them to award twin 2 something. But you can definitely email them and let them know twin 2 is struggling with confidence and self esteem at the moment and ask if there is anything that can be done at school to help support them. You could explain that they are comparing themselves to twin 1 who is doing well with awards and you are concerned that they have a negative view of themselves. But don’t ask for an award. Let twin 2 be awarded something they’ve earned