Son working Christmas 🫠

I understand that this feels so sad, like an end of an era.

Are you going to do dinner and presents once he comes home after his shift? This might help you stretch out the best bits of Christmas Day? You can then all have a lovely relaxed Boxing Day where hopefully DS isn’t working.

We always had Christmas dinner later anyway throughout my childhood. I also worked in a restaurant before I went to uni. I’d always pick Christmas as it was great fun and I loved going out with friends on NYE. We used to have a lovely Christmas, get up early to open stockings, I’d go to work and everyone would be in high spirits and I’d make loads of tips! Then back to my family and we’d have dinner, open presents, play games, etc.

Christmases change each year with children, it’s something to embrace! Now I host my parents!

Not the same but I have a teen stepchild who splits the day between his mum and his dad's homes. We tend to do a big breakfast and then have dinner in the evening so whether he's with us for breakfast or dinner time it's still a substantial festival meal. We do Xmas crackers with a fry up etc 😂

Spouse and daughter of front line service workers here - people working Christmas Day is normal for me! It's great that you're coming here to share how you feel rather than making a big song and dance of it to him, I totally appreciate that you weren't really expecting it so soon.

I'd ask him which bits of the day he wants to do once he's home and which bits he doesn't really mind missing (his answers might surprise you!). For example, we've never shifted Christmas dinner late as it's too much food and hassle later in the day so we save them a plate if they're at work but they might insist we not watch Strictly until they're home. For what it's worth, it's always felt Christmassy for me as everyone is usually in a good mood and so on! I hope it goes well for you all and that you don't feel too wobbly about it.

I have worked in hospitality and had to work Christmas Day finishing at 5pm .

so we just had a later dinner and the children and dh spent the afternoon playing with their new toys.

dd and ds have both worked in hospitality from noon - 9pm meaning we celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day. Dh and I had Christmas dinner one year just us two watching Mary Poppins!

I alternate between Christmas and New year each year, my managers decided that this was the fairest way to do it. I work in the care sector. when it is my year to work Christmas we move Christmas to the 27th December. my kids are now adults and only 1 has left home. This works for us as it means that my kids can spend the Christmas day I work their partner.

If one of our DC (similar ages) was working Christmas, I would also say nothing but words of encouragement to them (and can also see why working in a pub Xmas Day will be a much nicer vibe with hopefully lots of tips)…but I would actually be TOTALLY GUTTED 😂

So YA def NBU. Christmas is the BIG SHOW!! And I love spending it with my family.

So big sympathies for you OP. But well done for saying nothing to him xx

My son worked Christmas day last year, he's a support worker and he volunteered because he said lots of his colleagues have young children and he doesn't. I was really proud of him! We had the big Christmas dinner on Boxing Day instead.

Just do xnas day on Xmas eve or Boxing Day instead….

What hours is he working?

could you do Xmas dinner Xmas eve?

Nice breakfast and then presents and buffet dinner when he gets home?

It’s nice that he’s chosen to have NYE off as wants to go to the family party.

I don't mean to diminish what you feel but just want to add perspective. I would be so so happy if this were my worry about my son and Christmas. As it stands he has significant mental health issues and I don't even know if he will come out of his room at Christmas. A part time job is something I can only hope one day he might be able to do.

It is odd when your Christmas starts to change. The key is just finding new ways of doing things and don't mourn the old ways. I loved working hospitality on Christmas Day as a teenager as you generally get loads of tips.

DH will be working 10 til 6pm this Christmas so we are going to do Christmas Dinner on Boxing Day instead. I don't mind as we are just stuck in the house anyway. It's just another day. Mine are 19, 16, 11 and 9 so they're not in that magical age now.

Your DS will be fine OP. Don't make it a big deal. As other PP have said they themselves have spouses who are front line workers too. You get used to it. I also used to work Christmas Day in the NHS years ago. It's actually really enjoyable.

My mum was a nurse and always used to work Xmas day when I was little. I used to go to my grandparents and she'd pick up the unsocial hours shifts.

When I was an adult we'd do Xmas dinner and presents when she got home.

My own kids are adults now and, over the last couple of years, the rwo who still live at home have spent Xmas Day with their partners' families.

This year I plan to be away in holiday for the entire period.

I've worked on Xmas day for the last 12 years. Dd left for university 7 years ago.
She and DH would sort out boxing day for our big day.
This year she will be travelling and I will be in Spain.
IMO, it's an event that's built up so much and is often disappointing

When my eldest worked Christmas Day we booked into the pub for dinner, her boss let her eat with us as it was towards the end of the shift. Then we had a few drinks and walked home together for presents. It was really nice.

yanbu. I’d feel the same, I also wouldn’t say anything to him and support him to do it. But still I understand what you feel. If it was a critical service then it’s easier because someone has to keep people alive and well. But a pub/restaurant I think people can do without for over bloody day. So what if someone enjoys it on Xmas day. Go the next day and let everyone be with their loved ones. For people on their own, it’s not somewhere to go. They tend not to go to the pub at Xmas for company before anyone starts that. Most villages etc have some supportive scheme for meals. By anyway good for him not complaining and just getting on with it. You’ll still see him. I’d delay Xmas meal till he was home.

Christmas dinner in the evening is rather lovely- you can have loads of candles and make it really cosy. Plus you don't have to fight the post-lunch sleepiness all afternoon so could do a nice walk or play games etc

It’s tough when they first are away, my dd is working Christmas Eve until 3pm then from 10am Boxing Day this year, she volunteered because she knows the position of the other 2 who could do the shift.

Good for him getting himself out there. Christmas day at a pub having a few drinks is always a great vibe. Me and my friends used to go years ago (my mum always went mad because I was late for Xmas dinner)
People are generous with tips at Christmas as well 😉

My sister is a doctor and as she has no children herself often volunteered to be the one working holidays. She was home for either the morning or late afternoon/evening. It rather exemplifies the Christmas spirit doesn’t it (well, maybe not working at a pub, but as the youngest just think your son may be giving an older staff member with kids a chance to spend Christmas Day with them).

My DCs did this - for a time they both worked in the same village pub. We had our celebrations when they got home, and we had a lovely day chilling, eating nibbly bits and watching crap TV. Oh, and they got plenty in tips that day! It was actually really nice

I'm 61. I had a Saturday job in a local hotel at 16. Christmas eve ,Christmas day and then the hunt gathering in the square outside on Boxing day, was absolutely brilliant. The atmosphere was fantastic over those days and the tips were HUGE. As a 16 year old Id never had so much money in my hand at one time ever. Those are such happy memories. Its hard to let go of your children but its what we do it all for. Start to look at your life and you as a person rather than X's mum. Begin to do things just for you. It makes it easier. Mine are 33 and 34 ,went away to uni and lived away for years. Both back in our home area now with wives and children.

My daughter did the same at the same age in her part time waitressing job.

She really enjoyed it. Mostly because of overtime pay but also because a lot of the customers were regulars who chatted with her and knew all about her going to university and tipped really well 😁

But, yes, it did feel weird leaving a christmas dinner plated up for her when she got home much later and that she was too tired to actually eat.

DD2 now 25 has worked the last 2 Christmas Days and will also be working this year. She lives 200 miles away so we can't even see her, but we try a video call when she's finished, or before she starts, depending on her shift.

The 1st year of it, I was moaning a bit in our local shop and one of the lovely ladies that works there said that when she worked, she often had to do a shift on Christmas Day - she was on TV. She said it was normally a lovely atmosphere, everyone was friendly and jovial and her suggestion was for DD to take in some party food. DD is a good baker and did this and said she actually had a really nice time. Lots of her coworkers have children and DD would much rather earn a nice bonus and their goodwill by working on Christmas Day than traipse 200 miles by public transport to us in a small hamlet in a rural setting.

OP, your DS should do pretty well out of it financially. It's only part of a day - you can still enjoy the rest of it together.