Have you cut out a dramatic friend?

You don't have to be nasty to your friend, but you could tell her that you are running out of ways to sympathise with her catastrophic relationships etc and you think she needs some proper therapy to work out why so many things go wrong. Then don't pick up the calls, or at least not after say 6pm.

Yes, exactly. Say you value her but are tired of her volatile relationships being the main thing you communicate about, so from now on, you won’t be engaging about her relationships at all.

You are unreasonable to stop responding if you mean just stop - as in ghost her - and not reply. That would be bitchy. I assume though you are going to tell her why you are withdrawing - it’s your personal preference though, so when you do so don’t blame her personality entirely - you should own your decision.

With an old friend I’d been through a lot with I probably wouldn’t cut her off, but I’d limit contact to planned catch ups and stop taking calls.

I found myself at this point when I was about 30. I’d didn’t cut her off I just stopped getting pulled in. She’d say “so what do you think I should do?” and I’d reached the point where I knew the pattern - she’d fully agree with my advice but then once she was on her own would start texting them again and then sheepishly tell me they’re back together a few days later,

I just started saying things like “I honestly have no idea” or “I think you should learn to make your own decisions.” rather than spending hours going through the ins and outs of her problems. She faded out the friendship very quickly because she wasn’t getting the what she wanted from me anymore.

Honestly I would tell her the truth and that she should consider therapy.

Had similar experience with a friend whose whole life is a drama but I soon realised most of it is her own doing . You give up your time you give what advice you can and then everything is wonderful for a week and then it all starts again . I was sick of getting up to loads of messages which were identical to the week before and the week before that . I just started taking days and days to reply and then I’d keep it short and say “I’ can’t really advise “. She’s taken the hint now and my life is soo much quieter she’s probably moved on to another poor soul

The funny thing is that overly dramatic and hysterical people like this think they are living life on the edge, acting out the most exciting and thrilling real life scenarios.....when in reality, as you are discovering, it is all unbearably samey and tedious - boring in fact. This is too dreary for words - does she ever ask how your life is going int he middle of all this Z list drama, or is she the star of every call and every meeting? She sounds selfish and self absorbed - shes irritating me secondhand just from reading your post! Too draining...honestly Id drop her like a rock and feel zero guilt.

Tell her you will no longer be picking up the phone on a Friday night then stick to your word.

I don't think you need to cut her off. I would be busy on a Friday night. When she messaged on Saturday say you're so happy they managed to sort it out and let's meet for a coffee at some point.
She'll either cut you off because you aren't providing energy at the right time or will go with the change

I had a friend like this and have gradually cut down contact (saying I didn't have the time for regular phonecalls - daily sometimes!! - lengthy voice notes or messages) and was happy to catch up in person every few months. I spoke to her the other day on the phone and it left my so depleted. Honestly, my life is so much better without her...

Thirty years of meeting the wrong men? Nah, some women just thrive on drama and attention otherwise their life feels boring.

It seems like you have a significant history together. Maybe cutting someone cold can be a slap in the face after so much history. I’ve only dropped work friends as we moved on to other work areas and it was never a dramatic ending just fizzled out eventually (lots of time between contact and such).

Yes I did after 20 years of friendship. The drama, her relationships. I just had enough of it all and walked away. That was about 6 years ago and I don’t miss her at all

Choosing not to be a part of the dramatic cycle any more is absolutely a valid and acceptable choice for you. You should be k away from.thr friendship tlif that feels like the right thing to do.

BUT we don't have to be so harsh about the dramatic friend. Maybe she us immature, childish, attention seeking, selfish etc. Or/and maybe she grew up in an environment that modelled this kind of relationship as the norm, maybe she has a lot of trauma, maybe she had other difficulties.

None of us need to be involved in aspects or any of another persons life that don't work for us, for any reason. But we don't have to be dicks about it either.

She's intentionally choosing the wrong men at this point though. I can say that, because I used to be drawn to the wrong guys until I woke up, Now I'm married to a great guy and I'm embarrassed when I think back at what a drama llama I was. Her friend probably could do with some therapy to help her stop picking inappropriate men.

I've had to do it recently with someone! Blocked her in all ways when I found out what she was saying about me. I had enough. I sent her a message saying it was done, why, and I was blocking.

She is though still trying to find a way through to me through others by sending messages through others and telling lies. She lives her life on drama and nothing is changing. I've had enough.

I simply tell others " I don't want to hear the messages and please don't involve yourself. Simply tell her you won't act as a a go between. If it's that important she can knock on my door" which she won't

Based on your op, it's you thats changed (or your tolerance levels) not her.
It sounds like she's behaving the same way she has since you started the friendship 30 years ago, however you've evolved and she hasn't.

As a result, cutting her off without even the courtesy of a conversation would make you the AH, IMO. Obviously you get to choose your friends and if the relationship isn't making you happy, then do something about it - but to just ignore her in the hopes she'll go away (like a lot of people are suggesting) is disrespectful and quite immature.

Ditch the drama, it’s exhausting!

I have a friend (known her for 25 years). She has many good qualities but she does love other people’s drama, If someone doesn’t answer her messages immediately she will call everyone else to check on them. If she picks up that someone has had a disagreement with their partner she will call everyone to say that “Mary & John are splitting up, it’s so sad …..”
If someone does have an illness she will zoom in with all the information on how bad it can be.
When one of my family was diagnosed with a health condition she informed everyone that it was “life reducing “.

I have distanced myself a little and I’m very careful about telling her about any illness just in case the priest turns up to give me the last rights ✝️

I'm not a fan of cutting people out or blocking them... been around long enough to know that people can come back from the brink and friendships can change.

But you are also perfectly reasonable to put boundaries up and protect your own life. You are not this woman's therapist.

I have a friend like this who I've known 30+ years who I love but is also very hard work (in a completely different way) and I've just reframed our relationship so I see her but much less frequently and have boundaries about what I will talk to her about. She understands that I won't go there on her particular flavour of drama and our relationship has changed. It works for us.

Yes. It’s quite easy to just not pick up the phone and then to be a lot shorter on WhatsApp / text - perhaps giving one line of sympathy to her issues and then turn to what’s going on in your life. And if she leaves voice notes you can reply by text saying sorry, you have a lot going on at the moment, how about getting together the following weekend. Just slowly pull back a bit. I don’t think I could just abandon someone I’d been friends with over 30 years unless they did something really bad to me, but if by pulling back the friendship can become less one sided and intense, it may be that one day things aren’t so stable for you and you are the one needing a listening ear.