If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

No

I worry about the future that lies in store for the next generation. Given the knowledge I have now, I would not have had children.

Its a bit of an odd opinion to think that people would lie about adoring their children and would do it again in a heartbeat. What brings you to that idea? Many of us in here have had to go down the fertility treatment route and waited a long time for our much loved and wanted children.

Having kids is by far the most wonderful part of my life and I thank my lucky stars every single day.

The OP's question wasn't "How much do you utterly adore your kids"? though was it? It was "would you still have kids if you could go back?"

I agree we can take it as read that most parents do adore their kids so the rather overblown declarations of adoration weren't really necessary.

And there have been some posts patting themselves on the back for their decision to start having children younger or older. It's a matter of pure luck if it happens for you when you want it to!

It's a bit sad if a parent doesn't utterly adore their child I think??? Doesn't mean they don't find parenthood hard

Yes! Mine are only young and pregnant with a third so very much in the thick of parenting very young ones. I'd do it all again in a heart beat. They are amazing. Obviously your circumstances are completely different and unique so it's hard to go by others peoples experiences

In my 40s absolutely not. I’m 55 and I’m so done with being a parent. They all moved out at 18 facilitated by me. Eldest is now back for at least a year.

Haha, was this directed at me?

Sorry to disappoint, but it's true! I know it's not true for everyone, and I also don't think you're a bad parent if you don't find parenting particularly fulfilling or joyful. I believe you can still provide the required love, care and support to your children even if it turns out parenting isn't actually what you want to be doing with your life. But I don't think you should assume it's beyond the realms of possibility that some of us just absolutely fucking love it, because I do <3

No
I wouldn’t

I find the worrying far too stressful ( so much I can’t eat and feel sick ) and my kids are all in their 20s now

My career that I’d wanted since the age of 14 took an absolute nose dive

but for me it’s over 20years of stress
that is just too much

If I had my life back I wouldn’t have had children irrespective of the love we have for each other

ps
We don’t fall into that category upthread of not having support etc
We are both Architects, good salaries ( not me of course I took the hit ) and have no financial or mental health issues

There are some very interesting responses on here.

The ones from the people who make a big thing about how they UTTERLY ADORE their children and how their children are their whole life are a bit try hard.

I don't know who they're trying to convince.

100% Said as an older single parent to three and despite coparenting difficulties with their father. Yes it's hard but the rewards so outweigh that.

curious to know what the best thing was! (if you don't mind me asking!)

Yes. My children are hugely life enhancing. I love the time we spend together, I find great joy and reward in raising them. They're my favourite people, so fun to be around. Motherhood is fulfilling to me in a way I didn't anticipate. I become my best self through my relationship with them. I can access magic and whimsy and imagination that was lost to me in my adult life before I had them. They link me back to my own childhood self in a way which has been healing.

Of course my husband and I sometimes joke about how one day they'll have their own lives and we'll get to spontaneously go to the cinema or have dinner out. But we wouldn't exchange having the children for the sake of being able to do things now. The children are worth it a thousand times over.

MN has definitely become more anti-child over the years.

This thread is nothing new and some of the answers are nothing new, but I do think a contributing factor to this site changing is that it is a big target for bot farms and for those who know how they work, certain answers are not surprising.

Back to the overall OP, adopting in the UK is very, very different to having a biological child, it really is a tough journey and one you need to think very hard about.

Overall though, life is tough. There's this weird perception that child free women live carefree lives of riches and that's not necessarily the case.

I would absolutely have my children again in a heartbeat. The most shocking thing about parenthood, IMO, is how fast it goes. However, I was fortunate to have a partner who is a decent human being, so I am able to maintain/career/hobbies and it is very important to me that I role model that to my daughters, because I want them to have the same.

Too many women, whether they are mothers or childfree spend their lives living for other people: parents/partners/children/family/work colleagues. You have to look after your own happiness in life and not depend on others to do it for you.

Finally, if you are living in a state of permanent anxiety, please seek medical help as this isn't normal.

I think this is a wise post.

For me having children was the second best thing I ever did. It was hard work but very fulfilling and included lots of fun. I would definitely do it again, although preferably with a different partner.

I always wanted children though, so having them was fulfilling a long-felt need.

Adopting does add a whole extra layer of difficulty. Children up for adopting have already been abused or neglected, and that does tend to make parenting much harder. Especially on your own.

You could read up on experiences of adoptive parents, if you haven’t already.

Yes but earlier. I had my last when I was 34, which isn't particularly old but I feel like the whole of my thirties, forties and fifties were mainly taken up with child rearing. Their dad was absolutely useless which probably the main reason I was exhausted and overwhelmed for many years.

I'd of had them later on in my 30s . I have 8 ranging from 28 to 6 . Don't get me wrong I'm blesses but I've spent my entire life raising children . If I could do it again I'd like to see how the other half live for a little while anyway 🤣🤣🤣. I suppose we all miss and fantasize about what we haven't had,I guess that's life

Well yes, for those in your circumstances that may be the case. I'm simply answering OPs question if having a family is all its cacked up to be. For me, it is everything I had hoped and more.

Yes but possibly not over a 20 year span

Hormones kicked in badly around 40. Last minute urge to procreate. Bloody glad I didn't have another. Fucking knackered parenting and had had enough already by the time youngest was 17. I really could not be doing with another two years of school.

Would I do it again? It's hard work. I would still want two I think. Would have started younger by a couple of years of possible. Nearly delayed having number 2. Glad I didn't in the end as they would have missed out on transitions due to covid.

It's bloody hard work parenting in your 30s-50s.

No. I love them and would do anything for them but my life before them was exquisite. It’s fine now. Financially very comfortable and loads of help but it is such a grind. I wonder at people who say they can’t imagine life without their children. I don’t need to imagine; I remember it and it was infinitely better.

100% yes. Having children is SO hard but they are so incredibly rewarding (in my experience) and I couldn’t live without them.

To me, freedom and meals out and holidays are scant alternatives to the overwhelming love and pride I feel for my children every single day. They make me belly laugh, they make me cry, they make me furious but they make me so so happy and I would have them 100 times over even in the hard times.

And I’ve been a single mother since my youngest was a tiny baby and still would change nothing at all

For you maybe. For those of us who can’t have children, we can find other things that make life worth living.

Yes. I wish id met my partner sooner so we could have had more children. We loved life before our kids and we love life even more after. It is the best thing in life to love and raise children.

@ChickenRunRunRun I’m so sorry