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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

417 replies

Chefpig · 15/09/2026 07:36

The reason I ask is I can't have children of my own. I'm early forties now so time is ticking along. I'm single, so I'd be looking at adoption as a single person.

As a single person with no ties, I enjoy lots of holidays, meals out and doing what I want, when I want, yet there's this yearning inside of me for a child. I'm not sure if I can go through life not experiencing being a parent, but is it all it's cracked up to be?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chefpig · 15/09/2026 07:47

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/09/2026 07:45

Absolutely fucking not.

Oh gosh. Why not? I think your post just put me off having any!

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 15/09/2026 07:46

I love my children intensely. It’s all consuming and literally the entire focus of my life. However it’s also terrifying and I worry a lot about the world they’ll be inheriting. I hate to even think of a life where I didn’t have them, but it’s been as stressful as it’s been amazing and everything comes with a tradeoff. I have plenty of friends who chose not to have children and have interesting, full and satisfying lives so it’s not like you can’t have that too.

I would also say that being a single older parent looks very, very difficult unless you have some great family support around you and a really decent income.

PacificState · 15/09/2026 07:46

God yes. Absolutely the best thing I’ve done, hands down.

In answer to your OP though, I wasn’t single and in my 40s when mine were babies and toddlers. It is properly hard work, emotionally and endurance-wise. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, but if you’re single with little ones that’s basically going to be your whole life outside of work.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/09/2026 07:46

Yes. I adore my daughter and I love spending time with her, she’s my best friend.

If I were doing it again I wouldn’t get married though.

Humanswarm · 15/09/2026 07:46

Nope.

Original poster
Chefpig · 15/09/2026 07:46

BestPlannerInTown · 15/09/2026 07:41

Interesting question.

Why?

OP posts:
EwwSprouts · 15/09/2026 07:45

Yes definitely but I only had one. DB & SIL had 3 and I knew I couldn't live with that level of chaos.

Zoraflora · 15/09/2026 07:45

Yes 100% but having said that I consider myself very lucky, my kids are healthy and Ive a supportive partner and I think this makes a difference to parenting experience.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/09/2026 07:45

Absolutely fucking not.

Timeless4 · 15/09/2026 07:45

I had my DS at 43. It has been the most incredible experience of my life.

In some ways I’ve done things the opposite way around to many others. We had 20 years together doing everything we wanted as a couple with ultimate freedom before having DS.

Our life with DS who is now 5 is fantastic. It makes things much easier that we are financially secure, have no mortgage and have extremely flexible jobs mainly WFH which is not the case for many younger parents.

TheBirdintheCave · 15/09/2026 07:45

Yes I’d do it all again. I just wish I’d met my husband at 25 rather than 29.

GreyCarpet · 15/09/2026 07:44

Yes, I would.

My childen are great and I've raised them to be adults I genuinely enjoy spending time with who contribute positively to the world in many ways.

Living my life with them in it has been an adventure. Wild and crazy at times but I've never regretted having either of them - even when times have been tough. There has been a lot of laughter, a lot of tears and a lot of absolute joy along the way.

Having said that, I also know I'd have lived an equally fulfilling life if I hadn't had children. It would just have looked very different!

OldrNWisr · 15/09/2026 07:42

No

CremeDeMure · 15/09/2026 07:42

No

Fiftyandme · 15/09/2026 07:41

Nope.

BestPlannerInTown · 15/09/2026 07:41

Interesting question.

CloudPop · 15/09/2026 07:39

Yes. 💯 in my opinion that is - for me in my circumstances. You can still travel and do lots of things with children. It does take over a huge chunk of your life, but I always enjoyed it.
I know not everyone feels the same way.