If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

I do think adoption is v different to having bio kids however. 3 friends have adopted. Its wonderful in its own way but brings different challenges to bio kids. Its worth hanging out on the adoption boards.

OP why not have a look at the Mumsnetters Without Children forum. It’s for women without children for any reason and you may get a new perspective on life without children.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

Absolutely. My kids are one of the best things about my life.

And the issues and challenges that come along with adoption will make it even harder.

if you decide to go this route, make sure you go with an agency that has excellent preparation training and a robust support package.
in my experience that will rule out your local council so go with a private agency.

No. One of my kids i actually wouldn't put him through it again

Be very aware with adoption often the children have a very very high level of need.

Yes, definitely and I would have started sooner and had more. I don’t think how I feel is at all relevant to your life and your decisions around parenthood though.

Yes 100%. It's not always easy but my sons have given me opportunities more than they realise to make good friends, they have also been my reason to keep going in tough times. They are both great people and I love their company.

Yes, definitely. I'd have more. Still might, actually. I have no money and no time and I worry about them all the time, but what a joy and privilege to have them. Holidays and meals out would have been very thin comfort to me if I couldn't have had kids.

Single parenting would be different, but I always wanted kids so I'd prob have done that if it's the way life worked out for me.

Yes, I absolutely would. It’s hard work, but I cannot imagine my life without them.

I had children at a time (1990s) when you would routinely get made redundant for going on maternity leave. I lost count of the times I was discriminated against in the workplace. It ruined my career for decades and I then had caring duties for aging parents.
I think the world has changed and I'm pleased to see that Gen z/ millennials are tougher around working and maternity rights.
If I knew I had to go through so many toxic situations I wouldn't have had children. I love my two dearly but it's been hard as an older mother.
I'd also make sure I had more money saved. I became ill and couldn't work at a high level. It changed our family dynamic.

Probably, but perhaps not 5, although my twin daughters are the youngest.

This 👆

100% yes. I only wish I could have had more - I met my partner late in life, and had my DD in my 40s. I feel very lucky to have her. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

OP, if one strongly worded negative is enough to put you off the idea of having a child, maybe you’re not ready for the reality.

For me, an early divorce meant bringing 3 children up in very difficult circumstances with very little money, and at times it was incredibly hard; but in many ways it could also be - and still is - absolutely brilliant, and I can’t imagine life without them.

Ah really tough one. I am a totally lone parent and it is hard, it is a lot more restrictive than if you have kids with a good partner. I do have my own parents around so that really helps. But there is a lot to consider - I love my child more than anything and I can't imagine not having them but at the same time it is relentless and there is a lot I miss about my old life. How much are you prepared for things to change/ to give up? Do you have support?

Absolutely not. I hate being a mum.

Honestly, it's totally normal pre parenthood to frame having a baby as to what it would bring to ones own life, how its something you Will experience etc.

Then they're here and you realise it's what you do for them, it's a very sacrificial thing and it can be beautiful and wondrous. It can also be a time (especially n the early yrs) that you have little time to be tou, do what you want to do etc. Then there's the anxieties about things when they're here, I remember saying to my husband as we had ivf something like 'when we have a kid we will have nothing else to wish'. Then now here we are wishing he had a sibling, wishing he slept through, worrying about school, worrying about all sorts.

I'd have him again, if you're strong and can put a kiddo first, it's a privilege to raise a little one. I'd just say it isn't something that can scratch an itch or fulfil one in the way we understand that pre parenthood.

Yes I would, but it’s such a personal decision that I’m not sure anyone else’s experience can determine what the best course for you is.

That's a really tough one in your situation. I'm reality, you will lose the things you like doing right now - the freedom to do what you like, go to nice places, have time to yourself. You don't realise how much you value that until you have kids and you can't really do any of that. Do you have a support network or family or friends who would willingly help out, give you a break or have the kids overnight? If so, that's an absolutely different story.

I loved the experience of giving birth, having my children and raising them. I would absolutely do it all again. However it's been the fucking hardest thing I've ever done, and I often wish I'd never had them when the day in day out is such a slog. I miss doing all those things and I miss my freedom.

But I also now feel like I have meaning in my life. I feel like I would be empty without a family of my own. That's not to say you can't have a great and meaningful life without children, it's just how I feel now that I've had them. I guess you don't really fully know until you know!

I would have a really good think about what you want in life and make peace with the fact life will change massively with kids. Yes, you can still do all the things - but in reality, you can't / it's too hard / you have to centre everything around them otherwise it's just not worth it.

If you're yearning for a child I think you'd regret not going for it tbh though. The not knowing, and potential loneliness in later life without your own children would probably be worse than having them and it not being how you imagined.

My only is about to go to university and yes I would have him again, but your life is so very different after children.

Maybe go on the adoption board, I have 3 friends with adopted children.

One worked brilliantly, one is a huge challenge and one is going through a failed adoption process. As a lone parent I would think very hard.

It’s this. Studies have been done on the minority of parents who regret having kids and nearly all of them are raising them in very challenging circumstances, little or no support/ no or rubbish partner/ children with severe needs.

So I guess the question for you OP is not how have others found it, but to look at yourself and your support.

Are you a resilient person? Do you have high energy levels? Are you a determined ‘cope-er who just gets on with things? Do you have endurance? Do you do well with lack of sleep? Do you have a supportive family close by? Is you job flexible and your workplace a supportive one?

You really need to look at who you are and what internal and external resources you have, and then decide if this is for you.

Most people don’t regret having children but a minority do ( about one in twenty, I think from memory) and you have to decide if your personality and life circumstances means you may be one of these.

Yes. Without any doubt.
I'm on my own with her, I have been since before she was born. There's only ever been me for every single thing. No help from family on either side. And life is hard and I do struggle at times and there have been moments when I felt like I'd ruined both our lives.
However! She's my favourite thing in the world and I couldn't imagine being without her. I'd do it all again.

Not sure tbh. I’m a sahm and my youngest child is 17. I work part time. I’ve given up myself for my dc and I’m not sure it’s healthy for any of us. The thing is you don’t decide every day how you are going to parent, you just do it, I had a cold childhood, and I think I overcompensated. Dh sweet but useless. On balance I don’t think I’d do it again.

Absolutely and I would have had 4 kids instead of 3! I wish I'd met and married my husband in our twenties! Maybe we would have had 5!

I wouldn't have done it without him though. I didn't even particularly want kids before we got together.

Yes. I have 3, all grown, if my body and circumstances had allowed, I would have had more.