I think this is such a great post ! I had my kids later in life and very close together. I had a footloose life prior, great slightly glamorous job and it took my quite some time (!) to get used to the change as I was a SAHM.
I would really concur with the previous post. The cost of raising kids really has sky rocketed. We have felt it hugely as a family even in the last five years. Our two are nearly at the end of secondary.
These are the things I would really consider if adopting:
Kids can really reflect back your own failings/ complexities and internal complications and the way you relate to your self and others and not necessarily in a good way - sometimes like one of those freakish circus mirrors! The likelihood that any family stuff (from your own family) than is unresolved and relationships difficulties may come up, is very high and can have the most profound impact on your parenting / and the child for good or ill. I think this is what (can) make it so hard at times. I say this as someone who had an inkling of this and did some therapy prior to try and become more aware of my own background (which included maternal loss). It helped but was still really challenging.
Add to this the complexity and demands of a child you won’t know the true needs of if adopted. You can’t really know how it will impact them - until it all is revealed over time. We know so much about the perils of incomplete or troubled attachment.
I was surprised at just how physical a parent is - when they are little you’re always carrying them, loads of bags, lifting buggies, lack of sleep etc. When you’re ill and the GP says “You need to rest” you will make a hollow laugh. There is no rest - if your child needs you, you are the bottom of the pile.
I think the above are the reasons why it’s so demanding and can be extremely exhausting. The previous poster is quite right - external resources would be one of my first thoughts both in terms of human support and financial. Having a financial cushion is a massive massive help. The black cab when it’s pouring with rain and your child has a fever, emergency food shopping delivery when you’ve forgotten you have no food, money for activities to get out of the house, a cleaner because in the early years and if you’re working there are not enough hours in the day, money for a babysitter because if you don’t see your friends you will go mad (!), money for tutoring because they are struggling etc etc. They will drain your bank account! And of course back up emotionally so it’s not just you and them in your circle. Friends can be great but often it is family who will help. If they can and are able or willing to.
Having said all that - being a parent is a wonderful, wonderful thing and I echo a previous poster who said it was the privilege of her life. Nothing I’ve done comes close to the happiness and deep satisfaction and joy but it is a leap of faith and lots (and lots!) of self denial and hard work. I was not particularly maternal and did imagine having a good life without kids but I’m enormously happy that I ended up having them. They are funny, surprising, annoying, demanding, kind thoughtful and sweet. They are - as an older mum - still as late teenagers quite exhausting! I would take a really honest look at myself : do I have good support ? Am I fairly emotional together? What if having an adopted child means it’s unlikely I will have time to date for the next 5 years? Are there schools near me? What will I do if I have to take time off work (and there is lots of this). Etc etc.