If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

I had my children very late-I have no regrets about that, it’s how my life worked out and was a conscious choice and I wouldn’t want it any difference. If I had had a different life I MIGHT have had them a little earlier-I’ve got 2 and it would have been fun to have more. But I love the life I have now and had in the past so there’s that!

I would, but this is a tentative ‘yes’ as I am not sure at all I’d have had two. It’s painful to write in a way as I love mine very much but I find the noise, conflict, arguments and split attention at home very difficult and extremely stressful and it has made me very unhappy.

Mine are mostly lovely alone but together I don’t much enjoy them and am only really happy when I’ve got one to one time with one child.

No it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, though there are huge rewards and having children can, I think, potentially shape you into a less selfish and more compassionate person. I think I am a better person for having children, though I volunteer and work with them and would have done that regardless.

We have two with AuDHD. One is a joy but the other has significant MH issues and has quite literally come close to destroying our lives. If it were not for the one - who is the most loving and sweet natured person you could meet, and worked so hard to get through school and into uni - and the persistent, atom-deep hope that the other might one day recover/‘grow out of it’ (despite being 21 already), I’d definitely be in the Don’t Have Kids camp.

My husband is: when he talks to people battling with this, he often has to walk away/zip his lip when colleagues tear up at their childless state as he really just wants to scream at them that they are so lucky, because it has killed him and nearly broke us as a couple and family. He doesn’t of course, but he has found himself in a toilet cubicle in tears in response to such situations. Other than that, kids have not limited travel to exciting destinations or HIS career. Mine ended, though, as we had no local family and paid-for childcare doesn’t cover children with complex psychological and emotional needs. Had I been a single parent I’d have been in social housing and on benefits by the time my eldest was 7. And I desperately wanted kids all my life, from childhood. All I wanted was to be a mother and have a family. And we’re very comfortably off, so at least we’ve had that cushion.

If you don’t have/never had a deep burning desire to have kids or a person to co-parent with, I’d avoid it like the plague. I know that seems brutal, but it’s what I would tell anyone who is ambivalent.

No 🤚

I never imagined having children, but that changed when I met my DH. He wanted a family, and eventually we had twins.

Before I could even consider having children, certain conditions needed to be in place (monetary). We live very comfortably, and I am fortunate that married life has been smooth. Even so, I sometimes miss the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

Nope . Much asi love them my life would've been a damn sight easier

Yes, absolutely. My life is so much better because of them - yes, it's hard and relentless and pushes buttons I didn't even know existed, but seeing them grow up, learn and helping them be good people is amazing. I don't feel particularly maternal most of the time, but if I had my chance again, I'd still have them.

I think being a single parent of an adopted child would be very full on and I'd only consider it if you have a strong support network. Adoption is an amazing thing to do for a child, but almost all children will come with lots of long term baggage to unpack.

I adore my children. Teen years are not fun, but I do worry about the state of the world they are in.

No. Don't tell them.

I would also not recommend anyone to have kids unless they have money tbh. This is for the purpose of being able to support kids when needed. The NHS has let us down badly and we’ve needed to pay for private surgery and also extra private healthcare including private physio and private speech therapy. There just aren’t enough resources for kids.

I’ll obviously preface this by saying I have kids and love them. But I love them so much sometimes I feel guilty I had them. I worry so much about what the world will look like in 40 years time for them. I worry about social media, what they may be exposed to, how it might shape them. I worry about global warming, house prices, AI. All of it. So it’s a hard question to answer but the guilt at the absolute state of the world now does give me pause.

I definitely would not. The sheer magnitude of the whole process plus the rest of your life being someone's parent...it's far, far simpler to never do it. The responsibility...it's huge in so many ways and it can often not work out anything like you think it will. I would love to not potentially have fucked 2 people's lives up too. Plus, environmentally we are absolutely screwed and I'd never want to bring a child into a future that's so bleak.

Depends on the day. 90% of the time, yes. Today, no. I want to crawl back into my bed and wake up in my 20's. I'm married by my DH works long hours so isn't around much so it's almost all on me. Would I choose to be a single parent after this experience - no.

Yes and I have three with special needs, it can be exhausting and hard at times, but very rewarding. I always wanted children though and I also work with children and enjoy my work, so I didn't ever feel like I was giving up my life to have them, this is the life I chose.

Absolutely 100% yes. I always knew I wanted children and I can't imagine my life without them.

Yes I would, I love my children so much. But it is HARD being a mum, way way harder than I imagined. And the worry! The absolute worry is destroying at times.

It is an interesting conundrum OP, I am also totally opposite to you. I never wanted children, found the whole process horrible and overwhelming to think about. We were at a pub at the weekend and it was literally FULL of babies and children, screeching and running about. Every single woman there seemed to have a child attached to her. I said to my DH that it made me realise how thankful I am that I never had children! There is another side to the coin.

I probably wouldn't.

I love my children beyond words. More than anything possible. That is part of the problem! I actually find it painful to love them so much. The thought of something happening to them is too awful. So, overall, loving them adds an extra layer of fear and pain to my life that I don't want. Sounds dramatic, but it's true.

Aside from that, there's the loss of freedom, loss of money, exhaustion, etc etc...

No.

My kids are amazing, I'm VERY lucky to have them. However, the world we now live in is pretty fucked up.

Also, I was late 30s when I had my eldest and altho I felt fine then, ten years later I was trashed by an auto immune disease and perimenopause. In your 40s you're a bit on the older side (and with no back up parent) I think I wouldn't in your shoes.

Tbh I'd not advise any woman to have kids. It's exhausting and a lot of women become very emotionally vulnerable.

Yes and I'd have had them sooner (I wasn't especially late, had both by the time I was 38, but I wish I'd done it sooner.).

Aah yes in an instant! I only have one, age 9, but she is absolutely brilliant, seeing her grow up and learn things and start to figure out who she is and what she wants has been a privilege. Joy every day! Over things like a funny looking bean or a cat being cute. Certainly there are several years where you cannot do things in the same way as before, but you figure out how to do things in a new way.

Yes I would

Yes. I love being a parent. Our children are young adults now and we feel really proud that we have raised such lovely people. They have made us very happy and have made us better people.

Adoption is a very different road to go down though and often brings very different challenges. I think you should talk to other people who have adopted. Best of luck.

I genuinely don't know.

Mine are all adults now and it's brilliant - I get to socialise with them and go out and do adult things. But when they were younger I struggled so badly - admittedly I was left as a single mum with five kids and no money or help. I was subsequently diagnosed with ADHD and I really had a terrible time parenting solo.

If I could guarantee that I would have help, that I could have my kids with a father who stepped up, if could have had an earlier diagnosis to make sense of my inability to self-regulate - if things could have been different, basically, I would gladly have kids again.

Going through what I went through, with the horrific stress of borrowing Peter to pay Paul just to keep the bailiffs from the door, not enough to eat and no help with feral children, then, no. I'm not sure I would wish that on my worst enemy.

The kids themselves were the least of it. So much is circumstantial.

Yes without a doubt, there is no feeling compares to it and I live my children dearly, they are amazing. However it is tough at times, you don’t always know what you’re doing, it’s all consuming, it’s frustrating at times, you won’t get a Iie in or peace for maybe 6/7 years, a trip to the supermarket on your own feels like a holiday, now dealing with teenage hormones is another level of wtf again.

i couldn’t have done it as a single mum, so look at what support realistically you have around you- would there be grandparents etc to give you a little rest bite and help out?

I also couldn’t have done it in my 40’s as already feel knackered.

if you cherish your lifestyle, doing what you want when you want then don’t do it, as life is never the same again, at least not for 18 years. Get a dog to fill that hole.

For me it was 30 years ago and my children were 3 and 2. The childhood years were desperately, desperately hard. I will never forget the exhaustion of doing the parenting whilst chasing temporary teaching contracts so we could afford to live. They are fabulous adults but I absolutely cannot recommend being a single parent unless you have physical support and a HUGE financial cushion. I worried about money 24 hours a day. That was as exhausting as the day to day physical toll of parenting . I will never get over the joy of just being able to throw money at a problem that is my life now. If you can't do that Op don't consider it.