MIL ignoring DS allergies

Is she trying to prove a point? Or did the silly cow really just fancy eating some nuts that much? I would keep this incident in mind in the future when you and husband have split. Can you trust this man to put your child’s safety and health a priority? Because he isn’t doing that now.

When you get your divorce make sure your exh gets only supervised visitation at the most. He has shown that he either is too stupid to understand about DS’s allergies to be left alone with him or he gets no physical contact as he seems quite happy to see his DS dead **

Sorry not meaning to derail your thread OP, you’re dealing with a person who’s lived how she’s wanted for a long time and in her head she’s thinking, ‘why would I change now’. You’re biggest problem is you have a husband who is enabling it. Well it’s your house too and you do have a say in the rules.

That’s not the half of it.
she has used the back of a spoon to scrape mud off her shoe, I now keep all my cutlery separate.
She doesn’t use detergent to wash up her cutlery and crockery , just rinses.
She once put seed packets nibbled by mice from the shed on the chopping board and left for me to see.
She puts random items from the garden on the kitchen worktops.
She’s wiped the dogs arse after having the squits and not washed her hands.
She doesn’t worm the dog so I have to do it in secret.
The dog is blind so can’t see where he’s stepping on the lawn, which is covered in dog poo because she hardly picks it up, so the dog treads it in the house.
Honestly, the list goes on.
I get through disinfectant like you wouldn’t believe.

@Fuckmyliferightnow that last bit holy fuck
That genuinely turned my stomach🤮🤮

I think if you throw them she’ll buy more but keep it quiet. You’re going to need to be vigilant, which will drive you mad.
my mil lives with us and I’ve seen her wash dog shit down the kitchen sink, I now have to disinfect the whole kitchen before I prepare any meals because I do not trust her, she thinks she can do what she wants because that’s what she’s always done.

Your DH and MIL are seemingly happy to risk your DS’s life - such a wonderful father and grandmother duo.

The nuts go or the mil goes and anyone who brings nuts in again will not live there anymore. Ignorance will be no excuse, that would be my line.

Also if she's absolutely desperate to eat nuts.... She needs to move out....

Absolutely...

This is the hill your husband should die on...

Not playing chicken with your sons life...

It beggars belief...

Your dh's primary relationship is with his mother - and frankly I think it is a really weird one. your marriage is over - but you know that. I'd speed the separation along.

I'd also calmly tell your MIL and DH that if your son has another attack because of their actions you will be calling the police as the doctors have warned them, you have warned them and it is clearly deliberate. Doesn't matter if you will or not or if they will respond or not just tell them that. And that you will be calling children's services too.

Fair play to you for not shoving the nuts into the bitch's face.

Yeah, that's a good point - is she usually a big nut eater? Or has it only just started now buying them?

I'm doing some armchair psychoanalysis here, but – there's some serious aggression against your son going on there. They know your child has been diagnosed with a serious nut allergy that at the very least could make him very unwell and at worst could kill him. And off they go and buy nuts.

I don't know how unconscious this is – they may have thought doctors are exaggerating. But still they are willing to take the risk with your son's health.

What do their actions tell you about how they feel about your son?

All of this.

Time to find her a nursing home. No hyperbole. Get her away from your son before she causes him some serious damage, or kills him.

14 day wellness retreat - using 10+ days of his annual leave to go on holiday with his mum! Thats so fucking weird.

I would go nuclear tomorrow - tell them unless things change they will come back from their couples break to find the locks changed.

Your MIL has chosen this moment to buy 3 big bags of nuts to force a situation where your DH has to pick her over you and where you'll react explosively. She knows your mother lion will come out to protect her cub and shes counting on it to try and say to DH "look at how mean she is to me - wahhh".

She needs to move out. If shes not on deaths door she needs her own place. Imagine 15 more years of this!!

I was shocked when I read this, because it shows just how willing your h is to appease his mother. And put your ds at risk. A wellness clinic whilst you hold down the fort. This is enough to seriously rock a marriage, even without bringing very dangerous foods into your home.

you would be perfectly within your rights to walk into her room and take the nuts. I don’t care what your husband says.

I understand you don’t want your son to feel responsible for family strife, but if yelling results, you will just have to explain he is not to blame.

my daughter doesn’t have that kind of allergy but she has had asthma attacks where she went limp and all the color drained from her body. I’ve seen doctors switch from calmly working to looking very tense. The fear of that recurring stays with you.

It’s ok to take a hard line in protecting your child.

That’s awful. Why would they risk his life like that.

It's not beyond me, I've grown up having allergies and it's alarming how pig ignorant some people are when it comes to them.

NO.
Absolutely fucking NOT.
I have food allergies. I can react and swell up just by being in the same room as them..
Keep your kid safe. I wouldn't give a toss about "making a scene" - I'd fling the nuts out of the house and then spam the ignorant pair with articles and facts on allergies and consequences.

That’s awful! The trouble is, yes, you can throw them away, but how can you trust either of them to not go behind your back and do it again?

I would marching straight into her room, grabbing them , putting them in an outside bin, and telling her her if she ever brings nuts into your home again you will turf her out. And same to DH. You should be creating a massive scene.

How long would it be oh I only had a few watching TV blah blah
Between your idiot husband and the nut munching Mil
That's one fucked up scenario
Worst bit it doesn't have to be like that.

Putting snacking ahead of the health of a child is fucking astounding.

MIL can easily avoid eating nuts until you know what's going on with the allergies. The fact she or your husband can't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation is beyond me. Am so very sorry, frustrating and scary. Eating them in her room is no guarantee of safety either, they need to be thrown out.