Would you class this person as a close friend?

Plenty of my best friends I don’t see or text for that level of time. It’s got easier as my child got older.

Baby groups aren’t really the same as it’s a lot more superficial and related to you all going through a massive change at the same time. Most of them fizzle as the children get older. As a new you mum you are often exhausted and the days blend into one.

I guess it would depend on how you are when you see each other. Is it like old times? I don’t think you can judge based on the info alone. One text when she just had her baby which she didn’t respond to isn’t really enough info to go on.

I have friends that I only contact sporadically and only meet up once a year or so, as life for everyone is so busy. But when we do see each other, it’s like we only spoke the week before. We just pick up where we left off.

If she’s just had a baby and you haven’t, she’s in a different life stage so things are likely to drift. So I guess it depends on how you get on when you do speak and if she’s interested in keeping an old friendship at all. We are all different. I wouldn’t take it personally if she chooses to embrace her new life stage more.

Keep the channels off communication open with an occasional light message but don’t have big expectations. It sounds as if she’s moved on but she might come back when the small child stage passes.

I’d assume the friendship had drifted, which unfortunately often becomes the case when one person has become a parent and has a completely different lifestyle to go with it. If you value her as a friend then I’d keep channels open but leave things in her court in terms of suggesting that you meet up, especially if you’ve already said you’d like to meet the baby and received nothing back.

I think friendships go though ebbs and flows. I don't have kids and I don't see my friends with kids as much at the moment as it's often easier for them to socialise with people who have kids as they can chat while the kids play. I don't take it personally and I enjoy the time I do get with them, their kids won't be wee forever.

Too simplistic. The frequency with which you see someone is not always a reliable benchmark.

I was out with a friend at the weekend who I've known since I was 14, I see her three times a year if I'm lucky (she lives in a different city). She is an absolutely solid friend and I know she would do anything for me. But we didn't see each other at all for 8 years in our 20s, before we reconnected, for circumstantial reasons.

Life is difficult and most people who have children and jobs struggle to find time to see friends. Things get in the way but it doesn't have to be forever.

People get very hung up on this sort of thing and are very quick to blame and judge others because they can't be there on tap. When you're as old as I am you realise that ostracising or downgrading people for this sort of breach of friendship etiquette is self-defeating.

Go with it, play the long game and keep an open mind. You lose nothing by not writing her off.

Ultimately, children or no children, if she hasn’t replied to your messages and only you have been the one trying to arrange anything, she’s pulling away, and there’s a certain respecting of that needed, even if it’s hurtful. It may change with time; and it’s then up to you to decide then whether you want to pick things back up or not, or whether you’d rather leave things as they are.

I’ve had friends drift but then come back into my life.
I’ve got some friends I see very infrequently but we pick up where we left off, as though we see eachother every day, not twice a year.

Someone told me once you have friends for:
A season
A reason
A lifetime

Maybe this friendship has run its course. That's fine.

What @Thepeopleversuswork said. Friendships will ebb and flow over time as people’s circumstances change. Also, what benefit to you would it be to end the friendship or ‘downgrade’ it?

For me, closeness of friendship is to do with emotional closeness rather than frequency of seeing someone.

So I have friends that I only see once a year but we are still close when we do see each other. Take up where we left off, can talk about anything.

Sometimes I've thought of people as being close but they haven't felt the same though.

Perhaps that's what's happening here?

Embrace your anger OP! If she wanted to be in touch, she'd find the time. The friendship is dead and buried. If you play the long game as some on here suggest, you're basically allowing yourself to be a doormat and signalling you're happy to be picked up and dropped at her convenience. It's not good for your self esteem. Everyone's lives are busy, regardless of whether you have children or not.

Ridiculous overreaction sorry. You don’t help your self esteem by flouncing because people can’t drop everything for you all the time.

I agree with this. And I don’t agree with the narrative that you can and should be able to go months and months without talking or making an effort with your friends (baby or not) and still be expected to be classed as ‘close’. Friendship is a two way street and those who use children as an excuse are just doing that, making excuses. I had a child, I would make sure to txt and catch up with friends when she was napping… they also sleep (albeit sporadically!) at night, it takes two minutes to send a txt. I really don’t think there is that much of an excuse to not txt or respond to someone for months at a time unless you just don’t care about them. Especially if you are able to meet up with other people within that time!

Did you read the OPs post? Her friend hasn't seen her for a year. What sort of friendship do you think this is?

So don’t feel like you’re close to them! Be realistic that the friendship has drifted for now, but that it’s perfectly possible it will reignite when circumstances change. In the meantime, focus on other, more local friendships, as your friend is at her end.

My best friend lives 400 miles away but we message multiple times a day. We're very very close despite having very different lives.

Your friend is barely that, an acquaintance at best.

People change and move on. Time to re-evaluate.

Are you asking us for a permission to ditch your friend? You can do that, if that's what you want.
I wouldn't. I have a friend of 30+ years, there have been periods of our lives when we spoke maybe once a year and, at one point, we lost contact for about 4 years during which she got married and had a baby and I didn't even know anything about it. When we reconnected, she was firmly in toddler years and had her hands full. She is now a mother of an 18-year-old and a 8 year-old and is back to the land of living. We've been on holidays together, have monthly video calls and she is coming to visit me in spring. She is still the closest person I have. If I were thinking like you, I would have missed out on this relationship.

Early parenthood, depending on the level of support you have can be absolutely horrific.

Idk how old you are. Im In my 50s and have realised through life that its quite normal and natural for some friendships to fizzle out. Its nothing either party has done or not done. Its just a natural evolution.

Of course it would be ideal if x said to y I don't want to be friends anymore but that rarely happens.

I think its best to accept youve grown apart and move on

I love this