AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

As a previous Military officers wife ( he's Retired now) from day one I made it clear I was not going to get involved with his Uniform. I did however wash his shirts in with the family laundry but that's were it ended.
I was working, then when the kids came along I did a lot of single parenting, so uniform was one thing I wanted.

@Crispychillifriedbeef I think you do have some responsibility if that is the life you’ve arranged but up as far as the above poster gives.

No, not what I said.

If one spouse works and the other doesn’t, then the non-working spouse should be picking up the household duties that the maid doesn’t.

But like I said it all depends on what the arrangement was in the first place. If the arrangement was you don’t ever do anything around the house even though you aren’t working then he can’t complain, but if the arrangement was that you would keep the house whilst he worked then he can.

Either way, the household laundry should be at minimum 50% your responsibility as it would be for all couples with couples where both parties work away from the home full time.

AND the overseas maid package is a perk of HIS employment so is as simple as him paying for it.

No. But your use of LTB does.

Agreed…am I missing something? You have posted as though you disagree with me, but the point you’ve made doesn’t actually help me understand what you disagree with, because I also think the same thing as you.

I just don't think the op should be subservient, it might have worked for you and your husband but putting out socks and belts for grown men isn't for every woman, and it isn't a failing.

In my house my husband does all the laundry. I wouldn’t expect him to run around checking my clothes. He washes what is in the washing basket. If I want a stain to be removed I’d do it myself and then put it in the washing pile. He should have told you if he needed anything specifically done.

It was never asked of me, or expected of me. It was what I chose to do as a military wife.

Are you loan service?

It’s not the playground either.

Subservient?

All the military types I have known took responsibility for their uniform. You can facilitate, but he needs to communicate. Is he a 'higher up' used to giving orders and not being questioned? If so, he needs to leave that at the front door. You are his wife, not his staff.

My newly married military father told my mother in 1965 her ironing was not up to scratch. She handed him the iron and told him to crack on. She never ironed another uniform.

@Crispychillifriedbeef I think you should tell him you're shaping him up to be a character in your next novel. It might make him reflect on how he'll be transmogrified into a villain or a pain in the arse.

And all you people saying writing isn't work; you're just wrong.

OP said she does it with the bits which are left in the laundry room, so I can only assume that, on this occasion, her husband failed to leave it in the laundry room which is why this hasn't bee done. Sounds like a him problem whichever way you look at it.

I actually think you are being a bit unreasonable if a) you are not working and are being supported by him and b) you have a housekeeper.

You should be operating as a team in order that he can work/earn.

I don't understand why people are saying you don't work, surely being a novelist is your job?

I’ve been an officer’s spouse for over 20 years and while we’ve lived in the Uk and abroad I’ve had periods where I’ve worked full time, part time or been at home with three kids.

I ironed 1 uniform shirt in the first few weeks of our marriage, was advised I’d done it incorrectly and have never touched his uniform again 🤷‍♀️.

I am also in a uniformed profession and he doesn’t touch my uniform either, never mind check it’s clean for me to wear the next day.

Same as OP I wash and hang out what’s in the basket for everyone in the family (as does he if he notices the basket is full), but beyond that it’s not my responsibility.

I’m with OP, I’m not checking another adult’s clothing for stains!

Why should they be picking up all the household chores? From what I gather, the OP is looking after the children. She is also a published writer, that's another job she does from home in addition to looking after her children. My former partner was a creative writer while I was working outside the home, we did equal amount of household stuff because he was actually working for up to 9h a day writing his novel. Just because he did it from home and earner less than me, doesn't mean he wasn't working.
There was a year when I had to travel 2h each way to go to the office and he picked up all the cooking and most of the cleaning during the week because I was out of the house for 13h a day but I still didn't expect him to go and sniff my clothes to see if it needed washing. I put in in the laundry basket like any adult human would do.

She is also funding his lifestyle by looking after his children and his house.

Tell him you only take orders from superior ranks, and seeing as you are of the same rank in the household and relationship, then he needs to sort out his own kit. 🫡 🪖 🎖️ ⚔️

Genuine question: if he doesn’t tell her his uniform needs dry cleaning, how is she to know?