AIBU to say my husband should manage his own uniform cleaning?

that's not the same logic at all, the same logic would mean he should notice you're low on milk while at work, while you can't be bothered to open the fridge and check

Not having paid employment does mean you help out more because he's busy funding your unpaid leisure time, yes. Nothing to do with the military, and it's irrelevant if you are male, female, or a same sex couple. Same answer.

I did say that he was ridiculous to hide dirty clothing with clean laundry. Again, both BU

I have an an Officers wife for 16 years. My responsibility for his kit extends to washing stuff in the laundry basket, unless he he asks for a specific thing (I do the sewing for example, because im quicker and neater.)

He would find me checking his wardrobe for stains to be extremely strange.

I think if you had agreed e.g. if he leaves his uniform on a peg in the hall, you or the housekeeper will take it to the dry-cleaners, that would be one thing. Or if he puts it in the washing basket. That would then be reasonable. But it's not reasonable to expect you to sort through his half worn clothes and determine what does or doesn't need washing.

So again, why are you asking if you're being unreasonable?

Fair enough if you just want to moan about him and the way he treats you, but your question becomes more and more disingenuous with every reply.

I agree with all the posters who state that a person in the military is responsible for their own uniform. Taking care of it is something you learn in basic training. The uniform is important to a soldier because its part of how they present themselves in their role. Putting away dirty garments with clean ones or throwing them on the floor shows scant respect for the uniform which is part of one's identity. This is the kind of thing teens and young children do before they learn that actions (or lack of them) have consequences.

Arguments about whether his wife has an outside job or not are therefore moot.

I don’t do anything to do with my DHs clothes. I do work full time though.
However, you also are not a housewife as you are working on a book and other things.
I f you had agreed to be the housewife and take up all duties as a labour split then yes, this would have been part of your agreement I would think.
But seeing as you didn’t then I can’t see how it becomes your responsibility.
I think you should agree on the household split and both agree on whose responsibility his uniform is . Clearly there is some misunderstanding on who is supposed to be doing what.

He's failed at being both a conscientious officer AND a courteous husband. That's why he's narked at you- you highlighted his failings.

We expect are military to be prepared and ready

Yes, we do. But I am not in the military and neither is the OP so we expect our partners and husbands - who are - to be prepared and ready. Or are you suggesting that all the single men in the military are exempt from this readiness and preparation?

I think it is irrelevant whether you are a housewife or not. If he wants you to get them dry cleaned he needs to ask u. Simple.

I couldn't live like this. But also, how difficult is it for him to get out a sponge and remove a stain and stop whining.

I took care of my husbands uniforms almost everyday for the 30 years he was in the military (not uk). It was happy to do it because of how much it meant to me that we were a military family. Not that all of his uniforms were sent to the laundry, only certain ones were and the rest were washed and ironed daily. In fact I even used to put his pants, socks and belt on a chair next to the wardrobe with his car keys and wallet alongside them. There never was a day he didn’t have a uniform to wear, there were always 4 or 5 of his day to day ones ready for use.

Am I batshit crazy? No. I’m just someone who thought that the Crown/my husband/my family were worth it.

Not that expect you to understand that given you come across as being about 12.

@TheTwerkingDuchessOfMonteshitshow why doesn't the same apply to the husband himself???? Given that he is the one that's actually in the military.

So you are living off him and the maid he pays for? Then I think you should be at least equally responsible for his dry cleaning, but it depends on your arrangement at the start.

@Catza I really don't expect that family members of serving military should be expected to do the uniform washing. It's just that usually it seems that either OP or the HK do it and in this instance they haven't so it must be a bit frustrating for her DH.

Believe me, I'm one who has told any partner since the early 1980s that I don't do the washing with my tits if they thought I would take responsibility for their washing.

So he’s the only one financially supporting the family? Making sure his uniform is clean is not a big deal.

My late DH was ex military and I can tell you that he'd say your DH is a wanker and HIS uniform is absolutely 100% HIS responsibility

Tell him to get to fuck

I’m a housewife, Dh sorts out his own suits by taking them to and picking them up from the dry cleaner. You can’t think of everything for him, he needs to be responsible for dressing himself and what he needs. If Dh needs something in particular he’ll specifically ask me to do it or do it himself,

Interesting logic! He certainly does not get to complain about the cat hair then.

He’s a grown man, he should know what he needs when and organise that. I have a housekeeper as well, that doesn’t mean DH’s brain fell out and he became unable to do the most basic things for himself.

I did years of uniform. My husband had never done anything regarding that. My buisness not his. He wouldn't know which part or combination I would need anyway.