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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect people to respect a shy dog’s boundaries?

63 replies

TheLivelyCat · 14/09/2026 07:08

AIBU That people should listen to dog owners?

Yesterday I was out with my dog, lovely sunny afternoon, so we went on a long ish family walk 2.5h by the river. My dog was swimming, there were other dogs, cows in the feild at one point, quick outdoor cafe stop. basically dog heaven, mix of on lead and off lead,

Anyway on the way home 1h drive. I stopped at the pet store to get some ear cleaner, due to dog swimming in 2 different rivers this weekend. DH ran into the supermarket across the road and 1 took dog and children to the pet store, should gave been a 5 minute stop to get 1 thing.

My point is and this isn't the first time this has happened is my dog is friendly but shy. (Not recative, just slow to warm up) shes also a Labador who everyone assumes wants to say hi to everyone.
So when people ask to say hi to her I will say she might say hi but shes shy. Sometimes she will give someone a sniff or sometimes she will back away to increase her bubble.

Most people will respect her and read her cues and usually she will say hi within a minute or 2.
However some people seem to think they are the dog whisper and try to override me, saying she has to get used to people saying hi, and tell me how good they are with dogs.......

Yesterday's Example has annoyed me. Customer in pet shop ask to say hi. On her approach dog walked behind me. "I said she's shy and shes had a big walk and tired so she probably won't say hi". Anyway the Lady seemed to take it as a personal insult, and walked away only to come back 30s later and try again, looking sorry for my dog. My dog was fine, just didn't want a fuss off strangers, and was standing in the cue calmly as I payed.
Its not the first time that self proclaimed dog experts have done this to us.

We are slowly working on gaining her confidence, for example people she meets on walks she knows shes greets them friendly and lively, and she will now take a treat from the pet store staff ect.

OP posts:
KayFabe · 14/09/2026 07:33

I usually think that people who do this are drunk or something. Or just very pushy and oblivious to other's boundaries.
My dog is wary of men, so when a couple of men asked to pet him, that's what I told them. "It's OK, we're gay! they exclaimed. Er OK, my dog doesn't discriminate, and he's still scared of you.

TheBabyFatmoss · 14/09/2026 07:31

Make up a disease and tell people she’s infectious - also works with “friendly “ non recalling dogs to make the owner actually put a shift on and come and get them. Or try a labelled lead / harness.

PurpleThistle7 · 14/09/2026 07:28

TheLivelyCat · 14/09/2026 07:19

Yes she is a yellow lab. Not a bad bone in her body, but like you say reserved till she knows you.
People wouldn't do this to a shy child, so why a dog. Shes the equivalent to the shy child that hids behind there parents.

People 100% do this to quiet and reserved children. My daughter has situational mutism and really struggles with strangers and we’ve had plenty of awkward interactions.

Basically some people aren’t intuitive and don’t listen well. You are in charge so you need to be more clear and less worried about being polite. Just say no, don’t be hesitant.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 14/09/2026 07:26

YANBU to be annoyed.

BUT YABVU not to advocate for your dog more. She clearly doesn’t want to say hi, so why make her and ‘work on’ this? It’s not a big issue. Tbh sounds like a dream.

Dogs don’t need to say hi to people and people have no right to say hi. Just tell them no. Mine are all trained to ignore people.

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 07:25

TheLivelyCat · 14/09/2026 07:19

Yes she is a yellow lab. Not a bad bone in her body, but like you say reserved till she knows you.
People wouldn't do this to a shy child, so why a dog. Shes the equivalent to the shy child that hids behind there parents.

A dog is not a human.

You're on a hiding to nothing asking the world to react to a dog as if it were a human.

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 07:23

Firstly, you're being too vague. Tell them to please leave your dog alone.

Secondly don't take the dog to places like this, it doesn't benefit the dog to be amongst many people.

Overall dogs are far more often in spaces that put the dog into the path of unsuitable interactions, events, happenings. Owners could limit this more often.

AdeleRochester · 14/09/2026 07:20

I would never approach a strange dog to pet them.

But from your OP it sound like you arent being clear enough regarding boundaries.

Stop saying “probably won’t say hi” and start saying “no thank you” if that’s what you actually mean.

TheLivelyCat · 14/09/2026 07:19

MaterMoribund · 14/09/2026 07:16

With pushy people like this I had to get firm. Dog behind me and “No, she doesn’t want to”.
They are the opposite to the ‘dog experts’ they think they are. Every single person who knows/trains dogs well does not approach like this, so I have no hesitation now being a bit short with them and stepping in front of my dog if they persist.
Is she a yellow Lab? We have a reserved yellow and it’s really annoying when people assume she wants to say Hello to everyone and their dog.

Yes she is a yellow lab. Not a bad bone in her body, but like you say reserved till she knows you.
People wouldn't do this to a shy child, so why a dog. Shes the equivalent to the shy child that hids behind there parents.

OP posts:
OldrNWisr · 14/09/2026 07:19

”Probably” isn’t firm enough. Just say no, she’s very nervous and it will stress her out. Then repeat and block if they persist. Stop being so polite to strangers you’ll most likely never see again.

MaterMoribund · 14/09/2026 07:16

With pushy people like this I had to get firm. Dog behind me and “No, she doesn’t want to”.
They are the opposite to the ‘dog experts’ they think they are. Every single person who knows/trains dogs well does not approach like this, so I have no hesitation now being a bit short with them and stepping in front of my dog if they persist.
Is she a yellow Lab? We have a reserved yellow and it’s really annoying when people assume she wants to say Hello to everyone and their dog.

Hopomythumb · 14/09/2026 07:14

Probably won’t ’say hi’ 😂

Noshadowsinthedarkness · 14/09/2026 07:12

Totally agree.

I find it weird that people feel entitled to stroke other people’s pets.

We see people trying to coax our cat all the time when he’s out the front of the house. He couldn’t give less of a care and doesn’t want to be stroked. People do appear to take it personally.

TheLivelyCat · 14/09/2026 07:11

have you experience similar things. Or are you someone who will override a dog owners instructions and why?

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