AIBU to expect people to respect a shy dog’s boundaries?

And what’s your point? Don’t impinge on the personal space of another creature.

if you just leave your dog in a car or at home it will be a miserable life for it.
to socialise it then you need to introduce it to places that you will be visiting often.
no reason why a dog cannot enjoy a pet shop without being grabbed.
if i see a dog i like which is all of them! i just smile and say to the owner what a lovely dog or name breed, if unsure i ask oh what a lovely dog what breed? the owners are friendly and then you can ask if you can touch but if the answer is no then i just smile and say hope you both have a nice walk/visit

You need to be a better advocate for your dog.
She is telling you she doesn't want interaction with strangers and you need to listen to her. Just say "no, but thanks for asking" when people ask to pet her.

If you carry on being vague, she may lose her trust in you and start advocating for herself (I.e. escalating to growling/snapping)

I have a dog who hates being intentionally touched by strangers. She is completely non reactive and can be walked through the heaviest of crowds because she trusts me 100% that I will advocate for her. If anyone asks to pet? "No, she's not friendly, but thank you for asking ".

I had this. I then began telling people ‘don’t touch her - she’s being treated for ringworm.’ The approaching / touching stops immediately. A shout of ‘she’s got a bacterial infection - can you recall your dog?’ soon kicks crap owners into action.

Just say she is not friendly. End of. Don’t make excuses. My dog is unpredictable. I warn people from a distance. Mind you I wouldn’t take her the pet shop either as there is always kids, dog lovers and other dogs.

Comparing yourself having an undisturbed meal to a dog not wanting to be petted is a bit of a stretch

We have 2 super friendly dogs and one nervous/shy dog so we got her a bright yellow harness with "nervous dog" written all over it and its really helped with boundaries and people seem to take it less personally now that she hides

Someone I know used to have an extremely grumpy jack Russell, and people would try to overrule her even when she told people not to approach him because he wasn't friendly! She didn't take him into the pet shop obv though

Not quite the same, but people used to do this with my terrified cat too - not believing that he was scared. I think a lot of people don't really understand cats though

They have the word 'anxious' printed on them repeatedly.

But I found people couldn't see that from farway with off lead dogs anyways.

And its not a universally known thing that a yellow lead = anxious dog.

Plus a lot of the types of people that allow off lead dogs to approach on lead dogs wouldn't care anyways or be able to read

I set boundaries myself.

No sorry you can’t touch them because of whatever reason.

I have giants and it’s hard but if I didn’t I would have people touching them constantly!

She's not a child.

I've never heard of yellow leads.

I have this exact situation and it's become a vicious circle now where I am anxious that she will be approached and my anxieties are obviously picked up on by my dog, which probably makes her anxious before she is even approached.

Its sad because she is a lovely dog and she is having her walks restricted and confined because of other humans behaviours.

If we walk passed the park we only go in if there are no off lead dogs.

My dog doesn't attack off her own back. She is kept on lead at all times in public spaces and she would never approach another dog. She has no interest in them.

But if a dog approaches she gets scared and either growls in defence or tries to bolt which freaks me out so badly because I had a dog that got chased by another dog out of a park and she got run over.

So I have a terrible fear of her escaping her harness and running.

So many times I have shouted to owners to please keep their off lead dogs away and they have absolutely no control over their dogs. At all.

Many make no attempt to come and grab their dogs. Some become angry that I am asking them to keep their dogs away.

All the time i get 'Don't worry, he is friendly!!'

🙄

Well, thats nice. But my dog may not be if yours gets in her face!

But them somehow I am the irresponsible owner fo having a fear reactive dog on a lead.

What do you want me to do? Put her to sleep?? Never walk her? Walk her at 3am.

She has a right to walk on lead in a public park and if your off lead dog approaches with no recall, thats a YOU problem.

She is a pug by the way, incase people are picturing some XL bully!

I really do not think dogs should be off lead in public places. I know a lot of dog owners will disagree.

And there are some that really do put the work in and train and have impeccable recall and it is unfair to those people. But the vast majority do not.

So I think for safety all round dogs should be on lead in public and maybe have fenced designated dog areas in larger councils run parks for dogs to have some off lead walks in a controlled environment.

And of course there are private fields for hire quite cheap. Perhaps there could be dog beaches where you can go off lead etc

She's not the equivalent of a shy child. She's a dog. Keep her away from people if you don't like how they act.

It took me ages at realise other pple (including other dog owners which makes it even more frustrating!) can’t comprehended a dog might have feelings other than the surface level expected of its breed. So they see an Alsatian and wil tend to be more cautious but see a Lab & expect wags & eager friendliness. My rescue Lab was nervous /occasionally reactive & even with a yellow harness saying Nervous Dog! Do not approach - pple still did. The only other problem is that some pple take their dogs in dog friendly public spaces like Pets at Home as a nice part of their outing for food etc & so pple expect if you’re somewhere public, your dog must like being in these spaces & is well socialised. Easier for me because I had to avoid those kind of outings with my dog - whereas yours is just “shy”.
I’d question if it is just shyness & that she’s actually anxious. I’d be vocally a lot firmer that she’s nervous with strangers, be anticipating on coming other people more & proactively protecting her & moving out of the way from well meaning requests to pat her etc. Most pple should ask permission before they pat someone else’s dog - but they don’t - or get offended if you decline. Just got to be more assertive I think.

Sorry, but this is a load of rubbish. If a dog is well behaved and minds its own business, you should be able to take it to a shop/cafe/pub without people approaching.

I’m glad someone else thought this! If a dog ever says ‘hi’ to me I will start running and I will not look back🤣

Yes, I understand it’s not literal, but it’s a funny image. Also a slightly irritating extension of the anthropomorphism of dogs.

As a dog owner, I'd say stop taking your dogs into shops, including the pet shop. Why not just get DH to nip in and wait in the car? Also get a yellow lead so people are aware.

I have a very anxious dog and so have experienced all sorts. Anyone with an anxious
or reactive dog will confirm the same experience.

I also find there is a certain type of dog walker who seems to think I have made her this way through my own actions so I get plenty of unsolicited advice. Because clearly if I only behaved like they do with their dog, I would suddenly have a super friendly, people and dog-loving pup. I don’t know what gives them this tremendous amount of confidence in their dog rearing abilities but they do indeed walk amongst us!

I accept that my dog doesn’t like being approached randomly and try to control the environment as much as I can to ensure that doesn’t happen. Most people are respectful once you state it clearly. She is then socialised in other, more predictable ways which is considerably less stressful for all concerned.

My dog wore a yellow 'anxious' harness and lead for a while but I swapped it back to her pretty pink one because nobody paid it any attention and we had the exact same stuff happening with ot without it.

Some people have a huge entitlement to other people's pets. I block them bodily from getting too close.

As others have said, there is nothing for you to work on. Your dog doesn’t need to be trained not to be shy or to be happy with strangers touching them.

You are saying strangers should respect your dog’s boundaries -so should you. Stop putting your dog in situations they aren’t comfortable with eg a pet shop. They may not be a ‘typical’ Labrador and that’s fine. .

There will always be annoying people who want to touch your dog. Be firmer.

I always say hello to dogs I pass but generally don’t touch unless they are wagging and looking really keen to say hello to me.

Because most people don't pay the slightest bit of attention to what a dogs’ lead or coat says. It’s also generally assumed that a dog in a public place like a shop, cafe etc. is friendly because otherwise they wouldn’t be there.

I’m not saying that’s the correct assumption to make but you can understand why - I mean, if I had a nervous dog who wasn’t a fan of being fussed, the last thing I would do is take them into a pet shop which is going to be filled with staff and customers who are all probably going to want to say hello.