Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask adult children to take over pet costs?

38 replies

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:07

I have 3 children and they each have their 'own" pets that were adopted/bought when they were under 16.
Each wanted a specific pet and did the whole 'I will look after it' thing that kids do.

To their credit they have all kept up responsibilities for their animals and each animal spends a lot of time with their own child.

I do, of course, spend a lot of time with them too.

All the 'kids' are over 18 now and have their own incomes (but live at home).

WIBU to ask each one to take over the pet insurance costs and the food costs of their own animal?

I'm torn because they did ask for the animals, they do consider themselves to be individual owners of the animals, if they moved out they would 100% take the animals with them and they are adults now with their own money.

However, I also think that I was the adult in the situation and agreed to take on the animals and I do love them and get joy from them myself and have covered everything so far so would be unfair to suddenly change it?

If it makes any difference I do not charge any of them keep so they can save as much as they can whilst at home.

OP posts:
BoarBrush · 13/09/2026 20:13

Dd wanted a gecko, we got the gecko on the understanding that she would actually be my responsibility.

OtterlyMad · 13/09/2026 20:20

I think it would be fair to at least ask for a contribution from each of them towards their pet’s food and insurance.

grinandslothit · 13/09/2026 20:24

Yes they should pay for their own pet as well as do the feeding and walking if needed

Itsdarkateight · 13/09/2026 20:27

What pets do they have? A horse would be slightly more costly than a guinea pig for example and would they be able to afford upkeep?

Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely · 13/09/2026 20:30

I got 2 dkittens. When 1 died dd begged for another 1 (she was 15)..
She has moved out and I buy food but she pays for jabs etc..
Dcat still lives at 'home-..

Original poster
GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:30

BoarBrush · 13/09/2026 20:13

Dd wanted a gecko, we got the gecko on the understanding that she would actually be my responsibility.

That wasn't our understanding though. They all knew that the animals would primarily be their own responsibilities and they have stuck to that agreement fully to their credits.

Only the financial aspects of pet ownership wasn't discussed because they were teenagers in High school. Now they are adults with their own money.

OP posts:
Raptors · 13/09/2026 20:32

You brought the pets so no matter what they promised you did so on the understanding that they were your responsibility?

Original poster
GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:33

Itsdarkateight · 13/09/2026 20:27

What pets do they have? A horse would be slightly more costly than a guinea pig for example and would they be able to afford upkeep?

They are all cats. I don't know why I didn't just say that in the first message 😅🤣

They don't pay rent and I still cover food and utility costs for them all so they could more than afford the £50ish a month for food and insurance.

OP posts:
Givemeabreakdagdammit · 13/09/2026 20:34

I would OP, it's part of pet ownership that's really important that a lot of people don't appreciate. They are earning their own money now and therefore you are setting them up for independence when they do finally move with their pet.

Original poster
GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:37

Raptors · 13/09/2026 20:32

You brought the pets so no matter what they promised you did so on the understanding that they were your responsibility?

I bought the pets for them with the understanding they were THEIR responsibility. We had multiple serious conversations about pet ownership, husbandry, cat needs and the commitment a animal takes which they all agreed to. And they have all continued to take 90% responsibility for each animal and their needs as discussed.

I have always footed the bill but now that I have all 3 at home still with no financial contribution, child benefit stopped etc... its becoming more strained and although I do not want to ask them to start paying board or bills I thought it might be fair to ask them to cover the costs of the animals.

OP posts:
twilightcafe · 13/09/2026 20:38

Why not charge adult children a bit of housekeeping?

Friendlygingercat · 13/09/2026 20:38

From the age of 14 until left home at 22 I had tortoises. Never less than 4. My parents took no interest in them and it was my responsibility to feed, clean and arrange their safe hibernation. When I left I re-homed them.

If they have their own income and pay no rent (???) then they can well afford to pay insurance, food and other expenses.

Raptors · 13/09/2026 20:40

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:37

I bought the pets for them with the understanding they were THEIR responsibility. We had multiple serious conversations about pet ownership, husbandry, cat needs and the commitment a animal takes which they all agreed to. And they have all continued to take 90% responsibility for each animal and their needs as discussed.

I have always footed the bill but now that I have all 3 at home still with no financial contribution, child benefit stopped etc... its becoming more strained and although I do not want to ask them to start paying board or bills I thought it might be fair to ask them to cover the costs of the animals.

Show quote history

Even with lots of conversations at the end of the day the adult buying the pet has the responsibility. I don't understand why you'd choose this as something for them to pay towards rather than charging them board and a portion of the bills??

aCatCalledFawkes · 13/09/2026 20:41

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:33

They are all cats. I don't know why I didn't just say that in the first message 😅🤣

They don't pay rent and I still cover food and utility costs for them all so they could more than afford the £50ish a month for food and insurance.

Show quote history

Cats I think are a bit different from a horse or a dog. How old are the cats?

RandomMess · 13/09/2026 20:43

If you have financial difficulties they need to contribute to the household pot.

GOODCAT · 13/09/2026 20:46

I was 12 when I had my own pet (not my choice or request) I had to work to pay all costs from the outset. My parents would have covered vet bills if I didn't have enough money, but I would have had to pay it back.

By 17, I had two and had been persuaded by my Dad to have both of them. I always paid for them. I was 48 when the second one passed away! My Dad had also died by then.

Not sure how long lived your kids pets are, but seriously have them take over the costs now!

GOODCAT · 13/09/2026 20:47

Sorry just saw they were cats, so probably won't be such a long time.

Original poster
GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:48

Raptors · 13/09/2026 20:40

Even with lots of conversations at the end of the day the adult buying the pet has the responsibility. I don't understand why you'd choose this as something for them to pay towards rather than charging them board and a portion of the bills??

Show quote history

Well its the same thing really? I could say cover the costs of the pets or give me £100 a month (which would still go towards covering the full costs of the pets)
It's the same outcome? But this way they know why I am asking for them to contribute.

OP posts:
Username7258 · 13/09/2026 20:50

I don't think you're doing them any favours by not getting them used to at least some of the cost of living. Pets are a luxury.

blackhorsesxx · 13/09/2026 20:50

F

Raptors · 13/09/2026 21:03

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:48

Well its the same thing really? I could say cover the costs of the pets or give me £100 a month (which would still go towards covering the full costs of the pets)
It's the same outcome? But this way they know why I am asking for them to contribute.

Show quote history

I don't think it is. Board (aka housing costs) and bills are essentials and a pet is a luxury. The fact they are not contributing to living costs but you want to ask for only £100 a month is odd to me. Your adult children presumably cost you way more than that to live with you and yet they're not expected to contribute to the household costs?

Gobbledegoo · 13/09/2026 21:06

They are Adults and have responsibility for the animals, therefore they should pay for them totally.

mummydoris2006 · 13/09/2026 21:55

My DD20 has two horses, she's had a pony since she was 9. Once she started employment she took over the financial cost of them but we don't charge her rent. She did get a dog for her 18th birthday, we pay for his food etc with our own dogs food but she pays for his injections.

MyThreeWords · 13/09/2026 22:05

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:48

Well its the same thing really? I could say cover the costs of the pets or give me £100 a month (which would still go towards covering the full costs of the pets)
It's the same outcome? But this way they know why I am asking for them to contribute.

Show quote history

But this is a weird way of doing it. Why single out the pets in this way, instead of asking for a reasonable contribution to all household costs? These are two really different things, emotionally.
A contribution to costs from each member of the means that you are all working together as a unit. But focusing just on the pets makes it seem like you are trying to cast them out of your sphere of maternal protection - as a symbolic way of casting out your children themselves.

It feels drenched in unspoken conflicts and resentment. It reminds me of a mother tiger chasing away her adolescent young. Just get them to pay a sensible 'rent'.

Bookbears · 13/09/2026 22:12

GoblinEgg · 13/09/2026 20:37

I bought the pets for them with the understanding they were THEIR responsibility. We had multiple serious conversations about pet ownership, husbandry, cat needs and the commitment a animal takes which they all agreed to. And they have all continued to take 90% responsibility for each animal and their needs as discussed.

I have always footed the bill but now that I have all 3 at home still with no financial contribution, child benefit stopped etc... its becoming more strained and although I do not want to ask them to start paying board or bills I thought it might be fair to ask them to cover the costs of the animals.

Show quote history

Yes but you said yourself you never discussed the financial side of things. You are the adult, you bought your children a pet. You pay the vet bills, the insurance, the food costs. You take the financial responsibility for them because they weren’t old enough to do it themselves. As the adult that’s what you sign up for. Just because they are 18 doesn’t now mean your responsibility disappeared because the child benefit stopped. You shouldn’t have bought them the animals if you knew you couldn’t afford to keep them beyond 18. It’s irresponsible.

That being said, if you can’t afford your bills, charge them rent.