To ask adult children to take over pet costs?

How old were the children when you bought the pets? If very young I would call them family pets as you will have bought them expecting to be responsible for them.

Are they working? If so, why not charge them board and keep responsibility for paying for the pets for now. You could explain this is to cover pet costs and something towards the household food budget. Doing it this way makes more sense to me as one cat may end up with vet bills and the others not. What you suggest would mean one child pays more. I would treat them equally while living at home.

If they're all working full-time I don't understand why you wouldn't ask for some contribution to the pets/living expenses when funding the household is a strain on your finances.

Charge them £75 a month in housekeeping and use it for the pet insurance, food and litter.
problem solved

Have you come across MyPetCard? It's a bit like GoHenry for pets. Very cute product. You just pay what you can afford into a savings account for your pet and use it for pet care. Thinking your kids can be doing that and if they dont actually need the money they have built up a wee savings pot for themselves! Might not avoid all your pet care bills but could be a good halfway house?

You say that you don’t charge them anything at all for their keep ‘so they can save’. Are they actually saving a significant percentage of their earnings? I can’t imagine many young adults have the maturity to do this to be honest.

Sit down as a family, decide on a fair rent/board based on what each of them earns (20% seems to be the going rate in my circle). This teaches them about real life…what things cost and how we all have to pay our way. They should be putting another 20% in a savings account, which would still leave them with 60% of their wage to do whatever they want with.

There are so many threads on here at the moment about young adults living freely at home, not contributing to even the smallest household expenses. It’s mind boggling to me!

I love the idea of 3 cats, each bonded with a particular child. And yes it would be fine to ask them to start covering costs for them, pets aren’t cheap, and they aren’t paying any other costs at home.

Paying board and paying pet costs are two different things, even if the amount you charge them is the same.

It appears that you're a bit embarrassed to ask for household costs so are trying to couch it in terms of something else.

Your family situation is that the stoppage of child benefit is noticed by you, that's the financial reality. You would be doing them much more of a favour by explaining this, it's how the real world works.
Even people who have no financial need for their young adults to pay keep often charge them in order to get them used to paying their way.

I would be having conversations with them about the cost of living in general, have a quiz, who can guess how much you pay per month for electricity, water, gas, internet, home insurance etc. Talk about higher costs in winter and saving towards those, or saving for car repairs or whatever. Talk to them about pet insurance and costs as well.

And lay out how much you are paying on average per month on all these costs and what they think would be a fair contribution since they are benefitting from it all.

My parents were not mega well-off, both worked, they did not charge rent and now have 2 adults in their late 20s living at home and not paying. They are financially illiterate, spend all their money like teenagers. DPs won't hear of taking money off the 'kids' and don't accept that they actually should to prepare them better for eventual independence.

My DD is covering the expenses of her dog in her early 20s. She took over those expenses at the start of this year. She has a stable income and plenty of money left over, so it is reasonable for her to do this. I do, however, accept full responsibility for the dog that I allowed her to get as a teen. I knew this when I agreed to let her get it, that it is ultimately my responsibility. I would never let the dog go without anything needed, whether my DD could afford it or not.

It depends on individual circumstances what is right, but the dog is still something I would take responsibility for if needed.

My friend wants her kids to be able to save a deposit while they live at home, but even she has asked them all to pay a small amount of rent to cover what she used to get in child benefit.
I think it's entirely fair to say to them "the cost of everything has gone up a lot, I need you to contribute xyz". Nothing wrong with framing it as being for the cats or just general household stuff.

If they aren’t paying board, this I think it’s reasonable. Or just charge them board equal the cost of the insurance and food if that’s more comfortable

Sorry OP, but you bought the pets when they were minors. Those are your animals. I suppose you could discuss transfer of ownership and costs with an open mind for compromises or transitional phases.

Yes, it’s fine to ask them to contribute.

I live with my two young adult children, both of whom have disabilities & MH issues. My mum
also lives with us as I am her full time carer (I also spend a lot if time caring for my kids as they can be quite high needs).

I had to give up work to be a carer so I get UC & Carer’s Allowance and my DS gets PIP.

We got two rescue cats as my DS was desperate for a pet and the two that we got have been really good for DS & DD’s mental health. However, as much as I’d love to be able to fully support four adults and two cats I just can’t.

i sat down with my mum and DS and suggested that going forward, we split the costs of the Pet Insurance, Vet Care and cat food between
the three of us. It works out at roughly £40 a month each (the biggest outlay is actually cat food as the little furry eating machines will only eat Felix) DD doesn’t contribute at the moment as she is technically NEET but as and when she has money coming in. I will ask her to contribute too.

it’s important that when they’re old enough they learn to take responsibility for things- otherwise I worry that when they eventually leave home they won’t have the skills or sense of responsibility to manage - obviously it’s slightly different for mine with disabilities but the principle is sound.

Yes but you said yourself you never discussed the financial side of things. You are the adult, you bought your children a pet. You pay the vet bills, the insurance, the food costs. You take the financial responsibility for them because they weren’t old enough to do it themselves. As the adult that’s what you sign up for. Just because they are 18 doesn’t now mean your responsibility disappeared because the child benefit stopped. You shouldn’t have bought them the animals if you knew you couldn’t afford to keep them beyond 18. It’s irresponsible.

That being said, if you can’t afford your bills, charge them rent.

But this is a weird way of doing it. Why single out the pets in this way, instead of asking for a reasonable contribution to all household costs? These are two really different things, emotionally.
A contribution to costs from each member of the means that you are all working together as a unit. But focusing just on the pets makes it seem like you are trying to cast them out of your sphere of maternal protection - as a symbolic way of casting out your children themselves.

It feels drenched in unspoken conflicts and resentment. It reminds me of a mother tiger chasing away her adolescent young. Just get them to pay a sensible 'rent'.

My DD20 has two horses, she's had a pony since she was 9. Once she started employment she took over the financial cost of them but we don't charge her rent. She did get a dog for her 18th birthday, we pay for his food etc with our own dogs food but she pays for his injections.

They are Adults and have responsibility for the animals, therefore they should pay for them totally.

I don't think it is. Board (aka housing costs) and bills are essentials and a pet is a luxury. The fact they are not contributing to living costs but you want to ask for only £100 a month is odd to me. Your adult children presumably cost you way more than that to live with you and yet they're not expected to contribute to the household costs?

F

I don't think you're doing them any favours by not getting them used to at least some of the cost of living. Pets are a luxury.

Sorry just saw they were cats, so probably won't be such a long time.

I was 12 when I had my own pet (not my choice or request) I had to work to pay all costs from the outset. My parents would have covered vet bills if I didn't have enough money, but I would have had to pay it back.

By 17, I had two and had been persuaded by my Dad to have both of them. I always paid for them. I was 48 when the second one passed away! My Dad had also died by then.

Not sure how long lived your kids pets are, but seriously have them take over the costs now!

If you have financial difficulties they need to contribute to the household pot.

Cats I think are a bit different from a horse or a dog. How old are the cats?