Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

687 replies

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

OP posts:
Bridang · 15/09/2026 07:59

Skates · 14/09/2026 20:16

Really. What’s so confusing. Dogs don’t care if your
fat/thin
rich or poor
what you do for a living
how much you earn
pretty or ugly
how many friends you have
healthy or ill
how big your house is
your Facebook/ instagram posts
married or single
dogs only want 3 things
love
food
shelter
now tell me how many humans are like that

Show quote history

You do know that dogs are animals? That human beings have tamed and trained to do their bidding. Dogs have much less higher level cognitive thinking and are not going to be running the country any time soon. Of course they are going to be more biddable and do what you want, because that’s what you have trained them to do and they are simple animals. Comparing dogs to humans like this is a very odd thing to do.

I always wonder, re people who dislike other people and prefer dogs, I feel sorry that you have not been able to surround yourself with decent humans. I know many people who are wonderful, kind, funny, interesting and reliable etc. Do you think it says something about you that you have not met decent people in your life or have you just been unlucky?

Biggles27 · 15/09/2026 08:27

I say this as someone who untill last weekend had a dog. Unfortunately you need to find a kennels you trust for these times. It cost us just over £800 for our boy to have 2 weeks in kennels as they are the only ones we trusted

my parents did a lot of the short term/ short notice pet care but due to their health can no longer help. They helped with my dog as they’d known him for 16 years and he was exceptionally quiet in his old age so they could cope, but there is no way they’d manage a young dog

As our kennels books up ages in advance we have decided not to get another dog as we don’t have sufficient care in place

we are looking into reliable home boarders as an alternative

Your daughter in law is more than entitled to say no (from a dog mum)

SaltandPepper22 · 15/09/2026 08:32

Bridang · 15/09/2026 07:59

You do know that dogs are animals? That human beings have tamed and trained to do their bidding. Dogs have much less higher level cognitive thinking and are not going to be running the country any time soon. Of course they are going to be more biddable and do what you want, because that’s what you have trained them to do and they are simple animals. Comparing dogs to humans like this is a very odd thing to do.

I always wonder, re people who dislike other people and prefer dogs, I feel sorry that you have not been able to surround yourself with decent humans. I know many people who are wonderful, kind, funny, interesting and reliable etc. Do you think it says something about you that you have not met decent people in your life or have you just been unlucky?

Show quote history

I think this too - and it’s not all dog owners, just the ones who make their dog their whole personality, call it their baby and think it deserves the same status as a child. Mostly they have been misanthropes

dh280125 · 15/09/2026 09:14

Pets are a you thing. It’s unreasonable to expect family to care for them. Hire a sitter or even get one for free to stay in your house.

SquidLife · 15/09/2026 09:46

I wouldn't let my mum bring her dogs to my house at all. I don't like them or their smell and I don't want them in my home. You are entirely unreasonable and you need to tell your daughters they have no business being annoyed either.

Cadeaukatze · 15/09/2026 17:58

SaltandPepper22 · 14/09/2026 20:18

Oh no I really disagree with that. Families should help each other, it’s what they are for. My mum’s having an operation tomorrow, I’ll be popping round on Wednesday with a couple of lasagnes so neither she nor my dad have to cook this week. (Just an example from today!)

Show quote history

Well people aren't usually allergic to cooking. Or frightened (though I am scared of deep fat fryers!) And if you are rubbish at cooking/baking you can always buy a couple of ready meals.

It's a very different thing to an open ended commitment to look after a living being.

SaltandPepper22 · 15/09/2026 18:05

Cadeaukatze · 15/09/2026 17:58

Well people aren't usually allergic to cooking. Or frightened (though I am scared of deep fat fryers!) And if you are rubbish at cooking/baking you can always buy a couple of ready meals.

It's a very different thing to an open ended commitment to look after a living being.

Show quote history

I don’t disagree at all - I have emphatically said the OP is being wildly unreasonable. What object to is that this is because we don’t have a duty to help each other in general, which I believe that we do.

Yetone · 17/09/2026 12:58

SaltandPepper22 · 15/09/2026 18:05

I don’t disagree at all - I have emphatically said the OP is being wildly unreasonable. What object to is that this is because we don’t have a duty to help each other in general, which I believe that we do.

Show quote history

Sorry, some people will always require help because they make decisions that will always require other people to help them.

Greypanda86 · 18/09/2026 11:25

EatingSky · 14/09/2026 22:14

its actually potentially dangerous to have a dog in a home, especially one with children, where no one likes dogs or knows how to interact and look after them. It isn’t second nature for non dog people, and this is exactly the sort of situation where even a normally placid dog could trigger stack and end up biting someone. Not everybody can look after dogs even when it is second nature to those of us who are dog people.

Show quote history

Fair enough you’re probably right

Shinyandnew1 · 18/09/2026 11:43

Allmarbleslost · 14/09/2026 22:40

Why are you taking your dog to her house when you know she doesn't like dogs???

Exactly! She’s happy to impose her dog on a daughter in law, but not the unwell relative they are going to visit!

Waytoohothot · 18/09/2026 14:28

Your dog is not her problem, i like dogs but i wouldnt have someones dog in my house, the dog will have to go in kennels or you will have to pay someone to go in and feed it and walk it...where on.earth do you think shes going to put a dog if she doesnt like them.also one of you could stay home with the dog and the other go,

Paganpentacle · 18/09/2026 15:17

Your dog, your problem.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page