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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

687 replies

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

OP posts:
user293948849167 · 13/09/2026 20:37

I do like dogs and have one but it’s really unreasonable to expect a person who doesn’t like them to look after one, it’s not fair on her or the dog.

DriedPetals · 13/09/2026 20:37

Just because she’s a SAHM doesn’t mean she’s at your disposal in an emergency! And you know you’re being completely unreasonable.

jwoo23 · 13/09/2026 20:37

Where are you? If I can help I will!!!!!

pizzaHeart · 13/09/2026 20:36

Of course you are very unreasonable. If your DIL wanted to have a dog she would have one. She was very clear that she wouldn’t want to look after yours so it’s not like she mislead you.

Is it a reverse by any chance?

outerspacepotato · 13/09/2026 20:36

Your DIL doesn't like dogs. That includes your dog. You're extremely unreasonable expecting her to watch your dog.

Hire a pet sitter. Board your dog. But don't expect someone who doesn't even like dogs to take care of yours. 🙄

Loub1987 · 13/09/2026 20:36

My issue with this, is that you are expecting the SAHM to take care of your responsibilities. She may have plans, why can’t your son and daughters come up with plan to care for the dog.

I like dogs but I would be uncomfortable having one in my house with small children’s who I wasn’t 100% sure of.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/09/2026 20:35

Livelaughlurgy · 13/09/2026 19:38

It's interesting that you accept your daughters employers boundaries but not your daughter in laws boundaries. Maybe their employers are being unreasonable? Your daughter in law has a hard no. The same way the employers have a hard no to flexibility and remote working.

This. Everybody is allowed to say no, bar her. Yes, you're being damned unreasonable.

Also -
"but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather"
You take your dog when you go visiting? Knowing the dog isn't welcome? Why are you not leaving the dog in your house when you visit? What the hell?

Cadeaukatze · 13/09/2026 20:35

There are actually very few guide/assistance dogs (7000) in the UK so you don't need to cope with them in the workplace in most cases. And they are very different from a pet anyway. Being a working dog doesn't solve the allergy issue but it solves any concern of employees about it jumping up, licking your face, being a hassle etc.

If people do not like dogs, they do not like dogs and it would be pretty unkind to dump a dog on someone who doesn't want it and has no idea how to look after it. It's interesting how so-called dog lovers show little or no consideration for dogs at times.

I'd look after someone's rabbit or guinea pig as I like them and had them as a child so have a bit more idea of how to look after them.

If you are about the welfare of an animal you find someone appropriate to look after it. not the nearest (female) relative.

And it's offensive to act as if children and dogs are in any way comparable.

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 20:34

seahorsessky · 13/09/2026 20:27

What an awful woman. I don't like spiders but would help you out in a situation like this. And, unlike spiders, there are many workplaces which have guide dogs etc in them, so while no one has to like dogs, unless you are happy about excluding those with disabilities, you need to be able to tolerate them. I made a point of getting my kids ok with dogs when they were little for this very reason.

Does she know she's the only one who doesn't work outside the home in the family? As in, I'd have some sympathy if she thought you had another option.

She is a SAHM because she has at least one small child at home. She isn't a SAHM to take on other family members responsibilities.

Somethinggg · 13/09/2026 20:34

BeEagerRubyBird · 13/09/2026 20:26

I'm not sure it's quite that clear cut in terms of feelings about dogs. I grew up with dogs and several family members have them, I wouldn't say I'm scared of them. But I am very uncomfortable around them in a way that goes beyond mere dislike - the chaos, the licking me, the jumping up at me (obviously depends a bit on the dog) are basically a sensory nightmare that I cannot cope with for very long. And if they're very boisterous I'm on edge about them being around my kid.

My parents have a friendly but large and boisterous dog and they have a long standing arrangement for temporary care with the breeder they got her from, there are also care places that are much more like farms than kennels, if you have a dog you need to have some kind of plan like that. I do a lot for my parents but I'm not sure I could have the dog for more than a day or so even in a real emergency, I just can't handle it.

Show quote history

This is true. Lots of people who don't necessarily have a fear still find dogs to be hard for sensory reasons and/or consider them unsanitary. That can be the case even when the dog is well behaved, which there's no reason to presume OPs is.

DIL also has sole care of a toddler, which opens up the question of whether said dog is going to be ok around a small child who isn't used to dogs.

Meandthegherkin · 13/09/2026 20:34

Also why does it have to be family looking after the dog? Could you not ask a friend rather than trying to force someone who doesn’t like dogs.

TheBossOfMe · 13/09/2026 20:34

Being a “housewife” doesn’t mean she’s doing sweet FA.

Raghnaid · 13/09/2026 20:34

Your anger is misplaced @BadGran

Your son is abroad, your DiL doesn't like dogs. Both perfectly valid reasons for being unable to help.

Of the other 6 adults (2xDD's+partners) plus you and DH, you cannot find a solution amongst you?

Why does your DiL have to bear the brunt?

Blushingm · 13/09/2026 20:33

diddl · 13/09/2026 20:29

Or her son?

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I think the son is abroad? But he could easily come back and stay at the in laws to look after the precious dog

HedgerowD · 13/09/2026 20:33

Byebyeblackbirds26 · 13/09/2026 20:19

Given that you said you dropped your son and DiL's child on its head when you were babysitting, I wouldn't push the entitlement too far if I were you OP.

I would love to hear the DiL's side of this situation and family dynamic.

Definitely think she must have the patience of a saint!

WTF

Millytante · 13/09/2026 20:33

millymollymoomoo · 13/09/2026 19:41

I disagree with other posters.

i get she doesnt like dogs. But this is a family emergency and during such time family should pull together to help out. I’d feel the same.
I’ve put myself out on numerous occasions to help look after various animals, making multiple trips a day etc , while working full time, young kids of my own etc - because they’re family and it’s what you do

If a person does not like dogs it’s rarely akin to not liking the Beatles, or coffee. It’s a dislike that can run very deep
This would be way more than an imposition or a nuisance. I can’t believe the request was even made!
If a kennel is for some reason quite out of the question and the dog cannot accompany OP in the car, then one of her so, so busy and far more important offspring will have to take a few days off and deal with this.

But it has absolutely nothing to do with poor DIL, though I bet she will never be allowed to forget ‘letting down family’, yadda yadda. (Get the impression she is already somewhat sidelined)

Sassylovesbooks · 13/09/2026 20:33

I don't mind dogs, but I've never cared for a dog in any shape or form. I've always had cats. Even if I didn't have a cat, the fact I have zero experience of dogs, would mean I wouldn't be looking after one. My husband is nervous of dogs, and there's absolutely no way he'd care for a dog in it's own home, let alone have one in our home.

Your DIL has made herself very clear, that she doesn't like dogs and won't have one in her home. She's been consistent with that stance. I'm not sure why you now think, she's going to change her mind?!

Unfortunately, you will have no choice but pay for a dog sitter or arrange for your dog to go into kennels. It might not be ideal, but that's the reality of the situation. You can't force your DIL to look after an animal she dislikes, that's completely unrealistic.

Starburst360 · 13/09/2026 20:32

The world doesn’t revolve around your dog.

Itsdarkateight · 13/09/2026 20:31

YOU ARE BEINB VERY UNREASONABLE!

And it’s fuck all to do with your daughters

Keymoment · 13/09/2026 20:31

You are completely unreasonable. Your dil has done nothing wrong. Your expectations are way off.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/09/2026 20:30

puppysleepdeprivation · 13/09/2026 20:07

Maybe I'm assuming too much, but as the op didn't mention that her daughter-in-law has a phobia of dogs or that the dog in question is particularly large, aggressive, or frightening, I'm assuming that it's more a matter of the daughter-in-law just not liking dogs and probably not wanting her home to smell like a dog. Fair enough, but I do think it's selfish to refuse to help in an emergency situation.

All that said, if she won't agree to care for the dog, then she won't. Getting a dog walker during the day and keeping the dog with one of your daughters is probably the best bet.

Even if she didn't mind having a dog in her home, with her husband working away, all the care of the dog would fall to her. In a previous post OP referred to her DIL having a baby, so I assume she has a small child to care for which would make taking the dog for walks/picking up poo quite difficult for her.

HisNibs · 13/09/2026 20:30

Byebyeblackbirds26 · 13/09/2026 20:19

Given that you said you dropped your son and DiL's child on its head when you were babysitting, I wouldn't push the entitlement too far if I were you OP.

I would love to hear the DiL's side of this situation and family dynamic.

Definitely think she must have the patience of a saint!

Well spotted @Byebyeblackbirds26. After reading that I had to do an advanced search and sure enough...
To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again | Mumsnet
I'm not surprised they've never asked OP to look after their child again. I'm even less surprised DIL won't look after the dog. I'm sure she loves her MIL bringing the dog over regardless when visiting.
She can't ever say yes even in this special circumstance because the first time she did, OP would expect her to accommodate the dog on all other occasions.

To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again | Mumsnet

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time. It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5446899-to-think-ive-blown-my-chances-of-looking-after-dgd-again

Givemeabreakdagdammit · 13/09/2026 20:29

I don't think YABU, it's an emergency, family should support one another. Is she allergic or is it a fear? That would change my mind, if it's just a dislike, if suck it up for a family emergency.

PolkaDotPorridge · 13/09/2026 20:29

I have four dogs. I wouldn’t want them to go to someone who doesn’t like dogs! That said, I don’t know anyone that does not like dogs. Thank goodness! It’s weird.

diddl · 13/09/2026 20:29

Blushingm · 13/09/2026 20:26

Why can’t one of the daughters take AL leave to mind the dog?

Or her son?

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