AIBU to avoid family holidays because I compare myself to my sister-in-law?

54 replies

Cralouie · 12/09/2026 18:30

Hi, so for context I’m probably feeling more insecure than usual as life has just been hard and while I know comparison is the thief of joy sometimes I find it really hard to not compare.

My partner and I have been together for over a decade, we have two boys who are 6 and 7. We aren’t well off, we rent, we work ordinary jobs, we have some debt we are paying down and things are just tough right now.

My partner has a younger sister she’s 28, has two daughter is married, owns their home outright and seems to have everything going for her. She’s stunning, extremely naturally pretty, thin, looks younger than 28, tall etc.
Her daughters who are 2 and 4 also seem to be a breeze to raise compared to our sons, obviously not perfect but both are fantastic eaters and sleepers, pretty well behaved most of the time etc.

In the summer DPs parents took us all on holiday and I came back feeling like crap, one because I was always physically comparing myself to her, I’m a healthy weight but don’t feel good in my body, I’m definitely feeling like I look a lot older now at 35, and especially compared to the way she just does nothing, very little make up, never dyed her hair etc, she just looks so naturally good.

Then the kids, minus a few very minor moments which are normal with kids they did the flight without iPads, the girls were quiet, well behaved, tried new food without needing any encouragement, I felt like the boys were holding everyone back as after a few hours they were just over stimulated, getting really noisy, arguing with each other, being stand offish. Obviously we have consequences in time outs, being taken back to the hotel but it didn’t seem to make a difference.

His parents are trying to convince us all to go away with them skiing over new year and I just don’t want to anymore, I think I’ll feel awful about myself as a person and a mother.

AIBU to say no for this reason alone?

OP posts:

Pumpkinmagic · 12/09/2026 22:03

I think it’s perfectly okay to not do something that you know will make you feel like rubbish. At our age, you know your own mind. Be selfish, put yourself first, no one else will. However try not to compare as hard as it is, Im sure her girls aren’t always little angels and I bet your boys shine in other ways. Try and do something to boost your confidence, I bet you look great, sounds like you just need a pick me up, new hair style or a new make up routine, something to give you your spark. Your SIL will have issues you don’t know about and probably looks at you in envy about aspects of your life.

aLFIESMA · 12/09/2026 21:51

You are listening to your own internal voice OP and it's being very unkind. Every single time you hear it, repeat to yourself - "enough, I'm so done with all the negativity."
No one is as hard on ourselves as we are to ourselves.
And we don't deserve it!

FromaBubblegumTree · 12/09/2026 19:34

"In the summer DPs parents took us all on holiday and I came back feeling like crap, one because I was always physically comparing myself to her, I’m a healthy weight but don’t feel good in my body, I’m definitely feeling like I look a lot older now at 35, and especially compared to the way she just does nothing, very little make up, never dyed her hair etc, she just looks so naturally good"

So what?

Why are you "always physically comparing yourself to her"? She is 7 years younger than you. People can't really help their height.

You felt like crap because you chose to.

Choose not to and go and have a lovely holiday (or decline for a valid reason such as not liking skiing)

Ashmoleum · 12/09/2026 18:36

If you don't fancy a family holiday gig, don't do it. I don't blame you one bit, if you are not happy doing it, then don't. It is probably not the result of any arguments or tension, just your own lack of self esteem maybe. But whatever the reason, be true to yourself and decline the invite.

If your partner wants to go, let him go and take the kids, while you have an amazing time at home doing your own thing.

I suppose you have to come up with a reason for the PILs, so have a strategy for that, don't like skiing, don't like the cold, afraid to break a limb, whatever. But don't make it personal against any of the in laws. They are probably fine, it's your perception of yourself when with them is the problem. But that's OK. Do yourself a big favour and bail out of this one.

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