AIBU to avoid family holidays because I compare myself to my sister-in-law?

It's not unreasonable to be sad and it's nearly impossible not to compare. I would just say though, please do consider working on not comparing. I can't advise how but people do have epiphanies - see her as a role model or motivation, rather than being envious.

Remember she will have issues, everyone does, you just don't know about them.

And I would work on behaviour with your sons. Do activities with them and get them used to conversing instead of needing ipads. More family time like board games and so on.

Would be such a shame to lose out on family holidays - and especially for your kids to miss out on memories and opportunities to build bonds with their cousins, just because of your current low self-esteem. You can work on this.

YABU: You would like to deprive your partner and children of a skiing holiday with family because of your jealousy and inferiority complex? Grow up!

My ex had two perfect sisters just like the ones you describe. I never felt good enough around them, but it was definitely a 'me' problem. You have to stop being so hard on yourself. She is younger than you so of course she's going to look it! And girls are definitely easier to manage than boys at that age. Anything could happen to make your SIL age suddenly, but I bet that wouldn't make you feel good would it? The only person judging you is yourself, be kind to yourself!

A skiing trip is sp expensive if they are offering to pay you’d be nuts not to go, SIL or not! I bet your boys would love it.

This is about you and how you feel, not about her. Do you like her company or not? Thats the consideration here!
My sister in law is taller, skinnier and earns more than me too. She got two healthy kids, I struggled to fall pregnant with one. I love sitting by the pool having a drink with her on holiday, because I'm ok with who I am. What could you do to make yourself feel better about you?

Not a family holiday, no

Op that sounds so hard. I used to compare myself to sil- it was almost comedic that everything I’ve ever chased in my life and failed at she is AMAZING at- lifeguard (I have been having lessons for years and still at the same stage!), incredible cook and baker and used to make bread while holding her baby(!), teaches the languages I could never get a handle on, amazing at music, fit - and then I remember her saying how tough life is for women. How absolutely shit that you can never stop moving etc etc and I just really told myself to stop. To just think wow she’s amazing she can do all that. I don’t think you should go op, but just have a good excuse and then after that try to get to know her better so she can get down off the pedestal and ye can be friends x

Not really? Have you never done stuff with your kids and parents without your partner? We do stuff like that all the time, sometimes I have to work during half term so dh takes the kids to see his parents. I think that's pretty normal. He intends to take dd skiing without me next year, why would he be pissed off to do that? He gets to ski, and I get to not ski (it's not for me). No one is pissed off

Don't miss out on family time, which everyone could enjoy, and the kids could bond closely (ok, many families aren't close, but some are, and it would be amazing to give your children that extra chance at avoiding loneliness), just because of your insecurities. Your kids don't care who is taller, or who looks younger. Your parents/in-laws want to know you, a nice person and care about your character, not whether you're a supermodel.
Looks will fade, anyway. Being a good, close member of the family can last forever,

Wouldn’t you be pretty pissed off if your partner refused to go on a family holiday?!

I assumed the dad and boys would go without op, nothing wrong with that?

Why would they have to miss out? The OP and husband can take them skiing.

Quite suddenly, your parents in law may not be skiing again.
There is an illness, an injury and when recovered they aren't quite back to where they were before.

If your in laws were rude and disrespectful to you, I would say "don't go". But it sounds like they are nice people and that the problems are all in your head. You can take control of that voice - it's not easy but you can.

Don't pass up opportunities to do things together because of the voice in your head. The opportunities may not be endless.

Just do your own holidays with your family. No need to go with the ILs. That’s always going to cause a bit of tension surely.

It would be a real
shame for your children to miss out on the opportunity to learn to ski and spend time with their family just because of your insecurities.

You either need to address the way you feel or suck it up. Your dc would manage the flight without iPads if they weren’t given iPads.

They have to miss out because you are insecure and jealous? Sure it is up to you i guess

Yes and I'd add that there will always be couples who are richer than you. It's taken me years and years to come to terms with this.

Take the time to work on things you can control, and try to forget about stuff you can't control.

You mention she's married and you aren't - is that something you want to change? Because that is much more in your control than your age etc.

Your kids are significantly older than hers and every kid is going through a phase at any one time. Don't compare them, it's apples and oranges.

Are you in a position to look at buying rather than renting? Is there scope to increase your income to aim for that? Again, this is potentially more in your control than your weight.

Draw up a (mental) list of things you envy about her life and cross out things that are trivial or out of your control. Then tick off things you can aim towards.

Eg:
She's married, you aren't - discuss marriage with your partner
She has daughters, you have sons - dismiss idea from your mind
She is 28, you are 35 - so what, dismissed!
She is apparently slimmer than you - unimportant! Cross it out

Etc

I’ve been where you are and I think there is something else going on and you’re focusing on your SIL as the cause but she likely isn’t. I
she’s just getting on with her life.

you are likely not happy in yours- she’s a goood diversion particularly as you don’t have to address this trigger very often. Time to look at what you want from your own life?

took me a decade btw 😂

You have two (I assume healthy as you haven’t mentioned otherwise) children, a partner, you’re a healthy weight and have in laws who take you on holiday. There are probably people who are envious of you

If you don't want to go, don't go - life is too short to be forcing yourself to do things that make you miserable. As for everyone who's telling you to 'work on yourself' and your self esteem - if that was so easy, of course you would do it, and I'm sure you will when you have time and resources. But in the meantime it's absolutely fine to protect yourself from feeling bad. You're human.

What a shame for DH and DC to miss out on family time because you’re worried about yourself…

Comparison is the thief of joy - it's easy for other people to say that but much harder to ignore the voice in your head. Some people are blessed genetics and some people, not so much! Work on the parts of yourself that you feel could do with improving but be realistic, you are never going to look like your SIL and I'm pretty sure your husband would be freaked out if you did!

There will always be people who are younger, thinner, fitter, better looking, more confident.
There will always be parents with better behaved kids.
Same way as there will always be people older, uglier, less physically capable and parents with kids who behave like the spawn of the devil.
You can't go through life avoiding the first lot of people, and to the second lot...YOU are the first lot...iyswim 😅

Comparisons are pointless, and here you seem to be the only one making them.

At 35 you need to work on your self esteem. And then go and enjoy the holiday!

I have one girl and one boy. The girl has been a breeze to raise so far (she’s 10 so no hormones yet!) But the boy child. Oh. My. God! He’s 7 and so much more challenging in every way. I thought I was such a brilliant parent until I had a boy! 😆 Threw away my judgy pants and popped on a life raft!

Your kids, your life, your family life sounds completely normal. Your boys sound like perfectly normal energetic boys. All I can say (from personal experience) there is a window of opportunity to make family memories, parents lose their health, kids lose grandparents...you have in-laws who want to give you holidays and create memories, grab it with both hands especially for your kids and DH's sake.

Your feelings are completely valid, many many of us would feel the same, envy and insecurity is an awful emotion to get a handle on. Please try to though for your own well being and for your family.