Affairs

All men will have affairs. If a man hasn't had an affair, it will be because no woman wants anything to do with him. It's just the way that they are. So either come to terms with that and act accordingly or look into forming meaningful relationships with other women. You will be much happier that way.

I didn't know them personally

Ah sorry, I thought you said you didn’t know anyone who’d had an affair.

No they don't necessarily have affairs with people from here.
One man got caught out over 200 miles away because somebody from here saw him.

this reply was for @UnctuousUnicorns - no wonder it looked lost

I only know two people who've had affairs. One had an affair with a friend of his wife for 7 years before his wife found out. Amazingly she forgave him.and took him back.

The other person is my (single) friend who's been having an affair with a married man for over 20 years.

Im not aware of any of my other friends having affairs, so I would query the 50% figure

IME, ALL people who have affairs excuse themselves with a victim narrative. It’s the only way to deal with the cognitive dissonance.

I know more women than men who have had affairs. The men I know who have had affairs didn't leave their wives for the OW by choice the wife booted them out.
MN tends to be very forgiving of women who have affairs.

That’s never stopped anyone. Certainly didn’t stop my mum, just made the fall out for her family more excruciating.

Men & women are equally likely to be unfaithful, I think, but women are more likely to excuse themselves with a victim narrative.

In our large circle of friends, not one of the women has had an affair (that they’d admit to). 3 of the men have. For one it was a fling and his wife forgave him and they are very happy. The other 2 both left their marriages for the OW. They both subsequently married the affair partner and are extremely happy now.

Could I have suspected them? No. Apart from maybe one of them and he’s a police officer, so the odds of divorce are much higher.

Absolutely, selfishness is definitely high risk behaviour too.

The maths doesn't math....the woman doesn't necessarily need to be in a relationship.

I see what you did there! lol

Only time I’ve thought someone would cheat it was a woman dating my friend. She was snogging a rando at a party within months of the wedding, husband forgave her. A year later they had a baby and she started an affair with a colleague, husband again forgave her, year later she did it again with someone else (his wife told her husband), they finally split up and she had a series of other affairs with married men. The husband is very happy with a fantastic woman and more children, his ex is a mess.

I don’t have a clue why she married him in the first place, he was smitten with her while his family and all of his friends thought he was making a terrible mistake.

I know far more women who have had affairs than men.

I also know women who have been cheated on, and who have then gone on to sleep with a married man.

This is a good list.
I would add ‘selfish’ to it.
if you show your hand as being selfish (at something completely different) at the beginning of a relationship you are outing yourself as someone who will put their own wants above all else. And thus, affair down the line.

IME more women have affairs than men.

Also men who have affairs tend to have affairs with single women, and single men don’t generally get involved with married women.

Whereas women don’t seem to care whether a man is married or not if she’s going to have an elicit relationship with him.

The difference is that most women don’t tend to admit they’re having an affair because they do seem to care what people think, whereas men will openly admit to cheating a lot of the time.

We assume women are less likely to cheat, they’re just more discrete about it.

My exh left me for his affair partner and it absolutely blindsided me and everyone else. He was very much the "good guy". Hid his other side well.

There is literally nothing a married man could ever say to me to “manipulate” me into an affair. Over the course of my life, I’ve been propositioned by a lot of married men and I have never been flattered by it. On the contrary, I’m fucking offended! Why do they think I want to climb into bed with an outright liar who is literally demonstrating he can’t keep his promises? I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.
I loathe infidelity, it is one of the most brutal, destructive things you can legally do to another person. And a person you claim to love no less! It baffles me.
But yes, I think a lot more people, both men and women, do it than most would be comfortable to admit.

It's really easy to identify habits and behaviours in people that make them high risk in terms of being capable of cheating:

• They have usually cheated before on previous partners
• They jump from relationship to relationship without much, or any, "being single" between them
• If they manage to be single in-between relationships, they fill the "void" with one night stands and casual sex
• They usually have serious vices like drinking a lot, doing drugs or smoking weed, gambling, watching porn, mental health problems, etc.
• They lack depth. Just pay attention to the topics they talk about...
• They are usually quite or very self-centered, and have a short attention span if a conversation is not about them
• They have questionable friends
• They use social media and follow a lot of people of the opposite sex - usually people who show off their body in some way
• They are good at talking and promising things, but their actions don't reflect their words - so you end up confused about their intentions. Frankly, if a person's intentions aren't crystal clear, they are a red flag you should run away from
• They are quite sex obsessed, and obsessed with the opposite sex
• They gaslight you all the time, never apologise when they make mistakes but give you explanations instead, and if they are called out on what they do wrong they become defensive - make YOU out to be the problem
• They often blow hot and cold
• They have given you a reason to doubt them...

People can have affairs with someone who doesn’t live in their own small town/village though. Surely they don’t all work/socialise etc in the same small place?
We live in a place where everyone knows everyone, but people work all over.

😂😂

I think many many men are only as faithful as their opportunities.

so there’s many men that would if the opportunity presented itself, however they’re very often not very appealing, so no woman is interested.

since I became single I was fairly horrified that 2 of the married men in my circle of 12 friends (6 couples) came on to me.

also the number of men on online dating who have ‘married so looking for discreet fun’ is shocking

Eh? It takes two people to have sex which is where you’ve got confused. But Both people don’t have to be having an affair. Only one of them. The other one could be single. So eg five different married men could have an affair with only one (the same one) single woman.