Page 2 | Affairs

NotMajorTom · 13/09/2026 15:12

Sheerluxee · 12/09/2026 16:19

men often lie and manipulate to women they’re having affairs with, that’s the difference @moonraker0

I think the rose tinted specs need to come off

women have affairs too, for the same reasons as men. They lie and cheat too.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 13/09/2026 15:10

Mountainpika · 13/09/2026 12:40

Neither of us has ever had or would ever have an affair. We've had and still have busy lives - no time for anyone else! (Married 52 years)

How do you know your husband has not had an affair? You know he hasn’t been caught but it’s rather naive to be so sure.

DriedPetals · 13/09/2026 15:08

Based on the people I know who’ve had affairs, there’s no ‘affair personality’ type.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 13/09/2026 15:08

Dracolina · 12/09/2026 19:25

It's really easy to identify habits and behaviours in people that make them high risk in terms of being capable of cheating:

They have usually cheated before on previous partners
They jump from relationship to relationship without much, or any, "being single" between them
If they manage to be single in-between relationships, they fill the "void" with one night stands and casual sex
They usually have serious vices like drinking a lot, doing drugs or smoking weed, gambling, watching porn, mental health problems, etc.
They lack depth. Just pay attention to the topics they talk about...
They are usually quite or very self-centered, and have a short attention span if a conversation is not about them
They have questionable friends
They use social media and follow a lot of people of the opposite sex - usually people who show off their body in some way
They are good at talking and promising things, but their actions don't reflect their words - so you end up confused about their intentions. Frankly, if a person's intentions aren't crystal clear, they are a red flag you should run away from
They are quite sex obsessed, and obsessed with the opposite sex
They gaslight you all the time, never apologise when they make mistakes but give you explanations instead, and if they are called out on what they do wrong they become defensive - make YOU out to be the problem
They often blow hot and cold
They have given you a reason to doubt them...

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That would be the whole population in one way or another then.

Original poster

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 15:04

DailyPlanner · 13/09/2026 14:39

So, in your world, women are mindless, silly idiots with no free will, while men are brainless, sex-obsessed animals?

What a lovely world you live in. 😂Dare I ask in which category you see yourself?

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Are you ok? I never said any of this

OP posts:

DailyPlanner · 13/09/2026 14:39

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 10:26

I reckon all would additional sex on the side if they could get away with it

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So, in your world, women are mindless, silly idiots with no free will, while men are brainless, sex-obsessed animals?

What a lovely world you live in. 😂Dare I ask in which category you see yourself?

Mountainpika · 13/09/2026 12:40

Neither of us has ever had or would ever have an affair. We've had and still have busy lives - no time for anyone else! (Married 52 years)

Cheese55 · 13/09/2026 12:34

moonraker0 · 12/09/2026 16:14

I’d say if half of men have affairs then the same must be said of women because it takes two to have an affair. I know the default opinion on MN is that men are worse for doing it which is something I’ve never understood given that they need a woman to participate.

The women can be single so not married

sweatybettytoday · 13/09/2026 12:32

Only one of my friends has had any affairs in their relationships (that I know of) and it was the woman that cheated

weeat · 13/09/2026 11:56

It’s not always men who instigate, one woman I know told me she had someone ‘in mind’ before targeting him and getting what she wanted. An astonishing amount of selfishness is what swings it, male or female.

Aydel · 13/09/2026 11:07

RaraRachael · 12/09/2026 16:22

I've never known anybody who's had an affair IRL. But I live in a place where everybody knows everybody so I don't think you'd get away with it.

I used to live in a village. Everyone there was shagging each other or had shagged each other. There were often fights at the school gate of the “Leave my man alone you scrubber” variety.

My kids also went to an international school overseas, where two of the Mums got together. It ended both marriages, but the relationship didn’t last, although they are still good friends.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 13/09/2026 10:59

I was married with children and had an affair. My affair partner was also married with children. We divorced our spouses and have been together 18 years.

LadyLooo · 13/09/2026 10:54

Sheerluxee · 12/09/2026 19:15

I’ve read too many accounts on mumsnet to know men are good at manipulation rather than women being easy to manipulate!!

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Unless you spend an equivalent amount of time on a very male dominated chat forum, then of course you'll read 'too many accounts' from women.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/09/2026 10:52

I think if any woman is ever single in her 30s/40s/50s, it is only then that she will discover first hand the huge percentage of married men who would be up for it. They do tend to leave women in relationships alone, as it would be a lot of effort wasted often, so it’s understandable that if you are long term married as a woman, you would be oblivious and naive as to the sheer extent of it.

Mapletreelane · 13/09/2026 10:50

A couple I have known since i was 18, we were so close, he had an affair and the marriage broke up. Was absolutely blindsided I would never ever have had him down like that.I thought he loved her so much and how well he treated her. It wasn't even a one night stand was a full on affair. Looking back the signs were probably there as he was away so much with work. Was so blindsided thought never in a million years did I have home down as a cheater.

Dovesono · 13/09/2026 10:43

moonraker0 · 12/09/2026 16:14

I’d say if half of men have affairs then the same must be said of women because it takes two to have an affair. I know the default opinion on MN is that men are worse for doing it which is something I’ve never understood given that they need a woman to participate.

That presupposes various things that aren't necessarily true.

HollyMcDolly · 13/09/2026 10:37

Approx half the men I work with have had ons or brief affairs, some admit to paying escorts/dancers or meeting a young get women through work/working away but the only people I know well engaging in long term affairs are 3 women all of them I have known for many years, one has been having an affair for 12 years. I’m not sure that makes the men any worse

Original poster

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 10:26

SALaw · 13/09/2026 07:43

You think over half of all men have affairs?!?

I reckon all would additional sex on the side if they could get away with it

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Banoffeepie29 · 13/09/2026 07:44

Sheerluxee · 12/09/2026 15:57

Has anyone been able to predict if any of their relatives or friends’ DH,l would have an affair?

Do most men, let’s say over half, have affairs do you think?

As many women have affairs as men, women aren't perfect. I'd guess it was the same amount for both.

SALaw · 13/09/2026 07:43

You think over half of all men have affairs?!?

Usernamechange1234 · 13/09/2026 07:13

Sheerluxee · 12/09/2026 16:19

men often lie and manipulate to women they’re having affairs with, that’s the difference @moonraker0

Absolute nonsense. My ex had an affair and I was sadly privy to the early text messages. It was ALL her for a long while, texting him later and later, slowly but surely adding in the sexual comments, he was batting it off for a while. Didn’t stay just her obviously. But certainly 100% started with her.

fuckeditupbadly · 13/09/2026 07:04

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 12/09/2026 19:45

IME, ALL people who have affairs excuse themselves with a victim narrative. It’s the only way to deal with the cognitive dissonance.

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I agree with this. It gets trotted out all the time 'I've been unhappy for ages, spouse doesn't understand me / has changed / is no fun'. And somehow people seem to fall for it.

Wonderlandpeony · 12/09/2026 21:36

My doctor who is married flirted with me, and actually made an attempt to contact me outside of his workplace. I was quite flattered as he's good looking and has a lot of charisma, but I also couldn't believe he would put his career and livelihood at risk like that. Thankfully my friend bought me back down to earth by telling me that he must be having a mid life crisis and was only after sex.

Now a year later I just feel sorry for his wife and go out of my way to avoid him, which included changing my doctors surgery.

Didimum · 12/09/2026 21:20

DebbieSavage · 12/09/2026 21:11

All men will have affairs. If a man hasn't had an affair, it will be because no woman wants anything to do with him. It's just the way that they are. So either come to terms with that and act accordingly or look into forming meaningful relationships with other women. You will be much happier that way.

Oh dear … there’s always one.

Didimum · 12/09/2026 21:20

I wouldn’t say I’ve predicted it, but of the men I have known to have affairs in real life, I would say I haven’t been remotely surprised.