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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fed Up Woman

57 replies

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:29

DH is workaholic. Manual job Mon-Fr. And additional private work Sat (always) and Sunday (almost every). Think, plumber.
We had 1 property with small mortgage left, when 5 y ago we bought another property (with huge mortgage) to live and turned our first property into rental- which for 4y was very unsuccessful when my DH has let his distant family members rent it (against my wishes) and said family members did not pay rent. It took court proceedings to get them out in the end- by which time my DH was burrying his head in the sand and let me deal with the courts, as he didn’t know how to deal with the situation. All 4.5 years he was paying both mortgages. Rental only became profitable since April this year. In January both mortgages are coming to the end of cheap deal and will increase considerably.
And here comes my AIBU- I want us to sell the rental, pay off our mortgage (it will cover!) and live mortgage free with spare cash to save. We haven’t been to proper holiday for 5y, had to watch every penny and I am frankly fed up living my life like that! With the mortgages increased the rental will not cover the costs and we will be paying about £1.5k a months in mortgage payments additionally. I don’t see the point to keep the rental
property and live bellow acceptable level, where I have to make ends meet and think that I have to save for couple of months just to buy myself winter shoes!
Besides, our new house is not finished yet, there are some things we can not afford and will not be able to afford in the future.
I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think it would be better to divorce, get half of everything and leave him to it! As he thinks life is for working and earning as much money as he can.
Both properties in both names. He is paying both mortgages, I pay for food, clothes and all the bills in our home. I have no personal savings.
What would you suggest I do?

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 12/09/2026 11:10

Remind him of the assets he will lose in the event of marital breakdown. Everything seems to be very much his way. Does he understand that you are not just a housekeeper making his life easier? You actually have rights and opinions.

MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:11

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MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:13

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MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:14

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SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:14

fuw · 12/09/2026 11:00

I already work 24h pw. Can not up my hours anymore as I am single-handedly look after Dcs and home. DH is hardly ever home. He never cooks, cleans or shops for family.

Of course you can up your hours. What do you think single parents do? Preteen DCs should be pitching in with the house cleaning, be learning to cook dinner one night an week and be largely self sufficient.

Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 11:15

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Thank you! I thought I was going insane!

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:16

Bonkers1966 · 12/09/2026 11:10

Remind him of the assets he will lose in the event of marital breakdown. Everything seems to be very much his way. Does he understand that you are not just a housekeeper making his life easier? You actually have rights and opinions.

Threats of divorce is actually listed as a sign of domestic abuse so I would not do this as a calculated bluff to shut down conversation and get your way. I agree he seems very inflexible, but this isn’t the way to break a deadlock.

MaggieMop · 12/09/2026 11:18

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Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 11:20

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And then to comeback twice and repeat that it was in the Op. very odd

fuw · 12/09/2026 11:25

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No, this is not ‘one of those posts’. I have written the sentence about my DC and pt job, but then decided to erase it and put it at the end of my post- and forgotten to do so at the end. So, it was still in my head when I started replying back that it was in my OP. Sorry for the confusion. Totally my fault! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Prunesrlush · 12/09/2026 11:36

Either way

you want a holiday

so up your hours from 24. You have 2 pre teens - you can do it

LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 11:36

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:51

I have sat him down and tried to speak with him twice already. Both times he told me that ‘property is an asset’ and he is not prepared to ‘dispose of it’. I did tell him that his ‘asset’ will put us in the red permanently, but his argument was- he ‘worked hard to buy 2 houses and he is keeping them’. According to him, selling 1 property would be a step back. He wants to leave a house each for our 2 DCs. And I want to live and not struggle financially for the rest of my working life.

So leaving houses for both children means he's not overly interested in how happy your married life is then? In those circumstances I think I'd feel pretty much second best. And yes you obviously want different, tbh so would I. Unfortunately if you can't resolve it as a couple he won't be able to dispose of the marital assets exactly how he wishes if you divorce.

Keyleads · 12/09/2026 11:36

Divorce him.
Sounds like a shit marriage.
He does as he likes and you have no say.
Get copies of all paperwork together and put it somewhere safe.
It doesn't sound like he will change.
You living hand to mouth whilst he plays Billy big bollix giving rent free housing to his family, then leaves you to get them out is completely unforgivable.
Stop wasting you precious life with him.

DierdreDaphne · 12/09/2026 11:41

Bonkers1966 · 12/09/2026 11:10

Remind him of the assets he will lose in the event of marital breakdown. Everything seems to be very much his way. Does he understand that you are not just a housekeeper making his life easier? You actually have rights and opinions.

Yes.

JustHavinABreak · 12/09/2026 11:42

Keyleads · 12/09/2026 11:36

Divorce him.
Sounds like a shit marriage.
He does as he likes and you have no say.
Get copies of all paperwork together and put it somewhere safe.
It doesn't sound like he will change.
You living hand to mouth whilst he plays Billy big bollix giving rent free housing to his family, then leaves you to get them out is completely unforgivable.
Stop wasting you precious life with him.

Edited

It's hardly Billy Big Bollix if the DH is doing this to provide a future for his kids. He's not buying a flash car and paying country club membership.

The kids are old enough to be more self-sufficient so the OP needs to be adding more to the financial pot now.

And if they divorce then she'll definitely have to work more than 24 hours a week.

JustHavinABreak · 12/09/2026 11:48

DierdreDaphne · 12/09/2026 11:41

Yes.

And responsibilities. Why assume that the DH is ultimately responsible for being the provider?

There are two kids to be provided for by two adults, not two kids and a grown woman to be provided for by one man.

Sure, there's no need to go all out as he has by working 7 days when the OP has the role of housework too, 24 hours is hardly a fair contribution.

Pileofshoes · 12/09/2026 11:53

He is being unreasonable. I don’t know why people try to make their lives so hard. I dream of living mortgage free and would definitely push for that.

hewasflirtingwithbeverleymacca · 12/09/2026 11:59

The bit that has annoyed me is when you said that you had to deal with the court when you wanted his family out of your rental property. That he buried his head in the sand and that

hewasflirtingwithbeverleymacca · 12/09/2026 12:08

Just noticed my post is half missing. Sorry!
was meant to say that he easily could have dealt with the courts regarding evicting his family, surely you appoint a solicitor first and take it from there? He couldn’t be bothered with it. His mess, but you had to clean it up. I don’t know what it is with some men (not all) but some, that expect their wives to deal with the crap of THEIR family! They need to man up and take responsibility!!! Like the poster from the other day who was upset she was not mentioned at her MIL’s funeral but cared for her in her final days. A lovely thing to do but why the fuck didn’t her husband step up and help care for his own mother? Unbelievable!!! Sorry OP I’ve no advice but to hope you get things sorted. And I hope you have nothing to do with that side of his family again!

fuw · 12/09/2026 12:08

JustHavinABreak · 12/09/2026 11:48

And responsibilities. Why assume that the DH is ultimately responsible for being the provider?

There are two kids to be provided for by two adults, not two kids and a grown woman to be provided for by one man.

Sure, there's no need to go all out as he has by working 7 days when the OP has the role of housework too, 24 hours is hardly a fair contribution.

I am not saying that DH has to be a provider and I can have an easy life. All I am saying that DH is working 7days a week, I do everything at home, even to pay his parking fines is my job, presents for his family, everything to do with kids - I doubt he knows what year either of DCs are, never been to a parents’ meeting- as he is always working!
My AIBU was to ask him to agree to sell rented property, pay off our mortgage and for him to work MON-Fr only, forget all the private work on w/ends - and have a life. With kids, with me, with wider family.

OP posts:
LilyBunch25 · 12/09/2026 12:08

JustHavinABreak · 12/09/2026 11:42

It's hardly Billy Big Bollix if the DH is doing this to provide a future for his kids. He's not buying a flash car and paying country club membership.

The kids are old enough to be more self-sufficient so the OP needs to be adding more to the financial pot now.

And if they divorce then she'll definitely have to work more than 24 hours a week.

Maybe so. But it sounds to me like everyone else comes before OP. Where's the balance between providing for the kids and actually caring about a decent life with his wife while they're both actually still alive?

Milliegum · 12/09/2026 15:33

If you do split…. You still probably have to do all that you do plus work full time.

I don’t understand why if you want to go on holiday, you don’t increase your very modest hours

Gallowayan · 12/09/2026 16:00

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:53

It says in my OP: 2 preteens DCs. And I work part time.

No it does not read your OP

DeftGoldHedgehog · 12/09/2026 16:05

SummerFeverVenice · 12/09/2026 11:14

Of course you can up your hours. What do you think single parents do? Preteen DCs should be pitching in with the house cleaning, be learning to cook dinner one night an week and be largely self sufficient.

Hahahaha right.

Dead easy. Just like that.

You'd be better off divorcing and getting half of everything, OP.

Millytante · 12/09/2026 16:54

fuw · 12/09/2026 10:43

Yes and yes. It’s in my original post :)

??