Lending things to neighbours

They must think they're running some sort of American HOA nonsense.

I wouldn't have taken kindly to being given a list of "expectations" from strangers when I moved in. Tell them to F off.

I’d have sold up before they finished outlining their expectations.

Tell them you can't lend it because you're using it to make a UK version of "The Straight Story".

It’s a difficult dilemma at the same time as not being a difficult dilemma! Why should you spend thousands on something that they then get use of for free? Why should you fund a community vehicle for anyone to use whenever they like and continue to foot the bill when it needs parts and fuel and servicing…
But then I get the risk of being alienated or losing out on the nice things that they do help with, or falling out with them. Or not feeling like you can ask them next time you need a favour.

Having neighbours you don’t get on with can severely impact your life and it’s unfair that you’re now under unfair pressure to keep the peace when lending them such a valuable resource goes far beyond the responsibility and scope of taking in a parcel or borrowing a set of spanners.

I know I’ve not really helped you with your query, but I hope it helps to reaffirm that you’re not being unreasonable. But I empathise with what might be at stake.

I think the way you’ve explained it was very well put. I did like the idea someone else shared about offering your husband to mow their lawns at the going rate to cover the cost of fuel and wear and tear would be a nice workaround, but as long as that feels like a nice way to chip in and be neighbourly and do your bit without it feeling like he’s now the on-call community gardener !

“When we moved in, some of the neighbours spoke to us about expectations of living there.”

I was open-mouthed at this bit before I even got to the stuff about the mower. Who do these cfs think they are?? It’s time to draw clear boundaries and say no. As always with cfs, if you give an inch, they take a mile.

Oh tell them to f*%k off! I mean from the start laying down the law of what their expectations are from their neighbours. Did they consider you could have expectations from your neighbours?! Like not to be so cheeky and rude, and not for them to act like children and in essence play two parents off against each other. Honestly, they’ve walked all over you!

loaning neighbours things is very neighbourly and I don’t object to that think it’s nice but they need to accept that their will be times where you are allowed to say no and they are to accept that. One important life lesson I have brought my kids to understand and live by from a young age, ‘ you can ask me anything you want BUT you have to be prepared to accept the answer given.’ No harm in them asking but to not accept your husbands answer that is not ok. Dig deep stop making excuses to tell them and to try smooth it over. The answer is no, it’s very expensive and if it was to break it’s not fair to put that sort of responsibility on your neighbours simple.

Not quite the same situation, but when my Dad died in 1988, within a couple of days his neighbour asked me if he could have Dad's lawnmower. (just a simple electric one) He didn't get it.

“Actually Dave, that sounds great. We were thinking about going down to one car, and that sounds like a fair deal to me—we can use your car when Steve and I both need to be out at the same time, and you can use our ride-on mower. Let me know when I can pop round with my drivers license, so you can get me on your insurance.”

I think they're being incredibly cheeky even if the neighbourhood does 'help each other out'.

If it was a one off 'my gardeners on holiday and due to the rain the weather my garden has suddenly gone wild', that's a favour. A 'can i continually save me hundreds / thousands of pounds while I benefit from stuff you've bought without compensating you for it' that's not ok.

Say what now? They didn't take no for an answer from your DH but rather did some more wheedling on you? How rude and ignorant!

A neighbour of mine had a chainshaw and another neighbour asked to borrow it. The chainsaw owner replied "Will you be letting me borrow your wife?" which, if suspiciously misogynistic did make the boundary clear.

YANBU asking to borrow a ride on mower not like asking for a cup of sugar. What a ridiculous request!

The cheeky bastards!! You don't owe them anything, it all sounds unbearable to me. As someone has said you're the newcomer and things change.

No is a complete sentence.

And, yeah, may be worth asking why no one has bought one before...

Its absolutely ridiculous to ask you to lend your BRAND NEW ride on mower
Just say NO
An expensive item requiring fuel and servicing
I also live on a housing estate with entitled people
I use a gardener for large gardening jobs like pollarding trees etc
I stopped lending people thing when they were returned broken
We lent a hedge trimmer to a tight arse neighbour who needs to pay for a gardener
It was returned with a broken charger that I had to pay to replace
People are utterly ridiculous I was cutting some hedge recently and had a wealthy neighbour ask me to cut his hedge
Pay the gardener was my response

Its frustrating but be firm with your boundaries

When we moved in, some of the neighbours spoke to us about expectations of living there
Wow, I would have made my excuses to leave the conversation at that point Im afraid! You know they are going to be problematic by that point.

They asked my husband and he said no so then spoke to me about it after that.
You did right by saying no otherwise you would always be the link to them, like kids asking mum after dad has said no. If they ask in future for anything else always ask them if they have already asked your dh.

Cheeky feckers. Ask if you can borrow their car to save you money on running your own.

I would suggest anything that requires maintenance / has associated runnings costs / depreciates significantly with use (i.e. there is an ongoing cost of use) is not to be expected to be shared.

Would these neighbours lend you a big ticket item? Ask if you can borrow their car...

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1. Do they ever reciprocate and help you back?
2. The amount of favours these people ask for, and the extent of them (giving lifts to the airport?! Petsitting?! Those are services everyone else PAY for), is insane. When they ask for so much, so often it goes beyond "helping a neighbour" - this is called a paid maid or butler. Emphasis on the word PAID.
3. The neighbour who said "we all help each other out here" - I would have responded with, "none of you have ever helped us, though, so why exactly are you expecting us to help you? We'll gladly help out if we also get some help in return. Otherwise, this feels an awful like entitlement to our time and labour with nothing in it for us".

I would set some clear boundaries, and stop doing favours to anyone who never offers to help me.

Absolutely do not lend it or anything else for that matter! It is expensive they could crash it, break it and would they contribute to the maintenance costs (blade change, oil, fuel etc.) they are simply just rude to ask! If your husband wants additional income in could offer for a charge to cut their grass for them but again this may need insurance and open another can of worms but simply NO!

stick to parcels and bins if it is convenient to you

I like @LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand idea.

If it came up again I might be inclined to ask why no one had bought one before as it seems they are quite keen to use one.

From experience I learned to tell anyone who asks to borrow something that I no longer do that for anyone. It’s not personal it’s just that promises to take care of things and return them promptly have been broken more often than not.

I’d say go with the insurance reason. It is only insured to be used on your land. It’s a machine that could damage property/injure or kill living things if used incorrectly, or if it malfunctioned, and your insurance says you cannot be liable for that. Suppose the brakes went, it careered into neighbour no 3’s car and neighbour no 2 (to whom you’d loaned it) fell off and broke their hip and then ran over neighbour no 4’s cute little puppy. Who would they come to? You.
Highly unlikely but that’s the scenario the insurance won’t underwrite.

You ought to have nipped this all in the bud at the start by telling them to fuck off.

Its your house and you are not obligated to do things for other neighbours.

Asking for the ride on mower is like handing them your car. Cheeky and entitled as hell.

You need to establish better boundaries I think.