AIBU to think sperm donors should consent before each embryo is used?

It's my normal. I'm curious, so i've signed up to 23 and me, which has told me my genetic ethnic background, but no close matches on my family tree. I accept the possibility/probability of never knowing as a very generous gift given to my parents. I am grateful to them. They gave me life, they don't owe me anything else.

But they know that when they consent.

But when they consent they know the validity of it lasts until the sperm is gone?

I've done a full 180 on fertility treatment over the years.

I think everything has gone too far.

I think all intervention should be limited to the couple's own body.

Whether you're single, same sex couple, hetrosexual couple who can't concieve without donor sterm etc, then you can't have children.

I know infertility is hard. I know the desire to have children but we have to stop commodising babies.

If you can't have children without domeone else's eyes or sperm, you just have to accept it.

We've gone to far.

I read this article and the whole situation felt wrong. I don’t think anything about the commercial process of creating/buying children is right. It’s not giving any thought to the rights of the children, and is part of the same continuum as surrogacy. Some people can’t have children, whether through health, relationship status or otherwise and really there are enough people on the planet as it is.

One of the women said she saw her partner go through pregnancy and wanted to experience it herself, it’s inherently selfish all about her own ‘experience’. They knew the law when they signed up, if they don’t agree with it they didn’t have to create the embryos in the first place.

There’s a difference between a man actively later removing consent or opting out vs checking ‘is it still ok?’

But I think if he’s given consent knowing full well what the purpose of donating sperm is going to be used for (!) that withdrawal of consent if it’s already been used would need to be a very valid reason (ie: he’s since been diagnosed with a condition which is hereditary)

This! 👆 well said

I agree with you, egg donation has a dark exploitative side to it.

https://www.humanrightsresearch.org/post/trapped-in-the-surrogacy-boom-thai-women-rescued-from-human-egg-farms-in-georgia

Even in the UK, where IVF is regulated, clinics run egg sharing schemes where couples can get cheaper IVF in return for donating eggs.

Or someone else’s womb.

I think I land on the donor actively consenting prior to fertilisation, that consent applying for a period of say 3 or so years during which it can't be withdrawn, which allows for a baby and a sibling, and then permitting withdrawal of consent by the donor for future use, in recognition of the fact their life circumstances may have changed.

If the man gets paid when he donates, any change of mind he needs to pay that money back. As well a an additional fee for wasting resources and everyone's time.

Might really sharpen the mind of a donor to actually think about it, before he thinks it's just an easy way for a quick buck and he can always refuse down the line - once he's got his money of course.

It’s should be his choice 1000%%% but what a waste of money and time my god.

very annoying guy.

This

Agree completely OP. The attitude of entitlement that people now feel about “deserving” a baby is awful.

Of course the donor needs to consent every time - it’s your future genetic child out there in the world, being raised by strangers. And for young women, egg “donation” is far more invasive. You should be asked each time if you still consent.

No it’s very different

her body unlike the sperm donor will have to go through severe pain, discomfort, health issues, extremely painful medical procedure with risks to long term health and even life.

people also abort because the difficulties of raising a child. Not being able to afford etc (Especially people who go through fertility/trying for a baby, usually the difficulty is severe)

the sperm donor will face no such difficulty.

Also unlike couple aborting which is their private business, this guy entered a business, signed a contract, gave consent to other people and then wasted everyone’s time and money.

imo this is more like couple who split up and have frozen embryos and one doesn’t want them to be born. (but then again, they’ll be forced to pay child support which the sperm donor won’t)

he should absolutely have a right to withdraw of course but it’s absolutely not the same

As a couple of people have already mentioned, these rules are uniform for anyone with or without a donor. Couples can (and do) split and consent is withdrawn by one party. If one person dies, embryos are destroyed unless both consented pre-treatment, to allow them to be retained. Why would it be different for sperm donors? as someone else said, it’s an inherent risk of the process, as it is for any couple who embark on this route.

It's typical of a patriarchal society that men still control women's bodies to the extent where they make laws to stop them from getting pregnant, and ending pregnancies
It's exactly the opposite. Women have the choice not to become a mother even after pregnancy for 5 months. Men have lost that right for any choice the moment he ejaculates.

You now think that women should have the right to demand a pregnancy against the man' choice?.

That's not patriarchal, that's women controlling the process of reproduction all the way. Why should women be able to pick and choose to have a child against the genitor's view that will likely result in him paying many 10 of thousands of pounds over the next 20 years but women should be able to demand a pregnancy because they've spent a few hundreds.

It's madness how feminism has turned to complete sexism for some women.

People have to realise before donating sperm or egg that will be a whole human being. I feel like a lot don’t take it serious. It’s kind of like giving child up for adoption.

YABU, just as a man loses any right to a say on a baby’s conception once he has had unprotected sex, so should he lose any rights on the conception once he has donated sperm.

I feel the same.

Strongly disagree.

a man loses his right because it’s inside a woman’s body which makes it her decision.

the sperm donor would and should have no right if it was inside the woman either.

this embryo is outside.

when a couple splits and there’s frozen embryos during ivf one of them can’t and shouldn’t implant against the other one’s permission

I agree
we have 3 young-ish lads in our office (in their 20’s/early 30’s) and they were discussing this and saying that they wouldn’t do this even if they got a tonne of money because their situations are as they are now but in 18 years time they could be settled with partners and children and the potential upset this could cause people is huge.
I can imagine there will now be a huge decline in donations.

Realistically I think home DNA testing would've led to that happening, whatever the law said.

It's not something I think I'd ever do if I were a bloke either, and would have concerns about any male loved one of mine who thought they could do it even quasi-anonymously. Not in the 21st century.