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AIBU?

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Have you ever dated a 'gangster/bad boy' - what was it like?

128 replies

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 03:00

And when (or did you ever) did you come to your senses?

OP posts:
Minniliscious · 12/09/2026 08:52

I dated a bad boy when I was 17 - he was 22. Pure gentlemen towards me, always brought me flowers and made sure that I got home okay after a date.

It all ended when he went to prison and got a 15 year sentence - for ram raiding an ATM machine with a few others 🙈 He rang me from his majesty’s pleasure a few times but luckily it fizzled out.

Pigeon878 · 12/09/2026 08:59

I married one. Guess I still didn’t come to my senses.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:05

SomethingNewish · 12/09/2026 05:12

Why are you asking OP?

I was 3/4 of a bottle of wine deep, and had stumbled onto gangster tiktok 😩

Kerry Washington Eye Roll GIF by The Paley Center for Media
OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:06

Pigeon878 · 12/09/2026 08:59

I married one. Guess I still didn’t come to my senses.

Still married? Any regrets? X

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:07

Minniliscious · 12/09/2026 08:52

I dated a bad boy when I was 17 - he was 22. Pure gentlemen towards me, always brought me flowers and made sure that I got home okay after a date.

It all ended when he went to prison and got a 15 year sentence - for ram raiding an ATM machine with a few others 🙈 He rang me from his majesty’s pleasure a few times but luckily it fizzled out.

Oh no 😩

Is he out now? Did he change his life?

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:10

BibbityBoppityTwo · 12/09/2026 03:08

Did it constantly through my teens and twenties. My friends would joke that they could take me to parties where I knew no one and I would manage to immediately home in on the most fucked up guy there.

As for how it was, it was always a wild ride. Never a dull moment. But after a while the endless drama does become a bit dull.

You grow out of it when you finally get exhausted by the chaos and bullshit and decide you want some peace in your life. What it takes to hit that point is different for everyone.

Edited

What it takes to hit that point is different for everyone.

So true across all of life

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:11

ChristophersRobins · 12/09/2026 05:09

He nearly killed me twice. Not a great idea.

Sorry to hear this @ChristophersRobins

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:15

CharityShopMensGlasses · 12/09/2026 05:15

Briefly..
...he tried to manipulate me into paying off his cocaine debts..
He loved to watch thst series 50cent made about drug gangs..
I didnt realise his life had echoes of that until I got to know him better.
Its not a good idea, everything is a commodity to be traded in those circles.
Though he did have the best voice Ive ever heard in my life.

👀 singing or talking voice?

Youre well shot of him, eww

Imo though, a bad boy can take care of himself. This guy is venturing into cocklodger territory 🤢

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:15

FastFood · 12/09/2026 05:22

Once in secondary school, maybe for a whole summer, probably less than that. The hot guy of the school, so dark so mysterious. And also so pathetic.
I was never attracted to bad boys, I just wanted the attention and the ego-boost but I quickly went back to my puppy-eyed love interests.

A man who yearns!

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:16

MyRarePanda · 12/09/2026 05:45

My DS did

Edited

Hows dc doing now? X

OP posts:
EmailsaysOOO · 12/09/2026 14:17

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:05

I was 3/4 of a bottle of wine deep, and had stumbled onto gangster tiktok 😩

Can I ask what you see in gangster tiktok ?

Sorry haven't got much to add here. also went out with a drugs user/ seller .Not really a bad boy as such but he was probably in with the criminal underworld back then Got away from him fairly easily..

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:17

Mydogisagentleman · 12/09/2026 05:48

Not only dated, co habited.
He bought our house with cash, bought me a sports car when I passed my test. Was k8nd and considerate and generous to a fault but boring.
I left when I found a gun pushed through the letterbox

Wait

He was boring but also lived a life where a gun was pushed through the letterbox?

I need more info because this is a bad boy I can kind of accept... 😬

OP posts:
FairAmberEagle · 12/09/2026 14:18

If you're looking for one then get yourself off to Piddington.

EmberFawn · 12/09/2026 14:19

Yes I thought it was exciting and for some stupid reason kept going back. He locked me in the house and went out with his mates when I wouldn't have sex with him, he drove his car at me and tried to run me over, I was in hospital after losing his baby and had had to have a procedure and wasn't allowed to leave the ward without someone with me and he was in the car park texting me to hurry up because he 'had places to be' and refused to come to the ward so the nurse had to walk me down, he bent my fingers back for texting my friend and the clicking noise made him mad. Everyone loved him, he was the funny one, the light and soul of the party but he was a horrible narcissist.
I defo lived by the term, treat them mean keep them keen until I realised I deserved better

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:21

EmailsaysOOO · 12/09/2026 14:17

Can I ask what you see in gangster tiktok ?

Sorry haven't got much to add here. also went out with a drugs user/ seller .Not really a bad boy as such but he was probably in with the criminal underworld back then Got away from him fairly easily..

It was really just prison wives, stories about the Kray twins, and from 'former eastend gangsters' telling us how they did things 😄🙈

Glad you got away - i once tried to get a gangster boyfriend as a kid, but didnt manage it, was too talkative (i'm sure you'll all think that tracks)

OP posts:
nameobsessed · 12/09/2026 14:23

Kind of, his family reminded me of something out of a Martina Cole novel when I met them but he was always the more ‘wholesome’ one. Now he is very much a normal husband and father, and the family has mellowed out somewhat.

He was a bad boy in the fact that he did drugs, liked women and wasn’t exactly raised with ‘normal’ (MC) values but he is and was always kind, respectful of women, nurturing and incredibly clever. He had just been exposed to too much at an early age.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 12/09/2026 14:24

I got a bunch of amazing gifts and holidays. He is in jail now. Funnily enough he was extremely sexually submissive and wanted to watch me have sex with other men which I found really gross. I think I got out of it alright though because I always refused to do anything that made me uncomfortable - sex wise and in terms of things like holding drugs for him. His other girlfriend wasn’t so lucky and I think she also got arrested when he went down.

KayFabe · 12/09/2026 14:30

I was addicted to drugs in my 20s and 30s, so came into contact with a lot of these types. Not the old school gentlemen types though, these men would beat a woman until she couldn't stand up. I was quite messed up in those days, and seemed to be drawn towards cruel men.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 14:35

double0seven · 12/09/2026 05:59

Many, many years ago. I would meet up with him at local pubs/ nightclubs by chance really. On one occasion he gave myself and my friend a lift home. He managed to crash the car into a central reservation and puncture the tyre. It was a fairly new car and he didn't know where the spare wheel was or how to change it. He wasn't too bothered either so we all got back in the car and he took my friend home. By the time we arrived at my home, (I had a room in a shared house) the tyre had completely gone and he was driving on the metal rim. He stayed the night and after he left the next morning I could hear the noise of the car for ages. Guessing the car was stolen.
On the odd occasions we agreed to meet and go out he always stood me up. When I did see him he would sometimes have a black eye or an arm in plaster or cuts and bruises.
Thank God he didn't like me as much as I liked him.

This guy sounds troubled - I feel as though you wouldve spent your life looking after him!

I wondsr how much damage he did to the car though!

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 12/09/2026 14:44

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 12/09/2026 07:58

Yes. He was much older than me. I had no contact with my family at the time, I was perfect for him- because he turned out to be a pimp and he trafficked me for years in my 20s. So as well as being a massively abusive bully who threatened to find and hurt my family and friends if I didn't do what he said, he sold me to be raped by thousands of men. And when I was too old (30) he tried killing me with an iron bar to the head.

Fucking hell.

im so glad you’re here to tell the tale but so sorry it’s a take to have to tell.

5289843DM · 12/09/2026 15:00

I didn't realise he was bad news when we dated, otherwise, I wouldn't have been dating him for 2yrs! The police raided the house at 5am when I was staying over 1 night and my boyfriend and his brother went to the cells. I had no idea what it was about. 'Apparently' they had threatened someone with a metal bar when selling a car went sour. I have no idea if that was the truth but I slowly distanced myself before breaking up. I've never had a 'bad boy' beforehand or since, it was a random, one off.

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 12/09/2026 15:43

itsgettingweird · 12/09/2026 14:44

Fucking hell.

im so glad you’re here to tell the tale but so sorry it’s a take to have to tell.

Thank you, I'm glad too!

NegativeFreak · 12/09/2026 15:50

ThatshallotBaby · 12/09/2026 08:31

Yes sadly. He abandoned me when I was 5 months pregnant with dd and absconded to Spain. She’s 24 now and has never met him, THANK GOD. He was a lowlife.

Heh! I know a lowlife that absconded to Spain 25 years ago. I wonder...

BlueFahrenheit · 12/09/2026 16:11

Had sex with yes, dated, no. They're usually great in bed ... be careful 😂

I've only ever dated rich men who have their lives together.

EppingIsFun · 12/09/2026 16:16

Christ, no. Surely it's not worth it. As for all this 'great in bed' - some of the 'nice boys' are great in bed too. My DH is.