Have you ever dated a 'gangster/bad boy' - what was it like?

WTF...armed robbery!!

I have started an AMA now (different username in case I get asked questions that could link to other posts).

I'd be interested. I love a glimpse into other people's lives and experiences.

Adding that I can do an AMA if anyone thinks it would be something people would genuinely be interested in.

Would anyone really want to read about a fairly middle-class ish 'normal' young woman who ended up dating a low-level 'gangsa' lesbian? 😆
I absolutely could write a book though. Rightly or wrongly, I think fairly fondly of my time with her. So many odd tales. But right up until the end, which I do accept some responsibility for, she wasn't a bad girlfriend to me. And I quite liked being (her words) 'My bit 'o posh'! 😆

This is another one that should be a book!

Yes too many times got the scars to prove it

I did try to sort mine's life out once I was 'in the know'.
It didn't work.

She did come to live with me in a 'naice' area and was extremely bored very quickly, this is when abuse became more frequent and more obvious to me and we split up not long following! For some people, that's just their life and all they've ever known. Even if they do find a way out as mine did with me, it isn't something they want. She also found that being 'official' now meant a lot of her old debts caught up with her, which displeased her muchly!

Not pre- internet but pre social media. He also had a pretty common first and surname so a bit like looking for a needle in a haystack. I also suspect he may not have been entirely truthful about his name (and God knows what else).

They'll change when they want to. I think many women feel they can change them.

The sex is exciting, though 🤭

My DH is from ‘the wrong side of the tracks’, and I’m quite posh. 😂
His whole family are well known in their county; drugs, violence, prison time. He’s tough, incredibly strong, but a real old fashioned gentleman. Never been violent or even raised his voice with me. I told him when we met that I don’t do drama in any way and if he was going to be bringing the police to my door, don’t bother going on that first date, and I meant it! He moved away to be with me. We’ve been together 13 years and we’ve never had a single bit of bother, but I quite like knowing that if I were ever in trouble, he’d literally snap someone in half to protect me, and is more than capable of doing it.

I haven’t and wouldn’t because it’s not a world I’ve ever mixed in.

What I would say is no good can come of mixing with such men. If they’re not violent to you or children you're still profiting by their crimes towards others.

Also, women have been shot at point blank range after getting caught in the crossfire of their boyfriend’s drug deal wars. Get out while you can.

"Did you not Google his name or was this pre Internet?"

@researchers3 the post you have quoted says

It was kind of long distance and it was pre- social media

Did you not Google his name or was this pre Internet?

Yes. And he was nothing like the outside image portrayed. He'd ended up in the wrong crowd and done some regrettable things, had a brief addiction which he got clean from. But was actually very gentle, respectful, caring. However this was after all that, if he was actively still involved I wouldn't have even considered dating him.

She's cleaned up her act now and is fairly 'normal'. We bump into one another now and again.

She's cut ties with her previous 'bestie/partner in crime (literally)' and is very remorseful about the mistreatment toward me back then. I have fond feelings of her, which some would say is wrong due to the fact that she must've hurt people in her decades-long criminal path. But she wasn't a bad girlfriend to me overall right up until the end.

Things that did marvel me about the whole experience was the transferable skills, e.g we were once locked out of my house due to a miscommunication, but with someone adept at breaking and entering, you're never locked out for long.

My friend's cat had gone missing and it turned out she'd entered the next door neighbour's house and they'd gone on holiday not realising. Ex was straight up through the loft, into next door and opening a window to release said cat.

And the 'thick as thieves' phrase is so, so true! One phone call and someone appeared to solve whichever issue anyone within the circle was having. My tyre once blew on the motorway, middle of winter while I was on my way to her house. I was panicking, freezing and breakdown cover were going to be hours.

Within 5 mins of calling her two 'bad boys' I'd never seen before in my life turned up and without any ado drove my car home with sparks flying off the bare wheel after chucking me into a nice warm van. They were obviously wrong 'uns, facial tattoos, accent, mannerisms etc but they were lovely and caring toward me. I thanked them and it was 'no worries love can't have (Gangsta girlfriend's name) Missis broken down out 'ere can we!'

Unfortunately (and I would argue it is the same with a lot of 'normal' folk) this doesn't seem to work the same way in more conventional circles. Criminals will do things for one another very willingly, It's part of their culture.

Cash flew around like it was nothing.

I don't regret the experience, it was a different world and one I am glad I now have some understanding of.

Wouldn't touch her with a barge pole now I am older and wiser, mind!

Yep, back in my early 20s when I was an idiot. I met him in the gym. He claimed he was a boxer. Turned out that he was a drug dealer. It took me a few months to come to my senses but I got there in the end.

This is horrific. I am so sorry this happened to you. 💐

I hope he didn’t stab as often as he farted!! 🙈

That was quite flippant phrasing in my post… it was actually all very Top Boy. But it’s soo different from the way I live my own life and he came across as being quite sweet and shy, so none of it really seemed real. But I saw a picture of him on the local paper website and had heard about the incidents he was connected to so it was real and escalating.
My friend had complained about him being too boring at the start, and it took her several years to break up with him after he first became stabby, so I don’t doubt it was stressful. But she made choices that just wouldn’t be a possibility in my world because I only see gangs and rivalries on TV

My sister has, I tried to stop her first time, she was only 16. He already had a criminal conviction but had not yet been to prison. She had 2 kids with him and broke up when she was in her late twenties. He has now been in prison twice the last I heard.

She then dated 2 regular men, one was a friend of mine but she found him boring. She told me, I never told him. He now lives overseas and has a lovely wife and babies, and has done very well in life. We are still really good mates. He told me she was the one he would have liked children with, this was when we were about 32, he didn’t marry or have kids till post 40 in the end.

She then dated someone who we think was a drug dealer, she never ever told us his family name and we never met him. She did mention he had a metal plate in his head because he had got thrown off a multi story car park because of some issue with someone.

She has also had multiple affairs with various married men, some would say she is vulnerable I would say she isn’t right in the head and has criminal behaviour herself. She is incredibly manipulative and has exploited various family members for money. I have managed to dodge her for years now as I don’t live in the same area.

SIL is dating someone who has been in prison for violence. She likes saving people because she is a misguided Liberal.

”he just couldn’t stop stabbing people”.

I shouldn’t laugh, but love the way you casually throw that one in there.

The same way others would say “I broke up with him, because he couldn’t stop farting”. 🤣🤣

My cousin who is older than me always had very nice clothes. When I was 17 I followed her to a pub she used, got introduced to her friends. They were East London car dealers. She used to go with them to Southend for weekends. Several of them were jailed for property scams and stolen cars. I did go to some of the parties and always got presents.
After a while we just grew out of that phase of our lives. Southend lost it's glamour. I still like a nice car though.

No, I've always gone for guys who are legit.

Clean of what? Was he a heroin addict?

Still married. Sometimes there are regrets but generally very happy. You’d be surprised how largely ordinary life is most of the time. Downside is definitely that there is always some paranoia accompanying you and you loved ones.