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AIBU?

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Have you ever dated a 'gangster/bad boy' - what was it like?

128 replies

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 03:00

And when (or did you ever) did you come to your senses?

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:11

EmberFawn · 12/09/2026 14:19

Yes I thought it was exciting and for some stupid reason kept going back. He locked me in the house and went out with his mates when I wouldn't have sex with him, he drove his car at me and tried to run me over, I was in hospital after losing his baby and had had to have a procedure and wasn't allowed to leave the ward without someone with me and he was in the car park texting me to hurry up because he 'had places to be' and refused to come to the ward so the nurse had to walk me down, he bent my fingers back for texting my friend and the clicking noise made him mad. Everyone loved him, he was the funny one, the light and soul of the party but he was a horrible narcissist.
I defo lived by the term, treat them mean keep them keen until I realised I deserved better

Sorry - this is awful, what a psycho he was 💐

Narcissists always have people thinking theyre the shit

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:09

Pigeon878 · 12/09/2026 08:59

I married one. Guess I still didn’t come to my senses.

Details please x

Sorry, didnt realise I already quoted you!

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:08

Bunnybigears · 12/09/2026 19:06

Yes it was fun for about 3 weeks until on a night out he spotted people were being stopped and searched and put his stash of drugs in my bag without me noticing.

I had a 'friend' who put a lipstick she stole from MAC in my bag to see whether i'd get caught

What a psycho she was. @Bunnybigears what a scummy man eh, nothing like the gentleman gangsters on tv

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 12/09/2026 19:07

I went out with Reggie Kray for a while. He loved his mum
more than me so ended it.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:07

TurningPointe · 12/09/2026 16:25

A friend did when we were at school. He broke into her family’s home and raped and murdered her when she broke it off.

Don’t glamourise “bad boys”.

Sobering, so sorry for your loss x

Fwiw - bad boys are not to be confused with woman abusers - who can be anyone in society, and are vile.

OP posts:
OneN · 12/09/2026 19:07

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 12/09/2026 07:44

Yip. He'd been in prison for armed robbery, had a sex addiction and was bloody gorgeous. It was wild and exciting but also hugely fucked up. He was amazing in bed - the best I've had - and I'll definitely always remember him.

It was kind of long distance and it was pre- social media. He disappeared from my life quite mysteriously - I suspect he went back to prison. Or possibly died. I could write a book. But it would be one of those very dirty ones 🙈

I’d read it

Bunnybigears · 12/09/2026 19:06

Yes it was fun for about 3 weeks until on a night out he spotted people were being stopped and searched and put his stash of drugs in my bag without me noticing.

Error404FucksNotFound · 12/09/2026 19:06

Yes. When I was young and stupid and thought drama was exciting.
It was ridiculous.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:06

Grumpyoldcat · 12/09/2026 19:05

I married one. It was fine. Still is.

More details please!

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:06

Millytante · 12/09/2026 16:47

Oh dahlink, you have led a very sheltered life!

This made me laugh, sorry @TruffleSlinky - Whats your life like now - did you marry someone appropriate and un dangerous

OP posts:
Grumpyoldcat · 12/09/2026 19:05

I married one. It was fine. Still is.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:04

Fifiesta · 12/09/2026 16:53

Are you writing a psychological crime fiction novel OP, and if so will you give the posters dishing the dirt, a disguised name check?

I promise i am not 😄, just a nosy bitch tbh

I think now, at almost 35, I would definitely havw a fling with a bad boy - although the quiet type, not the flashy look at me type, who are usually at the bottom of the criminal ladder

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:03

Sherryandbright · 12/09/2026 17:17

I'm gay, but I dated a 'gangsa' female, not sure if that makes a difference OP?

Career criminal, burglar, drug dealer, out and out wrong 'un'. She was in collaboration with a similar female friend (also a lesbian).

House looked like something off 'Only Fools and Horses'. 'Stuff' of certain themes would just appear and take up the whole house.

She was eventually abusive and I got out, but that was a real drip-feed.

I failed to see how bad things were for her, I think I couldn't see the woods for the trees. I am from a fairly privileged background, not wealthy but not short of opportunities or education. She wasn't. She'd gone to a school for troubled children and left with no qualifications.

I have always prided myself on being non-judgmental, and open, and see the good in people. I thought that was it though, she was less privileged and didn't have money, lived in a dodgy area, I didn't know she was anything other than that.

She never disclosed her drug dealing (or taking!) or burglaries etc to me until we'[d been together a good few years and me having never been around anything like that, didn't look for any signs.

For the most part, she was a lot of fun. I got a lot of expensive presents 'Ask no questions and I'll tell you no lies'. I learned a lot from her. She could be absolutely lovely and she was fiercely protective. If we went out in town she'd leave me to go and do 'dodgy dealings' but would buy me a glass of wine and tip the bouncer (a lot!) to not take his eyes off me, so I felt quite special.

Some of it, I still have to laugh at now I am out. For example years later she disclosed to me that once when she told me she felt ill so couldn't come out for something I'd arranged, that it was actually because the police were looking for her albeit they'd never have found her as they were looking for a teenage boy (she was in her forties, short haired, skinny and dressed like what you'd get if you google searched 'chav', dark tracksuit bottoms, hoodie, baseball cap etc).

I once stayed over at her house and had to climb up several rows of carpet to get up the stairs (nightmare with a cup of tea or glass of wine in one's hand!) as they'd filled the house with (stolen!) carpets and there was nowhere else to put them. Had to slide down them to go out in the morning too.

She sounds like quite the character, I get it! I think i'dve liked her as well. Sorry she turned out to be abusive towards you, glad you got away

I'm the same, I try not to judge, which is how i end up in bizarre conversations 😩

OP posts:
hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 19:00

Seziah · 12/09/2026 17:26

Not me but a friend. The guy was very quiet and seemed quite nice. A lot happened but she eventually broke it off because he just couldn’t stop stabbing people.
She has always been into “bad boys”. The most insane thing is that none of them ever went to prison for drug dealing, gang crime, violence etc. but one was sent back inside for driving while banned. Obviously not great but surely dealing and stabbing are worse crimes

'He just couldnt stop stabbing people'

Kim Coles Lol GIF by Bounce
OP posts:
Megamegablahblah · 12/09/2026 18:59

There is levels of it arenr't there and I think some of it is who you meet. I've never come across people actively involved in dealing drugs or guns and knives directly. I also have an excellent are you taking the piss-ometer. I remember a holiday snog in Cornwall with a guy saying you are such an amazing kisser, can I have a blow job. I just laughed and said that's just such a line. Mainly as I was thinking how does he know objectively that I am great, has he kissed many girls. Too many variables for him to mean it. He seemed slightly frustrated. That's always another barometer that someone isn't genuine - that they seem frustrated and can't communicate.

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 18:58

Jmpjmpleeds · 12/09/2026 18:50

You got your eye on someone OP?

😄 well I wouldnt say no to the main guy from This City is Ours

OP posts:
Lampzade · 12/09/2026 18:52

No
Bad boys never ever approached me … thank the Lord

Jmpjmpleeds · 12/09/2026 18:52

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 12/09/2026 07:44

Yip. He'd been in prison for armed robbery, had a sex addiction and was bloody gorgeous. It was wild and exciting but also hugely fucked up. He was amazing in bed - the best I've had - and I'll definitely always remember him.

It was kind of long distance and it was pre- social media. He disappeared from my life quite mysteriously - I suspect he went back to prison. Or possibly died. I could write a book. But it would be one of those very dirty ones 🙈

DO write a book!

Jmpjmpleeds · 12/09/2026 18:50

You got your eye on someone OP?

Dracolina · 12/09/2026 17:59

hotmumshit · 12/09/2026 03:00

And when (or did you ever) did you come to your senses?

Eew, no, never. I have never seen the appeal of these types of men. Even as a teenager, all I saw when I looked at them were trouble, drama, and other things I don't want to attract into my life.

fumingrightnow1 · 12/09/2026 17:42

Yep I was 16 pregnant with his baby he isolated me from my family and friends would physically and emotionally abuse me and wouldn't think twice of locking me in his flat for days at a time. He's in prison now.

Tekknonan · 12/09/2026 17:29

Yes. Avoid.

Seziah · 12/09/2026 17:26

Not me but a friend. The guy was very quiet and seemed quite nice. A lot happened but she eventually broke it off because he just couldn’t stop stabbing people.
She has always been into “bad boys”. The most insane thing is that none of them ever went to prison for drug dealing, gang crime, violence etc. but one was sent back inside for driving while banned. Obviously not great but surely dealing and stabbing are worse crimes

Sherryandbright · 12/09/2026 17:17

I'm gay, but I dated a 'gangsa' female, not sure if that makes a difference OP?

Career criminal, burglar, drug dealer, out and out wrong 'un'. She was in collaboration with a similar female friend (also a lesbian).

House looked like something off 'Only Fools and Horses'. 'Stuff' of certain themes would just appear and take up the whole house.

She was eventually abusive and I got out, but that was a real drip-feed.

I failed to see how bad things were for her, I think I couldn't see the woods for the trees. I am from a fairly privileged background, not wealthy but not short of opportunities or education. She wasn't. She'd gone to a school for troubled children and left with no qualifications.

I have always prided myself on being non-judgmental, and open, and see the good in people. I thought that was it though, she was less privileged and didn't have money, lived in a dodgy area, I didn't know she was anything other than that.

She never disclosed her drug dealing (or taking!) or burglaries etc to me until we'[d been together a good few years and me having never been around anything like that, didn't look for any signs.

For the most part, she was a lot of fun. I got a lot of expensive presents 'Ask no questions and I'll tell you no lies'. I learned a lot from her. She could be absolutely lovely and she was fiercely protective. If we went out in town she'd leave me to go and do 'dodgy dealings' but would buy me a glass of wine and tip the bouncer (a lot!) to not take his eyes off me, so I felt quite special.

Some of it, I still have to laugh at now I am out. For example years later she disclosed to me that once when she told me she felt ill so couldn't come out for something I'd arranged, that it was actually because the police were looking for her albeit they'd never have found her as they were looking for a teenage boy (she was in her forties, short haired, skinny and dressed like what you'd get if you google searched 'chav', dark tracksuit bottoms, hoodie, baseball cap etc).

I once stayed over at her house and had to climb up several rows of carpet to get up the stairs (nightmare with a cup of tea or glass of wine in one's hand!) as they'd filled the house with (stolen!) carpets and there was nowhere else to put them. Had to slide down them to go out in the morning too.

Fifiesta · 12/09/2026 16:53

Are you writing a psychological crime fiction novel OP, and if so will you give the posters dishing the dirt, a disguised name check?