AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

I disagree with this, my DC received a few home made cards over the year with no present or £1 in a card and were very happy with their pile of stuff.
Maybe gift giving as a love language starts at a young and some DC or their parents are more bothered by the cost of something but it’s definitely not all DC.

Spend whatever you feel comfortable with. I don’t think I would change what I spend because it’s a joint party personally however I do appreciate 4 presents at once is a lot.

Home bargains or the works could be a good place to look for presents within your budget.

But if the two alternatives are

joint party for 4 kids one afternoon

or

4 parties spread over the month

i know which I would prefer!

and you’d still be spending the same on presents. So it’s not about it being a joint party it’s just that you can’t afford to spend £10 a present

But the DC doesn’t get to go to 4 parties.

Is your child friends with all the children? Don't spend beyond your budget, TBH I had a budget of £7 for all class parties as the children are getting so many presents.

But it’s a birthday gift - not payment for going to a party

when DS was younger his class decided to do joint parties - ended phone or two a term and the kids got to do some amazing things that they wouldn’t have done as a single party. They kept up the whole class parties until the end of year 6 and Covid hitting!

I always look in the sale for this type of thing - Sainsbury’s had Lego sets reduced to £4 or the 2 for £15 offer. Smiggle often has sales where you can pick sets up for cheap - I managed 7 parties on a £30 smiggle order last year!

The cost of the party isn’t relevant, unless you give more expensive presents for parties at more expensive places, but parties at home you give less because the parents save on some party costs?

But obviously it’s fine to only spend what you can reasonably afford.

I would say it does make a difference. You may not have been invited to all 4 parties if they’d had them individually. Are you closer to a particular child. I think a fiver each is fine.

We’ve had and been to a lot of these parties over the years. I have never ever in my life questioned or judged the value of the gifts they’ve received. Only gratitude for spending the day with my child and the token you brought with you. I’d buy something from hobbycraft or some books and that is plenty. If there’s 20-30 kids going it just amasses into a pile anyway afterwards and half the time you can’t tell who gave them what. £5 is more than enough for a party especially when shared with 4. Argos often do a 2 for £10 deal on toys also

I would think £5 each is fine. We had a joint party between two and the presents were about £5-£10 range. The number of presents you get is really overwhelming anyway!

It depends how you see it.

The whole party thing... the child going to the party gets a fun experience, and in exchange the birthday child gets a gift. A bit like paying £10 for your child to go to soft play and have some food for a couple of hours.

So if it's a joint party, then it's only one "experience" so why should you have double the outlay?

I have twins. They had a joint party with a fun experience thing at our house. They invited 4 friends each. So each twin got 4 gifts. We decided that was the fairest way to do it as we would absolutely NOT expect the kids to buy both twins a gift if they were only getting one "experience".

Oh fgs, a bag or haribo or a bar of chocolate is a standard kids birthday gift. Unless you absolutely know there was an allergy, halal or vegan it's usually a pretty 'safe' cheap gift, if it turns out they can't have they can pass it on.

My child has a diary allergy and is often given milk chocolate, we just swap him for something else and munch the chocolate ourselves.

Well clearly family & close family friends will buy a present because they love the kid that's completely different.

Presumably it's an all class party. Say 30 kids coming and each spends £10 per child.
30 x £10 x 4 Kids = £1,200 on gifts for one kids party at soft play. That's a ludicrous amount.

Kids don't need all that - nothing wrong with a fiver (or less).

No of course I wouldn't and I said nothing to suggest that!

But it's clearly going to be a big party if 4 kids are sharing. They don't need £300 in gifts each. There's nothing wrong with adjusting the amount. It's just realistic.

I would feel embarrassed if I hosted a shared party and every parent felt the need to buy 4 presents each!

You’ve missed point. It’s not the value I was questioning, it was the principle if the gift being a thank you for and offset to the invite and costs of the party.

Haribo is fine

No, I don't think it's that. It's more about the context in which something has been given.

There are children that genuinely can't afford to give anything at all or can only give something very small. My children have instinctively understood this since they were very small and have received the homemade cards and inexpensive gifts gladly and gratefully as they understood that there still a level of generosity associated with the gift. Children pretty quickly learn that some children are in different circumstances and might not be able to reciprocate the gift or playdate or anything else and that is part of life.

Then there are parents who can easily afford more and either don't bother at all or buy something so thoughtless and inexpensive that it's obvious to even a small child that no thought and generosity has been attached to the gift at all. Does any child really desperately want one of those generic books from the Works that they have probably already received as party favours before? It's just cheap crap, wrapped up to tick a box and give something. It's hard for anyone, adult or child, to feel grateful about that sentiment.

As the child of a parent who gleefully bought cheap gifts as a way to save money then I can tell you that it is embarrassing after a while. There is an element of reciprocity and generosity that should be associated with presents otherwise it's just a sign of how little you care about the birthday child and your main focus is on saving yourself money that you could easily afford to spend on someone else.

I’ve never come across this with my three DC, they always ended up with a pile of stuff and their main present from us. We would then decide to put some items away for rainy days/school holidays which worked brilliantly. There was no judgement or over thinking.

I don't think my children are unusual. My children's friends often speak to them after their party about the gift my child has given if it's a gift they have especially enjoyed. Whenever they use a gift my children can recall who gave it them and have been able to for years now. They're favourites aren't always the most expensive but they are always thoughtful gifts that often represent a shared link that my child has with the friend. So the child that likes Lego and talks about it with him all the time got him a small Lego kit, his friends on the football team got him football related gifts. One of these friends isn't able to afford much but got him a pack of football cards and this went down really well and they spoke about the cards that were in the pack in great detail the next time they saw each other.

We never ended up with a pile of anonymous stuff for either my son or daughter. They cared about who got them what as they were interested to see what their friends have chosen for them .

Who are the birthday children - is it one full family i.e brothers and sisters ? If so, then you only need to buy for sibling that has invited your child surely. If it is four school friends and they are all in your child’s class, then perhaps stick £5 in each birthday card.

It shows how we are all different. My DC have lots of memories of different parties especially when funny stuff that happened but not so much the little presents they were given. To be fair we did buy them a lot during the year.

YANBU OP. It’s completely normal to split the budget between the number of hosts.

Most haribo is not vegan or halal. But anyway let's not sidetrack the thread any further...

I could probably afford more nowadays but I don’t prioritise other kids birthday gifts in our household budget. My kids have never had a birthday party they tend to have a close friend or 2 to do something and so they don’t get gifts from anyone except close friends and even then presents are not expected.