AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

We would tend to take food to these sort of parties and some drinks

I have children under the age of 10 currently (admittedly closed to the upper end of that age range) and they absolutely know how much things roughly cost. They have managed their own pocket money and money gifts from relatives for a few years now so would suggest lots of kids get quite money savvy around Year 2ish. They have known that you can get very cheap books before then though as they were a favourite to give out in our area instead of party bags. My children (and most of their friends to be honest) weren't massively delighted to get these quite generic books at the end of parties, let alone as gifts. I keep seeing the suggestion of colouring books and crayons but loads of kids just aren't into that stuff and it's just thoughtless and a complete waste of money even if it's cheap.

It's definitely not all about money though either. I mentioned upthread that a pack of football cards or a quite cheap football would go down great with my son from the age of about 6. Sweets are always a winner. My daughter loved lip balms and fancy stationery that could be picked up cheaply from Home Bargains. They would have had a decent idea that they weren't the most expensive gifts but they still would feel like they have been thought of and that shows a different kind of generosity that is always appreciated.

How many adults would like a generic book that's been picked from the Works 10 for £10 range?

For 4 people sharing I would do £5 each child gift, never heard of anyone doing more than 2 as a joint.

If you can’t afford to host in some decent way then don’t have a party!

I always think very cheeky doing a joint birthday !!! I didn’t let mine go.

Our first experience the guests provided fruit shoots and a packet of crisps and it was a crappy council gym hall with some toys and small bouncy castle for age 6 yrs.

If mine got invited to one at an expensive location I would do x 2 gifts £10 each, we usually did £20 for gifts.

DD went to a joint party (four boys, turning 6), and the invite said "please only bring one gift; we'll divide them up between them". Great idea, and no worries about it whether it was something they already had. Nobody needs 25 presents.
I don't know how they managed the division - whether the parents sorted it, or the boys took turns choosing from the pile once unwrapped. Presumably if someone wanted to get something particular for their child's best friend, that could happen separately from the party gifts.

@DailyPlannerFair enough then… I’d maybe not do flowers and would take general consumption wine and chocolates and maybe bring a food contribution, but if I would normally spend about £20 on wine and flowers for one host , I’d probably not take £80 worth of gifts for one lot of nibbles hosted by four jointly.

If four of your friends joined to throw a New Year’s Eve party at one of their houses, would you take four bottles of wine and four bunches of flowers?

actually yes, I wouldn't bring 1 bunch of flowers for them to share 😂

For the posters who are aghast that you would spend less per present…

So if you’re invited to a New Year’s Eve party at someone’s house… you’d presumably take a bottle of wine and maybe some flowers/chocolates

If four of your friends joined to throw a New Year’s Eve party at one of their houses, would you take four bottles of wine and four bunches of flowers?

And OP I agree that there are lots of kill joys who are glad there are fewer parties… I used to like party weekends as my DC were entertained for a while, I got a matter with the other mums and then they tended to be well behaved in the evening/ I didn’t feel I had to entertain them, knowing they’d had a “nice time”

I bet the parents aren't expecting big gifts or more importantly I don't think they'll have thought about it.

Who really wants 30 £10 gifts of colouring books and the like, there is a limit for storage and the amount of stuff kids will use.

It is really cheeky for parents to do a joint party and then still expect a decent value present (like £10 if that’s what would usually be spent) for each child. Especially when they are splitting the cost with up to three other parents.

My kids are older now but I am genuinely shocked at the entitlement of so many parents on this thread who think having a joint party deserves the same value gift for each child from every guest. And then to behave as if they’re doing guests parents a favour because they only have to go to one party! That makes no sense to me. It’s not as if dropping your child at a party they will
enjoy for a couple of hours is a hardship. Kids love parties and there’s still
plenty of time to do other things at the weekend.

We had a party once for my ds and one friend came early to venue with no gift or card and my ds never got anything from him, this had happened before but got a gift eventually.

that is cheap skate

Love YT, found it in places like Lincs, E Yorkshire and Hexham

Yes so much better, nothing wrong with cash

Think of the excitement of them adding up a few fivers and having £20-30 to get something they actually want from Smyths or wherever.

I disagree. For my daughter’s 6th birthday about 10-12 of the guests clubbed together and one parent organised a gift voucher for smyths toys. She got about £150 and got to go on a shopping spree at the toy shop and choose her own presents including bigger things she wouldn’t have got from an individual child (some massive lol dolls crap and a pair of roller skates from memory). The following year she opened 30 presents again, most of which weren’t things she wouldn’t have chosen. She also got 2 lots of cash in an envelope and was excited about the trip to the toy shop more than all the trinkets from the others.

Spending a fiver per child seems perfectly fine. Have a look around your nearest Yorkshire Trader, B&M type place and you'll find suitable options which don't look cheap. Things like hair accessories, stickers/stationery/craft sets, hot wheels truck, fidget toys etc.

If they're not kids your child is especially close to an inexpensive generic gift is to be expected, unless the parents have suggested what sort of things to buy.

It's so boring for a 6 year old to get given cash! At that age mine would have loved the excitement of opening gifts, even if it was just a packet of haribo inside! I'd never give cash to a child under 10.

Also if it's whole class parties, I'd definitely spend less unless they were a particular friend of my DC. Mine never really had huge parties, they only wanted their small group of friends. I definitely wouldn't spend over £5 if it was a random kid in the class, but maybe £10-£15 when it was one of their close friends (also we'd have more idea what they might like).

Yes but children also find joy in going to parties & now they are going to 1 not 4!

(but I agree re gifts, the kids will be happy with anything, the parents may be less so …)

When it’s a joint party, there should be guidance from the parents about gifts - a PP mentioned everyone bringing 1 gift, which all get shared out.

In another school I know, all the children with a birthday that month have a joint party. Regardless of how many children, it’s €5 in a card for every child.

Both of these make sense.

Having 1 party & then expecting 4 x £10 gifts (I always spent close to £15, as it was really hard to something good for £10, I found) is very cheeky. The invited children are only getting to go to 1 party not 4, and children love parties!

OP, in the absence of guidance from the parents, either £5 in a card or the equivalent small gift is absolutely fine.