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Original poster

AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

195 replies

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 11:47

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party?

I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable?

They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant?

The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:31

comealongdobbeh · 11/09/2026 19:56

What they have or gone not saved on the cost of the party is irrelevant.

If you were to have a party for your DC, that is your choice. You can also choose to have a joint party or not have a party at all.

Equally, you can choose what to spend on each gift, but I wouldn’t set my budget based on what the organisers may or
may not have spent/saved. That is miserly.

It's not irrelevant because the reason for the gift is the party, not the birthday.

If there was no party, there would be no gift.

Needing to buy four gifts makes going to the party a lot more expensive if you end up spending £40-50.

I wouldn't expect someone to buy my child a gift if we weren't having party and I wouldn't expect them to spend £10-15 each if I chose to have a joint party with three other families! Joint parties are mostly to save money so I don't get why that shouldn't be reflected in the amount spent on gifts.

OP posts:
Solmum1964 · 11/09/2026 20:29

TwinklyAmberSloth · 11/09/2026 13:18

It depends how you see it.

The whole party thing... the child going to the party gets a fun experience, and in exchange the birthday child gets a gift. A bit like paying £10 for your child to go to soft play and have some food for a couple of hours.

So if it's a joint party, then it's only one "experience" so why should you have double the outlay?

I have twins. They had a joint party with a fun experience thing at our house. They invited 4 friends each. So each twin got 4 gifts. We decided that was the fairest way to do it as we would absolutely NOT expect the kids to buy both twins a gift if they were only getting one "experience".

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I agree with this. I also have twins and apart from one or two joint friends they each had their own friendship group and invitations to their parties were sent from the one child.
I would find joint parties like this very difficult but would probably try to find bargains that look more expensive than they are. Try the Christmas bargain thread for ideas.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:27

Pigriver · 11/09/2026 18:30

My son had a joint party with his best mate who was in the same class. We only invited school kids. Some still only bought for the other child. It was a bit upsetting to be honest.

Buy what you can. I always try and pick something up in the sale.

That's a bit weird unless there was a clear split between guests

i want to buy for all which is why I'm questioning whether it's ok to spend less but then clearly there is a variation in what people spend anyway...

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:26

HippeePrincess · 11/09/2026 18:37

Yes all class parties, books are books, I don’t understand what you mean about “cheap looking” books, they’re just normal books.

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I've had books that are clearly cheap books from the works, thinner and not as good quality paper IYSWIM? Not all the works books are like that of course

OP posts:
Awkwardisfunny · 11/09/2026 20:17

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 11:47

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party?

I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable?

They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant?

The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

It's always fine to spend as much as you can afford.

"My budget for birthdays this month is X" but also: who is even paying attention to what you bought or spent? Doubt I would ever want any presents from anyone because I would be the one doing the buying for my kids. Extra toys would just go to charity anyway.

And it is definitely relevant that the parents saved on costs for the party: it means they know full well the benefits of pooling and saving money.

I'd go further and still spend £10 on one gift and split the cost with 3 other families. Who has money to spend on other people's children?? Non-family as well! Nah. Be grateful I turned up to your party. No, I won't be spending money.

comealongdobbeh · 11/09/2026 19:56

What they have or gone not saved on the cost of the party is irrelevant.

If you were to have a party for your DC, that is your choice. You can also choose to have a joint party or not have a party at all.

Equally, you can choose what to spend on each gift, but I wouldn’t set my budget based on what the organisers may or
may not have spent/saved. That is miserly.

seahorsessky · 11/09/2026 19:56

No, that's fair, if you're concerned about etiquette rules like with weddings, you wouldn't pay 4 times the norm for one do.
If you're closer to one, like she's a best friend, a bit more for her is ok.

MrsKateColumbo · 11/09/2026 19:42

dd had a joint party and we asked for Children who wanted to bring a gift to bring only one and then split the pile in half at the end. If my dc go to a joint party then I split the weekly party budget in 2, in this case I would get a small book each

Gertibear · 11/09/2026 19:25

Usually spend about £15 sometimes a little bit more for a class random and £20 or more for a friend. There’s no way I would be spending my usual amount on 4 presents. I think the parents should have really acknowledged this when sending the invites.

I’m sure if u try home bargains and b&m you’ll get something decent for the money. Squishy toys are popular, my local home bargains has the Minecraft squishy cubes for £3.99. B&M had squishies starting at £1.50 with the giant banana ones for £3!

MyOliveViewer · 11/09/2026 19:06

Pigriver · 11/09/2026 18:30

My son had a joint party with his best mate who was in the same class. We only invited school kids. Some still only bought for the other child. It was a bit upsetting to be honest.

Buy what you can. I always try and pick something up in the sale.

It’s much fairer if each birthday DC invites half the guests.

TheBlueKoala · 11/09/2026 19:00

Pigriver · 11/09/2026 18:30

My son had a joint party with his best mate who was in the same class. We only invited school kids. Some still only bought for the other child. It was a bit upsetting to be honest.

Buy what you can. I always try and pick something up in the sale.

If it was a bit upsetting then why did you have a joint party? Personally I would have taken two gifts but I admit that it grates on me. My ds was invited to a joint bday recently - he hardly knows one of the boys but I still felt he had to give him something. Gifts around where I live are 20£ so joint bdays get expensive.

HippeePrincess · 11/09/2026 18:37

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:27

Do you mean for joint parties or all parties?

I think books are a nice gift but I wouldn't give one cheap looking book personally

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Yes all class parties, books are books, I don’t understand what you mean about “cheap looking” books, they’re just normal books.

Pigriver · 11/09/2026 18:30

My son had a joint party with his best mate who was in the same class. We only invited school kids. Some still only bought for the other child. It was a bit upsetting to be honest.

Buy what you can. I always try and pick something up in the sale.

ElefantAndCastle · 11/09/2026 18:30

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:23

What sort of things do you buy?

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Depends a lot on child's age.
You can find a lot in shops like Poundland, Flying Tiger or Søstrene Grene.
I often find pretty good things on sale and keep them for later.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:27

HippeePrincess · 11/09/2026 12:02

I’ve only ever gifted token presents at these things, grab a couple of 10 for £10 book deal at the works whenever your in town and and give each child 1 book whenever you go to a party. Unless it’s a close friend where we probably would spend more like £10.

Do you mean for joint parties or all parties?

I think books are a nice gift but I wouldn't give one cheap looking book personally

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:25

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 11/09/2026 13:01

Is your child friends with all the children? Don't spend beyond your budget, TBH I had a budget of £7 for all class parties as the children are getting so many presents.

No we barely know them. If we did it would be different. Even £10 isn't loads but that's what we'd usually spend on a class friend, maybe £10-14ish, but it is a lot x 4

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:23

ElefantAndCastle · 11/09/2026 18:22

I spend maximum £5. No matter what the party arrangements.

Edited

What sort of things do you buy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:23

BeardySchnauzer · 11/09/2026 12:57

But if the two alternatives are

joint party for 4 kids one afternoon

or

4 parties spread over the month

i know which I would prefer!

and you’d still be spending the same on presents. So it’s not about it being a joint party it’s just that you can’t afford to spend £10 a present

I don't enjoy the parties but my DC do so I wouldn't mind taking them to four parties. It does make a difference if it's four parties because that would probably be the only four parties that month (in my DC class they tend not to do two in a weekend) so we'd be spending £40 in a month. This month we've got a party every week so it's seven gifts - £70 if we spend the usual £10 - rather than £40

OP posts:
ElefantAndCastle · 11/09/2026 18:22

I spend maximum £5. No matter what the party arrangements.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 18:21

Growingaseed · 11/09/2026 11:59

Of course it makes a difference, surely part the point is the present is a thank you for the food /drinks/activities! I would have thought £5 a child is fine if there's no guidance from the parents.

Yes exactly!

We wouldn't be buying gifts for these children if not for the party!

Also, we usually have max one weekend per week. On this weekend we have four, which means four gifts instead of one.

@Itchthescratch I don't think it is unkind! The parents are choosing to have a joint party to save costs and then it's costing us potentially £40 to go to one party which seems silly. If costs was no object they'd have separate parties!

I think it is relevant that the parents are saving money tbh!

@mondaytosunday But how would you know? Is there a minimum amount you expect people to spend on your children?

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 11/09/2026 16:22

Itchthescratch · 11/09/2026 12:22

Unless you genuinely can't afford more, then please don't do this. It's obvious you are being cheap and it's really unfair if your child is receiving more expensive gifts on their birthday. I remember my mum doing this and when I got old enough to realise, I was utterly mortified. Kids clock on to this stuff quite early and have an inherent sense of fairness and embarrassment when someone is cheaping out. Just to reiterate, if you can't afford more then this is totally different.

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I could probably afford more nowadays but I don’t prioritise other kids birthday gifts in our household budget. My kids have never had a birthday party they tend to have a close friend or 2 to do something and so they don’t get gifts from anyone except close friends and even then presents are not expected.

NameChangeScot · 11/09/2026 15:07

luckylavender · 11/09/2026 14:38

Haribo is fine

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Most haribo is not vegan or halal. But anyway let's not sidetrack the thread any further...

RandomUsernameHere · 11/09/2026 15:03

YANBU OP. It’s completely normal to split the budget between the number of hosts.

MyOliveViewer · 11/09/2026 15:00

Itchthescratch · 11/09/2026 14:56

I don't think my children are unusual. My children's friends often speak to them after their party about the gift my child has given if it's a gift they have especially enjoyed. Whenever they use a gift my children can recall who gave it them and have been able to for years now. They're favourites aren't always the most expensive but they are always thoughtful gifts that often represent a shared link that my child has with the friend. So the child that likes Lego and talks about it with him all the time got him a small Lego kit, his friends on the football team got him football related gifts. One of these friends isn't able to afford much but got him a pack of football cards and this went down really well and they spoke about the cards that were in the pack in great detail the next time they saw each other.

We never ended up with a pile of anonymous stuff for either my son or daughter. They cared about who got them what as they were interested to see what their friends have chosen for them .

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It shows how we are all different. My DC have lots of memories of different parties especially when funny stuff that happened but not so much the little presents they were given. To be fair we did buy them a lot during the year.

TheJoyousHiker · 11/09/2026 14:56

Who are the birthday children - is it one full family i.e brothers and sisters ? If so, then you only need to buy for sibling that has invited your child surely. If it is four school friends and they are all in your child’s class, then perhaps stick £5 in each birthday card.

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