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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

195 replies

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 11:47

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party?

I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable?

They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant?

The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 21:42

OttersOnAPlane · 11/09/2026 21:38

It's got nothing to do with the cost of the party! A birthday gift is for the child, not a reflection of the parents' outlay.

A small party at home, a class party at a soft play and a "take the children to a film and go to Pizza Express" all get the same sort of gift regardless of how much was spent.

If all four children are friends of you child, all four get a sensible present. If £10 is too much of a stretch, ok, maybe £8 a head on the grounds you don't have that much money to hand.

If they are not all friends of your child, a proper present for the friends and a token gift for the strangers/acquaintances.

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the gift outlay is a reflection of the party insofar as we would only be buying a gift because we went to their party. If there was no party we wouldn't be buying a gift. None of the four children are particularly my child's friend but they are in their class so I am sure they are friendly and my DC will enjoy a party with her classmates.

By your reasoning does that mean a token gift for all of them?

I agree that if any of them were a particular friend of my child I would buy them a nicer gift regardless of party. That's not really the point of the thread

OP posts:
Ohdearnotthisagain · 11/09/2026 21:40

The parents are definitely saving money, how can anyone see differently.

Why should attending kids’ parents still spend a fortune when their kid only gets to go to one party, get one lolly bag etc.

I would buy four small gifts or a fiver in each card.

OttersOnAPlane · 11/09/2026 21:38

Growingaseed · 11/09/2026 11:59

Of course it makes a difference, surely part the point is the present is a thank you for the food /drinks/activities! I would have thought £5 a child is fine if there's no guidance from the parents.

It's got nothing to do with the cost of the party! A birthday gift is for the child, not a reflection of the parents' outlay.

A small party at home, a class party at a soft play and a "take the children to a film and go to Pizza Express" all get the same sort of gift regardless of how much was spent.

If all four children are friends of you child, all four get a sensible present. If £10 is too much of a stretch, ok, maybe £8 a head on the grounds you don't have that much money to hand.

If they are not all friends of your child, a proper present for the friends and a token gift for the strangers/acquaintances.

mikehandlesburning · 11/09/2026 21:38

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 21:31

Did you tell the parents this ahead of time because otherwise how would they know to do this?

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Yes. I am shocked at the number of people on here who think all the kids should get a gift. We split boys and girls, my DD got 9 out of 30 and I couldn’t have cared less.

Joint party means joint gifts in my book. Worlds gone mad.

Gemilo · 11/09/2026 21:36

mondaytosunday · 11/09/2026 12:48

I give the same value whether it’s one or three or more kids. My son had a joint paintball party with two other lads and I’d be pretty annoyed if that was used as an excuse to give less (obviously people should only give what they can afford). It was an expensive party we couldn’t have done without joining up.

So did the kids all get three party bags?

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 21:31

mikehandlesburning · 11/09/2026 21:29

I held a joint party and we split the gifts. No child needs 30 gifts, it’s complete madness.

Did you tell the parents this ahead of time because otherwise how would they know to do this?

OP posts:
FredbassetOT · 11/09/2026 21:31

I used to buy a box set of books from the book people for a tenner. Everyone got a book. Maybe with a packet of sweets if I was feeling flush.
Same for party bags.

mikehandlesburning · 11/09/2026 21:29

I held a joint party and we split the gifts. No child needs 30 gifts, it’s complete madness.

hellokellie · 11/09/2026 21:22

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 11:47

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party?

I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable?

They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant?

The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

I think £5 each is fine if you head somewhere like Home Bargains/B&M. You could get some sort of squishy/fidget toy, a book and some sweets for £5 per child as well as 4 cards and a roll of wrapping paper for £20 total!

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 21:14

BambinaCucina · 11/09/2026 21:07

I suppose what I would spend is irrelevant; you should spend what you can afford to.

What I did want to point out is that the Yorkshire trading company has galt science kits for £4.99 each. Maybe this could be an idea? They're normally £20. I'm unsure how much delivery is.

These are a good deal

OP posts:
bababamama · 11/09/2026 20:59

You can get decent gifts for £5 per child if you shop carefully, book, small craft and sweets for instance

owlsatnight · 11/09/2026 20:55

The thing that annoys me about this thread is that if you posted ‘AIBU to be annoyed a parent gave my kid a cheap present’ you’d be crucified and rightly so.

Parties are expensive and I don’t judge any parent for cutting costs but that has to go both ways.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:50

Fishinthesink · 11/09/2026 20:49

Yeah we generally hit the Argos 2 for £15 hard for parties anyway. DD is going to a joint party tomorrow and I have spent less than I would if it was one very good friend (she's not really friends with one of the girls at all).

Do people really think about how much people have spent on their kids' party presents?!! That seems mad to me. And I definitely wouldn't be having any of that talk from my kids. You invite a friend because you want them to celebrate with you not because you want payment for the party.

Thanks yes I agree. Four sharing a party is stretching it even further and it's becoming more common.

OP posts:
suburburban · 11/09/2026 20:49

Could you put £5 in each card, they are saving by sharing party 4 ways

Fishinthesink · 11/09/2026 20:49

Yeah we generally hit the Argos 2 for £15 hard for parties anyway. DD is going to a joint party tomorrow and I have spent less than I would if it was one very good friend (she's not really friends with one of the girls at all).

Do people really think about how much people have spent on their kids' party presents?!! That seems mad to me. And I definitely wouldn't be having any of that talk from my kids. You invite a friend because you want them to celebrate with you not because you want payment for the party.

Moonnstarz · 11/09/2026 20:41

I used to buy things in the sales/whenever I spotted anything reduced or in the middle aisle in Aldi/Lidl. You can definitely get something decent for around £5.
I used to buy a lot of orchard toys games though think 6 might be a bit too old for that now.
For girls home bargains is good for craft items. Or places like the works often do 3 for £12 which covers lots of different activity sets suitable for boys or girls. I have actually just checked and it's 4 for £20. There is a pouring art balloon dog set, marvel or stitch mould set, oi frog box set and puzzle, various water beads sets. All of these I would imagine a 6 year old enjoying.

owlsatnight · 11/09/2026 20:38

YANBU

I wouldn’t be spending £40 for one party. Sorry.

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:36

Thanks everyone for the replies. I probably can get something okay for less money. I've seen the works does 4 for £20 or something and Argos does 2 for £15 plus I like giving books. I find it interesting to know what people think about this!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:35

MiceSpiders · 11/09/2026 20:34

But they could've all had a separate party a week or so apart so it would've still cost you £40 in a week, we've had weekends where we've had 2/3 parties in one weekend

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I've answered this point above and no that's not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:34

MiceSpiders · 11/09/2026 20:32

We used to do £10 when DS was getting invited to a party for every child in his class plus others from activities, that has thankfully slowed down now as parties are smaller , so they seem to be mainly his closer friends so we do £15-£20. But it's probably 10 parties a year rather than 30+
However you can only spend what you can afford. Focus on getting something each child will actually like, ask the parents what they're into. That way even if you only spend £5 each it'll be something they will actually play with

I worry about asking what they're into with a limited budget but that's what I would usually do.

OP posts:
TheLette · 11/09/2026 20:34

I would still give them a decent present each but look to see if you can make some savings e.g. by getting 3 for the prize of two type deals.

MiceSpiders · 11/09/2026 20:34

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:31

It's not irrelevant because the reason for the gift is the party, not the birthday.

If there was no party, there would be no gift.

Needing to buy four gifts makes going to the party a lot more expensive if you end up spending £40-50.

I wouldn't expect someone to buy my child a gift if we weren't having party and I wouldn't expect them to spend £10-15 each if I chose to have a joint party with three other families! Joint parties are mostly to save money so I don't get why that shouldn't be reflected in the amount spent on gifts.

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But they could've all had a separate party a week or so apart so it would've still cost you £40 in a week, we've had weekends where we've had 2/3 parties in one weekend

Original poster
Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:33

Awkwardisfunny · 11/09/2026 20:17

It's always fine to spend as much as you can afford.

"My budget for birthdays this month is X" but also: who is even paying attention to what you bought or spent? Doubt I would ever want any presents from anyone because I would be the one doing the buying for my kids. Extra toys would just go to charity anyway.

And it is definitely relevant that the parents saved on costs for the party: it means they know full well the benefits of pooling and saving money.

I'd go further and still spend £10 on one gift and split the cost with 3 other families. Who has money to spend on other people's children?? Non-family as well! Nah. Be grateful I turned up to your party. No, I won't be spending money.

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Buying joint gifts is a good one actually 😆

OP posts:
MiceSpiders · 11/09/2026 20:32

We used to do £10 when DS was getting invited to a party for every child in his class plus others from activities, that has thankfully slowed down now as parties are smaller , so they seem to be mainly his closer friends so we do £15-£20. But it's probably 10 parties a year rather than 30+
However you can only spend what you can afford. Focus on getting something each child will actually like, ask the parents what they're into. That way even if you only spend £5 each it'll be something they will actually play with

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