AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

A lot of people seem to be missing the point… it’s not about the money per se; it’s about the fact that the present is a sign of gratitude for the experience of attending a party. Most kids love going to parties so in fact a joint foursome is a bit mean to start with

My DD occasionally had a joint party but if 30 people were invited, we made it clear on the invitation that only one present was required eg please only buy a present for Betty.

So 15 children would NOT have bought a present for my DD

My eldest DS had a party each year and tended to invite most of the same DC every year. His favourite gift was always from a boy who used to bring a box Maltesers. He got given some lovely gifts but the Maltesers was always his favourite.

I've not said different parties get different amounts. It's not that deep. You don't buy every child in the class a birthday present if they aren't having a party do you? So clearly an element of the gift is a thank you for attending the party.

To spend £40 on a 6 year old kids party is unnecessary. If every parent going is spending that each, it'll be a small fortune in gifts. £20 total is much more reasonable.

As I replied to another poster:- I would feel embarrassed if I knew all the parents coming were forking out that much.

I wouldn’t get a present for Alfie. .

When I did a joint party with a child's friend and each child invited their own list even though they were all friends, we then made it clear not to buy a present for the other child. This worked well and parents and birthday children were happy

So, to summarise, it’s ok for you to split the cost of the party 3 ways because you can’t afford to have a single birthday party, but you’d like parents to spend 3x as much on presents compared to if you’d hosted on your own so your son doesn’t lose out? Can’t you see the irony in this 🤣

OP it’s fine to spend a bit less. Presents are absolutely ‘payment’ for the party as no one is buying presents for school mates who don’t host parties are they. I’m not spending £40 on gifts for a single party. I like 4 parties taking 4 afternoons, that’s 4 afternoons of entertainment for my kid, compared to just 1. When we’ve been to joint parties (only 2 kids so far) I’ve generally spent £7-8 per child rather than £10-12. I also spend a bit more if I know the party is just a small group of mates doing a special (often more expensive) activity than 30 kids in a village hall.

Well if it wasn't joint and 4 separate parties were on the same weekend you'd not be likely to attend them all

I would - and have - spent what I can afford. It's a gift for the child, not a thank you for hosting.

I don’t buy presents “just because” either, because realistically I wouldn’t even know it was their birthday. But I also don’t see a birthday present as an exchange for food or entertainment at the party. So if I was going to a joint party, it wouldn’t even cross my mind that I was somehow missing out on food or entertainment that I would have been offered on another day if the parties weren’t combined.

So if there’s Henry, Oliver and alfie and Henry has an expensive party at soft play and Oliver has a little party at home I’m absolutely going to spend the same on them. No issue with that. But Alfie isn’t having a party at all (or if he is, he hasn’t invited my child) am I going to buy him a present?

I’m not, am I? So the present is conditional on the party invite. When the party is split four ways the present will be as well. It has to be, otherwise it’s just getting into silly territory. £10 per party, sure. £40? Come on.

Did all four kids invite yours? I've never had that, I would buy one gift got for the child who issued the invite and a card for the others perhaps or not if you don't know them

I spend the same on each birthday child

I don’t see the cost of the party as quid pro quo

I buy a present as a thank you for the party invite so yes, in a way. While I do buy presents for very close friends children, I don’t buy them ‘just because’ for classmates. Do you? That’s a genuine question and not a snark.

I’m confused. Do you see a kid’s birthday party as basically buying a present in exchange for a free lunch or tea for your child?

Because without wanting to sound overly transactional, that would be four parties my child attended, so four sets of food and entertainment.

None of the four children are particularly my child's friend but they are in their class.

No, I meant if it was two classmates (whose party they would probably go to if invited individually) and a cousin or neighbour your child had met once or twice.

I've been to plenty of joint parties through 3 kids in primary school. I liked them because it seemed daft to have two parties with the same group of kids each weekend because classroom birthdays clustered.

We gave a gift to the birthday child because we accepted the invitation. If we knew each child (as a classmate or through Cubs/Brownies etc) then each got a proper present, not some cheap tat bought because we had divided the cost of a real present between the number of birthday kids.

Bargains and 3for2 offers are great and a very sensible way of cost saving. Buying £2.99 of plastic shite at a discount shop isn't.

How is it connected that it is joint? They could have invited you to 4 different ones in a month. I usually spend £10 a present if we don’t know them that well.

My son got more than he needed at his last party. He loved it, and we appreciated people’s generosity of course, but it wasn’t necessary. I normally buy the 2 for £15 gifts from Argos, but also might spend less if it was for four children from his class. Spend whatever you’re comfortable with, I doubt anyone will mind.

Sticker books from Amazon. I bought one recently for about £3.

I’ve only ever heard of them on here but I can see there’s some merit to splitting the costs with two children with similar birthdays. It also avoids awkward ‘oh, Thomas and Oliver both have parties on 19th September’ decisions.

But I do think parents choosing this have to accept splitting gifts down the middle or less expensive presents.

Very genuinely then, do you routinely buy presents for children in your class who either don’t have parties or who do but didn’t invite your child?

Because I don’t!

I would normally spend about a tenner for a child. If DC was invited by one of the 4 children I would just get a present for the child they were invited by. If however, they are good friends with all 4 children and were invited by all 4 then I would probably have to reduce it to about 6 pounds per child as I just couldn't afford 40 quid all in one go. Im not clear whether each child invited say 10 friends each or whether the invites were sent out jointly by all 4. If they had individual parties would your DC have been invited to all four parties? I have twins and they always have joint parties but we make it clear on the invites which twin the invite has come from. I would never expect people to buy a present for both.

So is this a new thing, they used to be joint for 2 people not 4

I’ve got this coming up - a joint party of four boys. I won’t be spending £40, but equally don’t want the gifts to be cheap or not up to much. Am struggling for inspiration.

I wouldn’t spend that much if it’s 4 way, a fiver is ample

if it was one person you would spend £10 max so this 4 way party is very expensive for the guests