Page 3 | AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 2026-09-11T10:47:03+00:00

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party? I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable? They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant? The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 14:13

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 12:04

I think you've missed the point and I'm not one of the people saying it's a big inconvenience going to a party.

It's also not "tit for tat" as you put it as my point is that we've got 7 gifts to buy in one month which is only the case because one of the parties is for four children.

There is an element of quid pro quo though as others have said as the party is the reason for the gift.

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I wasn't attacking you personally, it was a general comment over the outrage about birthday parties.

My point about the price of gifts stand. You don't have to attend of course, but if you do, it's normal to buy a gift for each child. Weird to price the gift depending on the actual party.

I don't agree with the "quid pro quo". it wouldn't occur to most people to give a cheap gift for a party at home, and a more expensive one for an expensive venue. It's still just a party, not a whole weekend away all expenses paid

bluebirdssing · 12/09/2026 13:59

cantpullthetrigger · 11/09/2026 11:50

I don’t see how it’s connected to the cost of the party.

if you would have been invited to four separate parties this month, then spend the same as you would have in that case.

If it’s a bit less than other months due to the concentration of birthdays and affordability, that’s fine. But not because the parents decided to club the parties into one.

I guess the OP’s child might well not have been invited to all four parties or might not have been able to go to them.

sparklyblueberry2 · 12/09/2026 13:53

The answer to this problem is find suitable presents in a sale! That way all 4 children get a suitable decent gift (not tat) and you haven’t spent a fortune.

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 12:04

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 10:38

MN is a funny place

Posters are offended/ upset/ fuming when their children don't get invited to parties
but they are put out/ inconvenienced/ resentful when their kids ARE invited.
Can't win 😂

It's bloody weird to price gifts based on your estimation of the cost of a birthday party or wedding. (or to see parties as free childcare)

and it's not even true that parents will have saved money. Maybe they would have done the same party alone, but maybe they would have stuck to a much smaller gathering, you never know. And who cares?

Your children have fun, it's a bit boring for you but it saves you from taking them away that day and it cost a lot less than parks or attractions you would have gone to.

I think you've missed the point and I'm not one of the people saying it's a big inconvenience going to a party.

It's also not "tit for tat" as you put it as my point is that we've got 7 gifts to buy in one month which is only the case because one of the parties is for four children.

There is an element of quid pro quo though as others have said as the party is the reason for the gift.

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 12:03

comealongdobbeh · 12/09/2026 10:49

The reason for the gift is the invite, not the party.

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That might be your reason. It's not mine!

If I couldn't go to the party I wouldn't buy a gift so the reason for the gift is going to the party...

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 12:00

Luckylu123 · 12/09/2026 10:15

ive only been to one joint party and we only brought for the friend we knew.

I’d spend your usual amount on the friend you are close with, if you know the other 3 children but aren’t close, just get them a very cheap token gift. If you’re not really friends with the other 3, don’t get them anything at all.

As I've said, my child is not close with any of the children. It's just a class invite.

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comealongdobbeh · 12/09/2026 10:49

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 11/09/2026 20:31

It's not irrelevant because the reason for the gift is the party, not the birthday.

If there was no party, there would be no gift.

Needing to buy four gifts makes going to the party a lot more expensive if you end up spending £40-50.

I wouldn't expect someone to buy my child a gift if we weren't having party and I wouldn't expect them to spend £10-15 each if I chose to have a joint party with three other families! Joint parties are mostly to save money so I don't get why that shouldn't be reflected in the amount spent on gifts.

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The reason for the gift is the invite, not the party.

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 10:38

MN is a funny place

Posters are offended/ upset/ fuming when their children don't get invited to parties
but they are put out/ inconvenienced/ resentful when their kids ARE invited.
Can't win 😂

It's bloody weird to price gifts based on your estimation of the cost of a birthday party or wedding. (or to see parties as free childcare)

and it's not even true that parents will have saved money. Maybe they would have done the same party alone, but maybe they would have stuck to a much smaller gathering, you never know. And who cares?

Your children have fun, it's a bit boring for you but it saves you from taking them away that day and it cost a lot less than parks or attractions you would have gone to.

fuckeditupbadly · 12/09/2026 10:33

AquamarinePearlGold · 11/09/2026 11:59

Good lord! This horrible tit-for-tat way of thinking is ridiculous.

They’ve saved you having to go to 4 parties. Don’t be so nit picky! just get the kids whatever you can afford op.

Amazon - books
Flying tiger - random stuff
TK max

all have reasonably priced things kids would love for £5ish

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Agree. Jesus...the implication is that because they've split the cost of the party the guests are being deprived of the 'right' to attend 4 so should get a less expensive present. I absolutely agree that 4 in a month is a lot so if you wouldn't have spent £40 then dont. There is no connection between the value of a gift and the type of party. Are you meant to spend more of its a cool zoo party than if its cake and ive cream at home?

suburburban · 12/09/2026 10:25

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 10:00

Parents stay at all the parties we've been to

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Oh no. 90s/2000s parties weren’t like that. Thank goodness

Luckylu123 · 12/09/2026 10:15

ive only been to one joint party and we only brought for the friend we knew.

I’d spend your usual amount on the friend you are close with, if you know the other 3 children but aren’t close, just get them a very cheap token gift. If you’re not really friends with the other 3, don’t get them anything at all.

MrsKateColumbo · 12/09/2026 10:10

Tbh £5 in a card is probably more appreciated by adult and child than a £10/15 gift they might not like/have space for. We dont really do cash where I live but it's much more practical

Kittyninja267 · 12/09/2026 10:08

OP just do what you can afford, a colouring book and markers or a low cost book or sweets and £5 in the card. Whatever you want is fine, playdough, Craft supplies etc can be a big gift and not cost the earth or as other have said the multibuy offers in argos and supermarkets are starting with xmas coming. When my kids were small I bought stuff through the year when I saw offers or sales and then spread the cost out. Sept/Oct we have always had a lot of birthday parties and on top of back to school costs and saving for Xmas it was hard to budget extra for parties as well. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 10:00

suburburban · 12/09/2026 09:34

Not to mention a chance for the parent to do something else or are you expected to stay nowadays?

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Parents stay at all the parties we've been to

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 09:59

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:27

I’m sure all four of those kids would have had a birthday party that month anyway. Let’s be honest, I doubt any parent would have skipped their own child’s party just because another kid was having one. So I actually think it’s quite smart that they’re joining them together — you only have to go to one party instead of four separate ones, which saves everyone time.

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Like I said, they wouldn't have, because there are parties on the other three weekends that month and there wouldn't be four parties in one weekend. Two of those children didn't have parties last year and the two who did had a joint party.

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Kittyninja267 · 12/09/2026 09:41

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:37

At my kids’ school, parents usually talk to each other and know when other birthday parties are happening, so they make sure they don’t overlap. If not joint, most likely, you’ll just end up with a party on Saturday and another on Sunday every weekend. I’ve also even seen parents change the time of their child’s party to avoid a clash. But you know you don’t have to accept the joint invitation if you don’t want to spend money, right? I personally find joint parties very smart cause it saves you so much time and your kids get to celebrate all their friends!

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There is no question on that, I have done a joint party myself but we made it clear that half were invited by A and half were invited by B so there was no expectation for kids to bring 2 presents. Even though they were all friends

suburburban · 12/09/2026 09:37

Polesinengland · 11/09/2026 23:45

A lot of people seem to be missing the point… it’s not about the money per se; it’s about the fact that the present is a sign of gratitude for the experience of attending a party. Most kids love going to parties so in fact a joint foursome is a bit mean to start with

My DD occasionally had a joint party but if 30 people were invited, we made it clear on the invitation that only one present was required eg please only buy a present for Betty.

So 15 children would NOT have bought a present for my DD

Yes that’s a good point or it may be siblings or cousins so just by for the friend who invited you

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:37

Kittyninja267 · 12/09/2026 09:29

No but they may have overlapped and everyone would have made a choice on which to attend and therefore which to get a present for.

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At my kids’ school, parents usually talk to each other and know when other birthday parties are happening, so they make sure they don’t overlap. If not joint, most likely, you’ll just end up with a party on Saturday and another on Sunday every weekend. I’ve also even seen parents change the time of their child’s party to avoid a clash. But you know you don’t have to accept the joint invitation if you don’t want to spend money, right? I personally find joint parties very smart cause it saves you so much time and your kids get to celebrate all their friends!

suburburban · 12/09/2026 09:34

owlsatnight · 11/09/2026 22:16

Because without wanting to sound overly transactional, that would be four parties my child attended, so four sets of food and entertainment.

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Not to mention a chance for the parent to do something else or are you expected to stay nowadays?

KarmenPQZ · 12/09/2026 09:33

100% spend less or don’t get a child a present if you don’t know them.

been on both sides of this - did a big joint party for 4 girls who were all born within a week so otherwise scheduling parties would have been a nightmare. We said presents not necessary but we got soooo many it was insane and I absolutely did t care if someone bother one child a present and not others. But books and littler things were appreciated over the dreaded craft sets.

also been to joint parties where we only knew one child and bought only them presents.

no one bothers in my circles.

Kittyninja267 · 12/09/2026 09:29

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:27

I’m sure all four of those kids would have had a birthday party that month anyway. Let’s be honest, I doubt any parent would have skipped their own child’s party just because another kid was having one. So I actually think it’s quite smart that they’re joining them together — you only have to go to one party instead of four separate ones, which saves everyone time.

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No but they may have overlapped and everyone would have made a choice on which to attend and therefore which to get a present for.

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:27

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 07:44

The thing is Abbynabby I'd only be buying gifts for these children because we're going to the party. We don't buy gifts for classmates otherwise (unless they are close friends maybe). So yes it kind of is transactional in that we are giving a gift because we were invited to a party and acknowledge there was a cost to this.

It is relevant to me that the parties are joint because I'll be spending £40-50 in one weekend on gifts in addition to having parties on the three other weekends that months. If these parties were not joint I don't think we would have seven gifts to buy in a month because parents in our child's class try to limit to one party per weekend.

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I’m sure all four of those kids would have had a birthday party that month anyway. Let’s be honest, I doubt any parent would have skipped their own child’s party just because another kid was having one. So I actually think it’s quite smart that they’re joining them together — you only have to go to one party instead of four separate ones, which saves everyone time.

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 07:44

abbynabby23 · 11/09/2026 22:25

I’m confused. Do you see a kid’s birthday party as basically buying a present in exchange for a free lunch or tea for your child?

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The thing is Abbynabby I'd only be buying gifts for these children because we're going to the party. We don't buy gifts for classmates otherwise (unless they are close friends maybe). So yes it kind of is transactional in that we are giving a gift because we were invited to a party and acknowledge there was a cost to this.

It is relevant to me that the parties are joint because I'll be spending £40-50 in one weekend on gifts in addition to having parties on the three other weekends that months. If these parties were not joint I don't think we would have seven gifts to buy in a month because parents in our child's class try to limit to one party per weekend.

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 07:38

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 11/09/2026 21:56

I would normally spend about a tenner for a child. If DC was invited by one of the 4 children I would just get a present for the child they were invited by. If however, they are good friends with all 4 children and were invited by all 4 then I would probably have to reduce it to about 6 pounds per child as I just couldn't afford 40 quid all in one go. Im not clear whether each child invited say 10 friends each or whether the invites were sent out jointly by all 4. If they had individual parties would your DC have been invited to all four parties? I have twins and they always have joint parties but we make it clear on the invites which twin the invite has come from. I would never expect people to buy a present for both.

It is a full class party and one invite has been sent to every child in the class, not invited by any one particular child. At my child's school they still have full class parties so it's possible we would have been invited if they had separate parties that were full class parties but not if they were just inviting a few friends.

There was a joint party last year with one child my dc was good friends with and one they weren't but the invite was sent jointly by both parents so I felt I needed to buy for both. I did spend more on my dc friend.

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VoiceofInsanity · 12/09/2026 05:26

It's never unreasonable to spend only what you can afford. (But the party throwers may well not be spending less than they would have done if they'd thrown individual parties, because they might have thrown a different kind of party, or invited fewer people so I don't think that should be part of your reasoning.)