Page 2 | AIBU to spend less on presents for a joint children’s party?

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 2026-09-11T10:47:03+00:00

How much do you spend on gifts for children's parties (assuming it is not someone you know well or one of your child's closest friends) and, more to the point, would you spend less if it's a joint party? I would usually spend up to £10 on a child's gift but we are going to a different party soon which is a joint party between 4 children. Spending up to £40 is more than we can comfortably afford this month. I'm not suggesting I'd spend £2.50 each but is there something I could get for a fiver that would be acceptable? They have saved on the cost of the but is this relevant? The children are going to be six and there are two boys and two girls.

Selfseedpoppies · 13/09/2026 08:12

Itchthescratch · 11/09/2026 12:22

Unless you genuinely can't afford more, then please don't do this. It's obvious you are being cheap and it's really unfair if your child is receiving more expensive gifts on their birthday. I remember my mum doing this and when I got old enough to realise, I was utterly mortified. Kids clock on to this stuff quite early and have an inherent sense of fairness and embarrassment when someone is cheaping out. Just to reiterate, if you can't afford more then this is totally different.

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I really think you're wrong here. Kids especially under 10 don't have much clue what things cost. A book could cost £10 or £1. Some of the things my kids loved the most were cheap stuff. Colouring sets, books, sweets, all would have been accepted with joy.

OP I think spend what you can afford but don't necessarily connect it with what the party cost the parents. It's not a transaction. Your child will find joy in celebrating the other child's birthday.

TheBlueKoala · 13/09/2026 08:07

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:59

Maybe I'm being tight but I'd rather not go than spend £40-£50 on gifts when we have parties every other weekend anyway.

You're not tight. People saying this are either wealthy or hypocrite- they wouldn't want to spend it themselves but it's easy to spend other people's money.

Newname26 · 13/09/2026 08:06

JoshLymanSwagger · 13/09/2026 08:04

Think of it this way - you have a class of 30 kids, if you spend 10 to 15 on each kid, that's 300-450 per year on lego and books...

That's your kids birthday and/or christmas paid for.

No idea what I'd do, but that is way to much to be spending on other peoples children.

Not every child will have a party.

TheBlueKoala · 13/09/2026 08:05

Itchthescratch · 13/09/2026 07:17

@Itchthescratch I don't think it is unkind! The parents are choosing to have a joint party to save costs and then it's costing us potentially £40 to go to one party which seems silly. If costs was no object they'd have separate parties!
I've held joint parties for my children and individual ones. The motivation has never been to save money but to avoid situations where there is a crazy amount of parties over the same weekend where birthdays overlap or are very close together. I once had a weekend where my children were invited to four different parties and two of them had a slight overlap. This is really overwhelming for children attending the parties and horrible for the birthday children when other kids pick and choose which parties they will go to. A joint party is far better.

Would you really prefer having to attend four separate parties?

Oh c'mon. Most people do shared parties to divide the cost. And why not? But to then take offense that those invited want to save costs as well is hypocritical.

Where I live most people give 20£ for a party gift. Mine are a bit older so it's mostly cash/robux/Google play cards or something like that. Many mums I have talked to find party costs expensive but see it as a gift to their children who then get gifts at the party. So less spent on gifts. Not everyone is wealthy like some.

JoshLymanSwagger · 13/09/2026 08:04

Think of it this way - you have a class of 30 kids, if you spend 10 to 15 on each kid, that's 300-450 per year on lego and books...

That's your kids birthday and/or christmas paid for.

No idea what I'd do, but that is way to much to be spending on other peoples children.

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:59

Maybe I'm being tight but I'd rather not go than spend £40-£50 on gifts when we have parties every other weekend anyway.

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:58

Again, I appreciate the time taken to reply as it gives me an indication of what other parents will do.

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:58

thetinsoldier · 13/09/2026 07:19

Which child has invited yours? Or was it a joint invitation from all dc?

As I've said, the same joint invite has gone to everyone in the class from all four parents. My dc is not closer with any one of them.

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Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:56

Itchthescratch · 13/09/2026 07:17

@Itchthescratch I don't think it is unkind! The parents are choosing to have a joint party to save costs and then it's costing us potentially £40 to go to one party which seems silly. If costs was no object they'd have separate parties!
I've held joint parties for my children and individual ones. The motivation has never been to save money but to avoid situations where there is a crazy amount of parties over the same weekend where birthdays overlap or are very close together. I once had a weekend where my children were invited to four different parties and two of them had a slight overlap. This is really overwhelming for children attending the parties and horrible for the birthday children when other kids pick and choose which parties they will go to. A joint party is far better.

Would you really prefer having to attend four separate parties?

I've answered this already so you can look back for my answer if you're bothered. It is okay for us not to agree though and I agree what you say about not buying cheap tat / rubbish gifts generally.

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owlsatnight · 13/09/2026 07:54

Saved from a party haha. Just say we can’t make it FFS!

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:53

FunnyOrca · 12/09/2026 22:12

Yup, I read it as the parents doing you a favour and saving you the other three parties!

Four children in my class had a joint party before Christmas once and the parents asked everyone to bring a generic gift and each child (of those invited) took one home - no party bags. I thought that was a fun idea.

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That is a nice idea but that's not what these parents have done.

I don't actually want to be "saved" from a party as we're quite happy to go if we're free and we do have parties every other weekend this month anyway so I don't think they'd have been able to have parties if not joint. The parents around her generally seem to think more than one party in a weekend is too much.

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Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 13/09/2026 07:51

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 21:52

no one is keeping tab, you are the one asking the question, people are answering you!

I always bought presents for these parties in the sales, cheaper and the kids get better gifts.

I am just puzzled by the attitude, all these posters resentful that "parents save money" (you don't even know if that's true or not, some joint parties cost a lot more than having a few kids at home for a "home party))
so mustn't spend anything on gifts. Very odd.

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I'm quite happy for people to answer me but people make things up. I've never suggested not giving a gift for example and if anyone has said that it's a rogue reply.

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owlsatnight · 13/09/2026 07:21

Thing with the ‘oh how awful, a party, what a massive favour the parents are doing you by ensuring you only have to go to one of those nasty things’ that I never understand is that if you don’t want to go to a party, don’t. Just say sorry, we’ve already got plans but hope Oliver has a great day

thetinsoldier · 13/09/2026 07:19

Which child has invited yours? Or was it a joint invitation from all dc?

Itchthescratch · 13/09/2026 07:17

@Itchthescratch I don't think it is unkind! The parents are choosing to have a joint party to save costs and then it's costing us potentially £40 to go to one party which seems silly. If costs was no object they'd have separate parties!
I've held joint parties for my children and individual ones. The motivation has never been to save money but to avoid situations where there is a crazy amount of parties over the same weekend where birthdays overlap or are very close together. I once had a weekend where my children were invited to four different parties and two of them had a slight overlap. This is really overwhelming for children attending the parties and horrible for the birthday children when other kids pick and choose which parties they will go to. A joint party is far better.

Would you really prefer having to attend four separate parties?

Itchthescratch · 13/09/2026 07:12

HippeePrincess · 11/09/2026 16:22

I could probably afford more nowadays but I don’t prioritise other kids birthday gifts in our household budget. My kids have never had a birthday party they tend to have a close friend or 2 to do something and so they don’t get gifts from anyone except close friends and even then presents are not expected.

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This is what I mean about it being an indication of a lack of generosity. You aren't doing anything that other parents haven't thought of or couldn't do themselves. I remember my mum being a bit smug about giving cheap gifts and the money she had 'saved'. There is nothing to be smug about. You have selfishly cheaped out on a child's gift to save money. Spending a quid on a generic crap book is just embarrassing unless you can't afford more. Even then a more thoughtful gift is probably possible.

You're not beating the system or being smart. Sams with not allowing your children birthday parties. I just feel sorry for all the children involved.

FunnyOrca · 12/09/2026 22:12

BeardySchnauzer · 11/09/2026 11:51

I’m not sure why it makes a difference if it is a single party or a joint party tbh

eta I loved a joint party because otherwise every weekend is taken up by a party!!

Edited

Yup, I read it as the parents doing you a favour and saving you the other three parties!

Four children in my class had a joint party before Christmas once and the parents asked everyone to bring a generic gift and each child (of those invited) took one home - no party bags. I thought that was a fun idea.

Newname26 · 12/09/2026 22:03

Tbh I'd be very tempted to do a fiver in each card.
I'm useless at coming up with ideas that doesn't become cupboard clutter. My own kids end up with far too much stuff.

So cash they can get something they really want

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 21:52

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 19:06

I didn't say anything to suggest I'd give a more expensive gift for more expensive party. I'm saying my budget goes so far and four parties in a day or 7 in a month mean I'll likely spend less on each than if we'd had half that number to buy for. It's not that difficult to understand really.

I also think most parents would understand that and don't go keeping tabs on how much people have spent on gifts for their child.

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no one is keeping tab, you are the one asking the question, people are answering you!

I always bought presents for these parties in the sales, cheaper and the kids get better gifts.

I am just puzzled by the attitude, all these posters resentful that "parents save money" (you don't even know if that's true or not, some joint parties cost a lot more than having a few kids at home for a "home party))
so mustn't spend anything on gifts. Very odd.

MrsKateColumbo · 12/09/2026 21:29

Agree @thisismeithinkorisit , I only had a joint party when DD specifically asked for one, i was just very grateful hahaha

thisismeithinkorisit · 12/09/2026 19:07

abbynabby23 · 12/09/2026 09:27

I’m sure all four of those kids would have had a birthday party that month anyway. Let’s be honest, I doubt any parent would have skipped their own child’s party just because another kid was having one. So I actually think it’s quite smart that they’re joining them together — you only have to go to one party instead of four separate ones, which saves everyone time.

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but that's a crap deal for the kids who enjoy the party
joint party benefits the parents, not the kids.

thisismeithinkorisit · 12/09/2026 19:06

WhySoManySocks · 11/09/2026 11:53

I think it does make a difference because the parents of the party kids save a lot on costs, and OP's child only gets to experience one party. £40 is insane.

exactly. whilst you don't give to receive etc., in reality the gift is in "exchange" for a couple of hours at soft play, cake, pizza; or a magician; or a disco or whatever else is planned.

instead parents are sensibly saving 75% of the party costs, the kids only get to have one party. it's also possible you wouldn't have been invited to all 4 parties - different firnedshop groups etc

so I'd absolutely buy for everyone but I would have to cut the cloth accordingly.

Original poster

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 19:06

DailyPlanner · 12/09/2026 14:13

I wasn't attacking you personally, it was a general comment over the outrage about birthday parties.

My point about the price of gifts stand. You don't have to attend of course, but if you do, it's normal to buy a gift for each child. Weird to price the gift depending on the actual party.

I don't agree with the "quid pro quo". it wouldn't occur to most people to give a cheap gift for a party at home, and a more expensive one for an expensive venue. It's still just a party, not a whole weekend away all expenses paid

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I didn't say anything to suggest I'd give a more expensive gift for more expensive party. I'm saying my budget goes so far and four parties in a day or 7 in a month mean I'll likely spend less on each than if we'd had half that number to buy for. It's not that difficult to understand really.

I also think most parents would understand that and don't go keeping tabs on how much people have spent on gifts for their child.

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Grumpyoldcat · 12/09/2026 19:04

Stick a fiver in with the card and a bag of sweets for each.

suburburban · 12/09/2026 19:02

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 12/09/2026 12:03

That might be your reason. It's not mine!

If I couldn't go to the party I wouldn't buy a gift so the reason for the gift is going to the party...

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Yes exactly