AIBU to find my MIL’s constant need for praise irritating?

In my 20s I had a boyfriend who used to nudge me to laugh when he thought his dad had said something funny. Fucking irritating.

You dont have to say anything, you can just nod and make affirming noises

But equally dont you show any interest, I would be asking how the growing season is, how the weather has been, what recipes are made with the food etc etc. But then Im interested in things like that

MIL does the praise-seeking thing but about herself. She’s a bit of a bore. I can see why you are irritated by yours.

Just what I was thinking!

Christ how boring.
What are her achievements in life or hobbys apart from having kids.

Ask her to tell you a joke or a funny story.

Is she actually seeking praise or is that your perception? It sounds like she is just chatting to you about what the family have been up to. My MIL would tell me what BILs & SILs and grandchildren had been doing because she saw them more often than us - isn't that just normal conversation in families?

I think the issue here is that she’s expecting you to praise her family but never compliments you.

Her double standard must be grating. Can you avoid her? How often do you see her? You shouldn’t be exposed to this behaviour.

She's just making conversation, she probably says things about you that youve done to them!

I agree. It would be worth asking all the others that she constantly seeks praise for if she does the same about you - "Have you seen how CleoRio has landscaped her garden/got that promotion she went for/her little one can ride a bike now etc. If she does then I wouldn't worry about it, but if not it may be something to raise with her.

Some people aren't intelligent enough to talk about anything other than other people. And yes, it’s dull.

I think you probably are being U @CleoRio33. You haven’t said how old she is but assume 80ish?

Atul Gawande in his book Being Mortal (about end of life and death) observed that our lives shrink as we get old, we care about less and care more about our loved ones, here and passed. Our family. That’s all. Because that’s all that tends to matter most to most people towards the end. It’s a common phenomenon to most human beings across different cultures, countries and socioeconomic groups.

She is talking about what she cares about. Maybe you can ask her to talk about to her more mundane less important to her things like climate change, the rise of the populist right and AI. But her children are what she cares about. And she is only trying to converse with you! A little bit of graciousness and patience could go a long way here. Hope the above gives you a slightly different perspective- and Being Mortal is a great book if you haven’t read it 🤗

I think perhaps it’s just her brain commentary out loud? I’ve noticed with family as they get older or perhaps more lonely that there’s more of this kind of chat. It can be frustrating but I generally nod and smile.

You have my sympathies OP. I have similar with my DP’s mother. It is as you say their particular family dynamic. Unfortunately it has has led to all of the adult children seeking validation constantly. They are childlike in their need for it and its exhausting and extremely irritating when its all the time.

I agree, this is just her starting conversation and using it as an opportunity to lavish her love on her kids.

Source: I have the same background as you and my DP has a family such as you describe (although maybe a little less than your MIL)
I bask in the warm glow of it to be honest - I think its really sweet. Not saying there arent downsides! I dont necessarily think my own family needs to change, but I look at it less like them giving compliments and more like them wanting to show each other that they 'see' and appreciate each other as whole people, rather than just 'i love you because you are my son' which honestly my family does feel a bit like sometimes! But my DPs family seem genuinely interested in each other as people, as opposed to polite curiosity about basic facts because 'family'? If that makes sense.

I do get we are all different though! Does she bother you in other ways?

I'd just smile and say 'yeah' and then change the subject. If she asks about why you aren't fawning with her you can just say it's lovely she's so proud but your family brought you up differently and you find high praise to be a bit awkward so you don't engage in it much, but it doesn't mean you don't agree or are unhappy with her for doing it even if you are.

My MIL would do this and took zero interest in my life or that of our DC. If your MIL shows a genuine interest/concern/pride for what is happening in your life I'd let it go but if she doesn't I'd go LC. I did this and, fortunately, my DH understood so it was a problem-free solution.

Isn’t it rather a mother’s job to support her children beyond what other people might consider reasonable?

I mean, that’s the whole point of mums isn’t it!

It seems harmless behaviour, even if a bit irritating.

She's your MIL - it's what they do - is it just the one thing she does that annoys you - think yourself lucky 🙄 Does she praise your DH to you?

My MIL used to praise my DH to me and I believed her - if only she knew, either she didn't or she was a liar covering up what she didn't want me to uncover - what she tried so hard to hide.

My sister does the same about her grown up kids - she has no life and spends her time being manipulated and covering up for them - it's boring 🙄

Have you ever thought she may be praising you to the others ? At least she sounds a very positive person

Do you understand the concept of conversation?

@CleoRio33 Repeat the same answer every time in a blank voice, like "I'll send them a card."

My elderly mother in law is very similar. I've switched to neutral acknowledgement and changing the subject where needs be. It can be grating. I had to stop myself from laughing recently when she kept praising my husband about the kitchen pedal bin he'd bought her. The height,:the colour, how neatly the liner fits and the ease of the lid - he reaĺly is the cleverest of clever don't you know!!

Don't forget menopausal brain fog and the early onset dementia!