AIBU to find my MIL’s constant need for praise irritating?

My late mother in law was like this but she was just making conversation and the longest she lasted without talking was about 15 seconds!
I would give anything to have her sitting in my living room talking "rubbish" again. 😥

She’s not ‘just making conversation’ though.

Making conversation would be: “have you seen Abi’s vegetable patch? They’ve really make a great job of it. She’s had marrows and a whole load of potatoes and summer veg. Amazing really, when you consider they only started in June…”

Begging praise is like “hasn’t Abi done well with her vegetable patch? Don’t you think she’s really clever? We’ve had loads of potatoes and marrows and summer veg. That really speaks about how amazing she is don’t you agree?”

It’s coercing op to agree and praise and not letting op have an opinion of her own about it.

First post nails it as usual.

IMO, the world gets smaller for people, as they get older. They have aches and pains, and get tired more quickly.

We notice it in our late 60s. Once we get an injury, it always causes twinges from time to time.

MIL is just making conversation. My DD2 is neurodivergent and can’t see the point of small talk at all. She believes in functional communication. However, she recognises other people expect it, and so she goes along with it. If I were you, I’d do that with MIL. It’s better than negativity!

Yeah see, even more I get the impression she's trying to encourage you to join in conversations and be nice.

It sounds like maybe a you problem from how you were raised. It's nice that they're nice to eachother. I don't see they have a constant need for praise, she's not whining because no one noticed her vegetable patch and praised her on it. They're not vying for attention and praise, they're praising eachother and noticing each others hardwork.

That's quite healthy and nice to see. Maybe your own upbringing wasn't quite as healthy as you'd like to think?

It sounds like she's being really nice, she's including you, updating you on everyones lives, talking about everyone nicely, not bitching, complaining, gossiping.

Maybe she feels like you need a little encouragement to be nice OP 😬maybe she feels like you don't notice or ask about anyone so she's doing the legwork for you to keep you in the family or maybe she just likes talking about people nicely. What would you rather talk about ?

YANBU op. I hate being ‘prompted’ to join in with praise I wouldn’t have otherwise given freely. It is annoying - like someone jabbing you in the arm and saying ‘agree with me’.

I don’t know what you can do about though. Try to be less sensitive to it? A set response like ‘yeah I don’t really have an opinion Carol but I can why you’d be proud’.

And suddenly I’m expected to get involved and enthusiastically admire something I probably wouldn’t have given a second thought to otherwise.

Why do you think that’s the expectation? As it sounds like she’s just making conversation.

This was my thought.

I think she's just making conversation. My mother tells me all sorts about people (who I don't know) like I know them personally and expects an opinion from me.
She may be telling family about you and things you've done too.
I think at that age, when (I'm assuming) retired they don't have anything else to talk about like work so they talk about other people and what is going on in their lives.
I couldn't get worked up about it to be honest.

If adult kids are in their 50s presumably she is in her 70s or older. In my experience people lose some of their social awareness in their final decades of life i.e. tend to become more self centred in conversation. i’m sure not everyone is like that of course but I have definitely noticed it over the years. The conversation is about either their own family or their aches pains and physical ailments. So she doesn’t really sound surprising.
It’s more of a question as to why that irritates you that much. Do you really dislike her, generally?

The DC your MIL is talking about are also your family. Are you not interested in them? If she was constantly telling you about Barbara at her book club etc. it might be vaguely dull, but a lot of people (most, apart from on here) do care about family.
I am sure she tells them your accomplishments.

I was raised quite differently, I don’t need the constant praise and validation You might have liked it if you'd ever had it!

Your MIL expresses her appreciation openly and that makes you uncomfortable due to your upbringing.

This is a you issue.

Even if she's a bit predictable and proud, does it harm you in any way to look at a garden and say something nice in reply?

Your antipathy towards this is making me wonder what caused the chip on your shoulder.

Don't forget menopausal brain fog and the early onset dementia!

My elderly mother in law is very similar. I've switched to neutral acknowledgement and changing the subject where needs be. It can be grating. I had to stop myself from laughing recently when she kept praising my husband about the kitchen pedal bin he'd bought her. The height,:the colour, how neatly the liner fits and the ease of the lid - he reaĺly is the cleverest of clever don't you know!!

@CleoRio33 Repeat the same answer every time in a blank voice, like "I'll send them a card."

Do you understand the concept of conversation?

Have you ever thought she may be praising you to the others ? At least she sounds a very positive person

She's your MIL - it's what they do - is it just the one thing she does that annoys you - think yourself lucky 🙄 Does she praise your DH to you?

My MIL used to praise my DH to me and I believed her - if only she knew, either she didn't or she was a liar covering up what she didn't want me to uncover - what she tried so hard to hide.

My sister does the same about her grown up kids - she has no life and spends her time being manipulated and covering up for them - it's boring 🙄

Isn’t it rather a mother’s job to support her children beyond what other people might consider reasonable?

I mean, that’s the whole point of mums isn’t it!

It seems harmless behaviour, even if a bit irritating.

My MIL would do this and took zero interest in my life or that of our DC. If your MIL shows a genuine interest/concern/pride for what is happening in your life I'd let it go but if she doesn't I'd go LC. I did this and, fortunately, my DH understood so it was a problem-free solution.

I'd just smile and say 'yeah' and then change the subject. If she asks about why you aren't fawning with her you can just say it's lovely she's so proud but your family brought you up differently and you find high praise to be a bit awkward so you don't engage in it much, but it doesn't mean you don't agree or are unhappy with her for doing it even if you are.

I agree, this is just her starting conversation and using it as an opportunity to lavish her love on her kids.

Source: I have the same background as you and my DP has a family such as you describe (although maybe a little less than your MIL)
I bask in the warm glow of it to be honest - I think its really sweet. Not saying there arent downsides! I dont necessarily think my own family needs to change, but I look at it less like them giving compliments and more like them wanting to show each other that they 'see' and appreciate each other as whole people, rather than just 'i love you because you are my son' which honestly my family does feel a bit like sometimes! But my DPs family seem genuinely interested in each other as people, as opposed to polite curiosity about basic facts because 'family'? If that makes sense.

I do get we are all different though! Does she bother you in other ways?