AIBU to find my MIL’s constant need for praise irritating?

You have my sympathies OP. I have similar with my DP’s mother. It is as you say their particular family dynamic. Unfortunately it has has led to all of the adult children seeking validation constantly. They are childlike in their need for it and its exhausting and extremely irritating when its all the time.

I think perhaps it’s just her brain commentary out loud? I’ve noticed with family as they get older or perhaps more lonely that there’s more of this kind of chat. It can be frustrating but I generally nod and smile.

I think you probably are being U @CleoRio33. You haven’t said how old she is but assume 80ish?

Atul Gawande in his book Being Mortal (about end of life and death) observed that our lives shrink as we get old, we care about less and care more about our loved ones, here and passed. Our family. That’s all. Because that’s all that tends to matter most to most people towards the end. It’s a common phenomenon to most human beings across different cultures, countries and socioeconomic groups.

She is talking about what she cares about. Maybe you can ask her to talk about to her more mundane less important to her things like climate change, the rise of the populist right and AI. But her children are what she cares about. And she is only trying to converse with you! A little bit of graciousness and patience could go a long way here. Hope the above gives you a slightly different perspective- and Being Mortal is a great book if you haven’t read it 🤗

Some people aren't intelligent enough to talk about anything other than other people. And yes, it’s dull.

I agree. It would be worth asking all the others that she constantly seeks praise for if she does the same about you - "Have you seen how CleoRio has landscaped her garden/got that promotion she went for/her little one can ride a bike now etc. If she does then I wouldn't worry about it, but if not it may be something to raise with her.

She's just making conversation, she probably says things about you that youve done to them!

I think the issue here is that she’s expecting you to praise her family but never compliments you.

Her double standard must be grating. Can you avoid her? How often do you see her? You shouldn’t be exposed to this behaviour.

Is she actually seeking praise or is that your perception? It sounds like she is just chatting to you about what the family have been up to. My MIL would tell me what BILs & SILs and grandchildren had been doing because she saw them more often than us - isn't that just normal conversation in families?

Christ how boring.
What are her achievements in life or hobbys apart from having kids.

Ask her to tell you a joke or a funny story.

Just what I was thinking!

MIL does the praise-seeking thing but about herself. She’s a bit of a bore. I can see why you are irritated by yours.

You dont have to say anything, you can just nod and make affirming noises

But equally dont you show any interest, I would be asking how the growing season is, how the weather has been, what recipes are made with the food etc etc. But then Im interested in things like that

In my 20s I had a boyfriend who used to nudge me to laugh when he thought his dad had said something funny. Fucking irritating.

😂

Yep. This.

What do you talk to her about? Can you ask her for her opinion on something, or give your thoughts and ask her if she agrees?
She probably doesn’t have much else to talk about, so talks about or you both know.
Perhaps ask her if she believes in aliens or ever wanted to be a Russian spy; you might have a more interesting chat.

Yes it sounds a bit annoying. I have a cleaner who is constantly pointing out the absolutely Norman, standard things she’s done and I have to thank effusively about each and every one. It’s a bit tiring so I do get where you’re coming from but try to think about it a different way and be generous about it yourself rather than wanting it to stop or it’ll just grate more and more

Honestly? I think if this is all it takes for you to be so irritated you need to post about it, you need to get some perspective.
No one is perfect. We all have traits that irritate other people. You will have ones that annoy her I'm sure.
However unless we want to spend our lives in a state of constant annoyance or waste time plotting how best to annoy back people who annoy us, worsening our relationships in the process, we accept that people's irritating traits are not about us and we don't have to be perpetually poised to take offence.

I agree with others, she's just trying to make conversation with you, trying to find a connection. What do you talk to her about, or do you sit mutely and try to ignore her?

If her kids are in their 50s then she’s at least in her 70s if not 80s. Perhaps at that age her children are now her focus and that’s what she’s got to talk about? What do you contribute to the conversation? Steer her away into talking about other things. Or, just go along with it as really how hard it it to make an elderly woman happy?

It's just boring small talk, isn't it? What topics of conversation do you initiate with her?

I think it is just conversation tbh - she is saying what is in her own head as important stuff. But I can see how it could be a bit annoying as my lovely MIL does it a fair bit too. I adore her but it is sometimes irritating. My favourite one was when she said a year or so after BIL married "oh Pallisers isn't it great, SIL X has changed her name to ours" and then realising that actually I hadn't changed my name (genuinely don't think she had a problem with that at all) and it might fall with a bit of a thud. I just smiled.

I think it's just conversation too. OK maybe not top level conversation that's going to win gold in the conversation Olympics, but talking about things going on with your family is pretty normal. She has a positive attitude which is nice, I'd rather that than complaining. Just bring up some different topics if you find that boring.