Page 8 | Aibu by being upset about dd's treatment by football club

Ceceprincess80 · 2026-09-06T21:13:07+00:00

My daughter has played football since she was 4 years old. She has played for 3 different teams and has ended up playing in goal which she likes. She is now 13, almost 14. There has been a change in coach and a new girl has been drafted in as another goalkeeper and my daughter told she now needs to share playing time. The coach waited till after we had paid the registration fees for this season before saying anything. They initially wanted them to spilt each game and we said no as we didnt want to travel to the faraway games or 40 miles for 30 mins playing time and could they do 1 game on and 1 game off. The team played a friendly this week and my daughter did well and made some good saves. The other goalkeeper let in 3 goals and gave a penalty away because she pushed the striker over. My daughter ended the game upset and frustrated that this player has been added to the squad and she is not particularly good. We asked our daughter what she wanted to do? She doesn't want to play with the team anymore. Its so sad as she loves some of the defending girls in her team but she feels so sad and upset she can not stay. I feel cross and sad for her. Am I being unreasonable if I complain about her treatment and get the registration fees refunded?

Notquitethetruth · 12/09/2026 14:06

Ceceprincess80 · 12/09/2026 07:22

Gosh yes but in this particular situation a lot of issues could have been solved early on if they had mentioned any of the changes. More girls are looking for new clubs and other clubs in the division are quite happy as the players are all good. The club has refunded the training costs and registration fees now. The newish coach saw me in the supermarket last night and when I said hi was quite rude that DD had left.

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Proving you made the right decision. Chickens coming home to roost. New coach should have come in assessed how things were and introduced changes gradually following consultantion

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 09:00

Notquitethetruth · 12/09/2026 14:06

Proving you made the right decision. Chickens coming home to roost. New coach should have come in assessed how things were and introduced changes gradually following consultantion

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Following a consultation with who? Coaches are volunteers and have every right to run their team as they see fit.
I bet everyone criticising the coachs decision, which is a common one, lots of teams have 2 goalies, wouldn't stand up and take a team on themselves.

Original poster

Ceceprincess80 · 13/09/2026 17:07

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 09:00

Following a consultation with who? Coaches are volunteers and have every right to run their team as they see fit.
I bet everyone criticising the coachs decision, which is a common one, lots of teams have 2 goalies, wouldn't stand up and take a team on themselves.

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I would but I don't think I could do my fa coaching badges in the time needed. A mum stepped up to run an extra team for my daughters previous club as there were so many girls who wanted to play and they gave her a squad of 24 girls and expected her to learn to be a coach and make the team competitive. She has had little support from the club and players have left.and she has 12 left. 1 sub a week and 1.goalkeeper. the club have told her after 4 years of hard graft they will fold at the end of the season if she doesn't get the team performing. I think thats awful for those girls and that coach. Support goes both ways I suppose

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Wingingit73 · 13/09/2026 17:25

You've got an opportunity to help her build some resilience here. Its a team so surely there are subs etc seems absolutely reasonable

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 17:27

Ceceprincess80 · 13/09/2026 17:07

I would but I don't think I could do my fa coaching badges in the time needed. A mum stepped up to run an extra team for my daughters previous club as there were so many girls who wanted to play and they gave her a squad of 24 girls and expected her to learn to be a coach and make the team competitive. She has had little support from the club and players have left.and she has 12 left. 1 sub a week and 1.goalkeeper. the club have told her after 4 years of hard graft they will fold at the end of the season if she doesn't get the team performing. I think thats awful for those girls and that coach. Support goes both ways I suppose

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This is how it is though, clubs are run by volunteers. Everyone is just doing their best.

Original poster

Ceceprincess80 · 13/09/2026 20:45

Wingingit73 · 13/09/2026 17:25

You've got an opportunity to help her build some resilience here. Its a team so surely there are subs etc seems absolutely reasonable

Goalkeepers need game time and she is having that halved so she is off to a club who can give her whole games. Its not the same as outfield players.

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Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 20:51

Ceceprincess80 · 13/09/2026 20:45

Goalkeepers need game time and she is having that halved so she is off to a club who can give her whole games. Its not the same as outfield players.

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I think you are wrong. Goal keepers don't need special treatment and this attitude is probably not helping your daughters attitude
There is nothing wrong with having 2 goal keepers and have half a game each. My son's team has had that for the last few seasons and there have been no issues at all.
You are just coming across as entitled.

Original poster

Ceceprincess80 · 13/09/2026 21:49

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 20:51

I think you are wrong. Goal keepers don't need special treatment and this attitude is probably not helping your daughters attitude
There is nothing wrong with having 2 goal keepers and have half a game each. My son's team has had that for the last few seasons and there have been no issues at all.
You are just coming across as entitled.

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Well, I have had a lot of advice and spoken to some different coaches and lots disagree when it comes to goal keepers so it has worked for your sons team, it has not worked with my daughter's. Last count they have now 6 players leave due to the new coach and 2 more weighing up their options. I do not think you have read all thru the updates etc as it gives a more rounded picture. Apparently her old team played this weekend and lost against a team they won against 4-0 last season, rhe coach was screaming at the girls that they were disappointments and that the new goalkeeper was useless; lots of very unhappy parents now. My daughter is better off out of it, I think. I don't think you would think this behaviour by the coach is acceptable.

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Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 22:39

@Ceceprincess80 whilst I agree with your pp that its not how a coach should behave, my comments were based entirely in your statement that goalies shouldn't share game time as they are different to outfield. That's a very entitled point of view.

OpalShimmer · 14/09/2026 02:23

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 22:39

@Ceceprincess80 whilst I agree with your pp that its not how a coach should behave, my comments were based entirely in your statement that goalies shouldn't share game time as they are different to outfield. That's a very entitled point of view.

No, that’s your opinion that it’s a “very entitled” point of view. In the same way it’s the OP’s opinion that their daughter doesn’t need to stay in a 50/50 GK team if she doesn’t want to.

So instead they’ve chosen to go to another team where she is able to stand up for what she believes in. That is not entitlement, it is demonstrating that she knows her worth which is a valuable life skill to learn and act on.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 14/09/2026 04:44

Keepoffmyartichokes · 12/09/2026 07:08

Please be kind to the coaches, they are volunteers in great roots and as the wife of one I see the hours they put in each week on top of their jobs and family life.
It's a significant amount of time and they can't please everyone

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My DH did coaching for a few years and some of the parents were awful. Like you say they don't get paid and give up their free time, not just when the team is playing either, and then get moaned at.
DH stopped last year because he couldn't take the complaining anymore.
I think you were lucky to get your money back OP but you did so hopefully your DD will be happy in a new team.

Original poster

Ceceprincess80 · 14/09/2026 06:13

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/09/2026 22:39

@Ceceprincess80 whilst I agree with your pp that its not how a coach should behave, my comments were based entirely in your statement that goalies shouldn't share game time as they are different to outfield. That's a very entitled point of view.

Then we disagree.
My daughter wants game time so she has moved. The team seems to be wobbling and thats down to the new coach. Its not entitled, it called decision making. I think the main thing for me would be, why keep her somewhere, where she is so unhappy.

OP posts:

Blushingm · 14/09/2026 06:31

If she played another position it wouldn’t be any different. You can’t expect another player to be excluded because your daughter wants to play

pilates · 14/09/2026 06:51

Perhaps the team will fold as they haven’t got your daughter as goalkeeper? I’m sure that would please you. 😳

Mulledjuice · 14/09/2026 06:57

GasPanic · 07/09/2026 10:07

Maybe. Who knows. But if that is the experience she wants then who would discourage her from going for it ?

I don't think her attitude is poor. I think its fine. She wants to be in a team that is focussed on being the best and plays the best players.

Just because she believes she should play because she is the best doesn't mean she believes that she should get time if she is second best.

Her ethos might be that the best players should play whatever. And if that is case then this isn't the team for her. There is nothing wrong with either her attitude or the team ethos. It's just that they aren't compatible and she needs to go somewhere else.

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and when she does she had better never be ill or injured.

pinkfondu · 14/09/2026 07:01

I’m a Goalie mum and an only goalie on the team. When DD got concussion in the middle of a game she fault she had no choice but to continue as there was no back up.

remember you can swap teams. If you don’t know who else is swapping into it either

Keepoffmyartichokes · 14/09/2026 07:32

OpalShimmer · 14/09/2026 02:23

No, that’s your opinion that it’s a “very entitled” point of view. In the same way it’s the OP’s opinion that their daughter doesn’t need to stay in a 50/50 GK team if she doesn’t want to.

So instead they’ve chosen to go to another team where she is able to stand up for what she believes in. That is not entitlement, it is demonstrating that she knows her worth which is a valuable life skill to learn and act on.

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Knowing your worth is knowing your value in a team setting and knowing that you are as important as everyone else, it is not thinking you are the most important player on that team and you should be the only one to not share game time. That is entitlement.

OpalShimmer · 16/09/2026 07:29

Keepoffmyartichokes · 14/09/2026 07:32

Knowing your worth is knowing your value in a team setting and knowing that you are as important as everyone else, it is not thinking you are the most important player on that team and you should be the only one to not share game time. That is entitlement.

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Where has anyone said she thinks she is the most important player on the team?

You’re making things up in attempt to (poorly) strengthen your point.

She had a choice and between her and her parents, they made that choice. No child needs to stay where they are no longer wanted if that is how they feel.

If that is the bar you would set for your child, then that’s your prerogative, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to agree with your opinion, nor that your opinion is right.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 16/09/2026 09:09

OpalShimmer · 16/09/2026 07:29

Where has anyone said she thinks she is the most important player on the team?

You’re making things up in attempt to (poorly) strengthen your point.

She had a choice and between her and her parents, they made that choice. No child needs to stay where they are no longer wanted if that is how they feel.

If that is the bar you would set for your child, then that’s your prerogative, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to agree with your opinion, nor that your opinion is right.

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I am really not making things up. She thinks she shouldn't be substituted and should get a full match every match but it's ok for outfield players to be substituted as goalies are different. That's simply not true. Yes goalies are different as their skill is niche so surely that is more reason to have a sub goalie as it's not fair to ask an outfield player to step up to be in goal if needed.
My point is no one player on a football team at thus level is more important than anyone else on that team.
We see it plenty kids moving teams constantly as they don't get enough games time when they are being treat the same as everyone else on the team.
What usually happens is the child suffers as they don't make friends or bond because they are constantly moving teams for something better.

MilkBreadToiletroll · 16/09/2026 13:00

This is slightly off the point but when my DS was the only GK in the team, it really made things difficult. He actually wanted to move teams but didn't feel able to as they'd be without a GK and the outfield players didn't like being in goals. When one of the team started to go in goals, that gave him the reassurance that he could join the team he wanted to without leaving his previous team in a tricky position.

OpalShimmer · 16/09/2026 23:14

Keepoffmyartichokes · 16/09/2026 09:09

I am really not making things up. She thinks she shouldn't be substituted and should get a full match every match but it's ok for outfield players to be substituted as goalies are different. That's simply not true. Yes goalies are different as their skill is niche so surely that is more reason to have a sub goalie as it's not fair to ask an outfield player to step up to be in goal if needed.
My point is no one player on a football team at thus level is more important than anyone else on that team.
We see it plenty kids moving teams constantly as they don't get enough games time when they are being treat the same as everyone else on the team.
What usually happens is the child suffers as they don't make friends or bond because they are constantly moving teams for something better.

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“My point is no one player on a football team at thus (sic) level is more important than anyone else on that team.”

Nobody said she was.

“We see it plenty kids moving teams constantly as they don't get enough game time when they are being treat (sic) the same as everyone else on the team.”

Yet the OP stated in her opening post that their daughter had been in 3 teams in almost 10 years. That’s not constantly moving teams is it?

As I’ve already said, if you’d be happy with 50% game time for your child then that’s your prerogative but that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to agree with your opinion, nor that your opinion is right.

I won’t be replying to you any more as I don’t believe there is anything additional to add. I’m good with your viewpoint being different to mine.

Best of luck with your child’s football 👍🏻