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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu by being upset about dd's treatment by football club

196 replies

Ceceprincess80 · 06/09/2026 22:13

My daughter has played football since she was 4 years old. She has played for 3 different teams and has ended up playing in goal which she likes. She is now 13, almost 14. There has been a change in coach and a new girl has been drafted in as another goalkeeper and my daughter told she now needs to share playing time. The coach waited till after we had paid the registration fees for this season before saying anything. They initially wanted them to spilt each game and we said no as we didnt want to travel to the faraway games or 40 miles for 30 mins playing time and could they do 1 game on and 1 game off. The team played a friendly this week and my daughter did well and made some good saves. The other goalkeeper let in 3 goals and gave a penalty away because she pushed the striker over. My daughter ended the game upset and frustrated that this player has been added to the squad and she is not particularly good. We asked our daughter what she wanted to do? She doesn't want to play with the team anymore. Its so sad as she loves some of the defending girls in her team but she feels so sad and upset she can not stay. I feel cross and sad for her. Am I being unreasonable if I complain about her treatment and get the registration fees refunded?

OP posts:
BeGoneUterus · 08/09/2026 20:02

There isn’t a set amount of registered players per team from the FA. There is a maximum squad size that can attend each game.

Fieldday26 · 08/09/2026 20:12

Ceceprincess80 · 08/09/2026 18:31

Wow, is it 16? My daughter's team had grown to 21 but I suppose some might be reserve players but they all played in the league last year so I am really confused.

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It’s definitely not 16 at 11 a side. Our team had 21 signed on at one point. We’re now down to 17 which is a much more manageable number.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 08/09/2026 21:37

@Fieldday26 and @BeGoneUterus it's not decided at FA level it depends on the league. In our league it's a max squad size of 16 at U14. You can have more training but only 16 can be registered to play

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/09/2026 23:14

Fieldday26 · 08/09/2026 20:12

It’s definitely not 16 at 11 a side. Our team had 21 signed on at one point. We’re now down to 17 which is a much more manageable number.

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My sons league you can put max 22 on the playing list for the day (different football) so this year they had a big list so 2 players rostered off a game and a bench of 4.

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 00:37

Keepoffmyartichokes · 08/09/2026 16:43

Why should they say no? What if the first goalie is ill, injured then they are left without a goalie. It's easy to say use a defender but then you are an outfield player short and some teams can struggle for subs some weeks.
Secondly coaches don't collect players, there are strict rules around how many can sign for a team. It's 16 at U14. Trust me coaches who are volunteers don't sign kids so the club has more money..

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@Keepoffmyartichokes is that not the number they can take to a match? I think there can be more registered. My son’s current team has over 20.

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 00:39

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 08/09/2026 15:57

Not actually true - FA rules limit the amount of registered players per team so they aren't 'collecting' kids.

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@Itsbeenalongtimeincoming I think the limits are for the number you can take to a game, not how many you can have in the squad.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 09/09/2026 07:21

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 00:37

@Keepoffmyartichokes is that not the number they can take to a match? I think there can be more registered. My son’s current team has over 20.

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No on our league you can only have 16 registered as players all of who can go to a match. You can have more training but they can't be officially registered as part of the team and you can't pick them for matches. I'm actually pleased I would hate my husband to have 20 players and then have to pick who doesn't go to the match that weekend. They would be heartbroken.

TruffleSlinky · 09/09/2026 08:26

In my DS's last team they used to spin a wheel to see who didn't go to the match that week.

Edited to add that the goalie was exempt from this as they only had one!

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 09/09/2026 11:54

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 00:39

@Itsbeenalongtimeincoming I think the limits are for the number you can take to a game, not how many you can have in the squad.

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No, limits on named players on the squad to ensure kids get playing time and even minutes.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 09/09/2026 15:03

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 09/09/2026 11:54

No, limits on named players on the squad to ensure kids get playing time and even minutes.

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Same here. It makes me sad to think of kids working hard in training and then being told they are not allowed to play in the match.

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 09/09/2026 15:14

Keepoffmyartichokes · 09/09/2026 07:21

No on our league you can only have 16 registered as players all of who can go to a match. You can have more training but they can't be officially registered as part of the team and you can't pick them for matches. I'm actually pleased I would hate my husband to have 20 players and then have to pick who doesn't go to the match that weekend. They would be heartbroken.

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Exactly right - FA rules - training can be thousands (not actually) but squad is limited.

Bzr · 09/09/2026 15:24

David Raya is arguably the best goal keeper in the world. He didn’t play a minute in the World Cup. He was there because a team needs more than one goalie. Your daughter is wrong and you are enabling this

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 17:11

Bzr · 09/09/2026 15:24

David Raya is arguably the best goal keeper in the world. He didn’t play a minute in the World Cup. He was there because a team needs more than one goalie. Your daughter is wrong and you are enabling this

@Bzr there's nothing wrong with leaving a team (or any activity) because you're not getting what you want from it. David Raya will have been paid a lot to sit on the bench. OP is paying for her daughter to sit on the bench. Kids leave teams all the time if they're not getting enough game time.

Anarchy99 · 09/09/2026 17:12

Keepoffmyartichokes · 09/09/2026 15:03

Same here. It makes me sad to think of kids working hard in training and then being told they are not allowed to play in the match.

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Isn’t that team spirit though? Doing what is best for the team not the individual? I thought that was the whole point of doing stuff like that.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 09/09/2026 18:56

Anarchy99 · 09/09/2026 17:12

Isn’t that team spirit though? Doing what is best for the team not the individual? I thought that was the whole point of doing stuff like that.

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How is having more kids than you can take to a match in the best interest of the team. My son's team has 16 which is the maximum they can have, 11 players and 5 subs is more than enough. All the kids know they are guaranteed game time that weekend, no one is left out. They have great team spirit, are genuine friends and they have won a league cup and won their league last year so it's not doing them any harm. Grassroots football for kids isn't just about football, it's them getting fit, having fun with their mates, learning team spirit. Not working hard at training then being told your not good enough for the match that week.

Bzr · 09/09/2026 18:59

BerryTwister · 09/09/2026 17:11

@Bzr there's nothing wrong with leaving a team (or any activity) because you're not getting what you want from it. David Raya will have been paid a lot to sit on the bench. OP is paying for her daughter to sit on the bench. Kids leave teams all the time if they're not getting enough game time.

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no there isn’t but being part of a team is understanding you’re part of a team and that includes not being guaranteed a full game every time. I’ve been around both grassroots and. Academy football for about 17 years and that’s how it works.

is the OP’s DD going to strip off every time she doesn’t get what she wants on a team? Not much of a team player

INeverReallyLovedYouAnyway · 09/09/2026 19:00

You are ridiculous but that seems to be par for the course for many football parents 🙄

nomas · 09/09/2026 19:12

As the fees are paid and probably non-refundable, I would explain to DD that even if they lose a few matches, it's still a great opportunity to practice and learn.

The other girl might get tired of conceding goals and quit. But don't tell DD that.

Bourneyesterday · 09/09/2026 20:28

They need 2 players who can play in goal. The other girl will also need experience. Nobody is guaranteed a whole game. I can see no problem whatsoever with this.

Original poster
Ceceprincess80 · 10/09/2026 19:19

Thanks everyone for your view. I wanted to know what people thought and its interesting. Dd has made some choices and im currently sat on a breezy sideline while she tries out for a new team. The team players have been in and out of goal but no one has wanted to commit since their goalkeeper left a season ago so they are keen. She will be busy and that will keep her happy. She also has another try out for a different team. They have a goalkeeper who they have convinced to stay till they find a new one. So fingers crossed. 2 other players have left her previous team now and after trying to find other places. She is not going to pursue the academy training which is on a friday night.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 11/09/2026 07:51

Sounds like all is working out well. I was one who voted YANBU because I know what it's like supporting a frustrated DC in a team sport.

Original poster
Ceceprincess80 · 12/09/2026 05:48

oviraptor21 · 11/09/2026 07:51

Sounds like all is working out well. I was one who voted YANBU because I know what it's like supporting a frustrated DC in a team sport.

Thank you. Its been an interesting week and I just wish coaches and clubs communicated better and were transparent

OP posts:
Keepoffmyartichokes · 12/09/2026 07:08

Ceceprincess80 · 12/09/2026 05:48

Thank you. Its been an interesting week and I just wish coaches and clubs communicated better and were transparent

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Please be kind to the coaches, they are volunteers in great roots and as the wife of one I see the hours they put in each week on top of their jobs and family life.
It's a significant amount of time and they can't please everyone

Original poster
Ceceprincess80 · 12/09/2026 07:22

Keepoffmyartichokes · 12/09/2026 07:08

Please be kind to the coaches, they are volunteers in great roots and as the wife of one I see the hours they put in each week on top of their jobs and family life.
It's a significant amount of time and they can't please everyone

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Gosh yes but in this particular situation a lot of issues could have been solved early on if they had mentioned any of the changes. More girls are looking for new clubs and other clubs in the division are quite happy as the players are all good. The club has refunded the training costs and registration fees now. The newish coach saw me in the supermarket last night and when I said hi was quite rude that DD had left.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceceprincess80 · 12/09/2026 07:23

Ceceprincess80 · 07/09/2026 11:43

Thanks everyone. She is not having a temper tantrum, she is disappointed. They play 7v7 so the team has decided to leave an outfield player off as well as there has been so many complaints about players and families travelling miles to play 30 mins or less. One dad went mad. We haven't. The teams in her league do not have more then one goalkeeper. Extra information, is the football club is losing money and is adding in other players to recoup costs.
There is also a lot of quite toxic behaviour from a couple of players, not all, towards other players and it hasn't been address at all. She committed to last season and played even though a player was so horrible to her.
Her game play has been halved without discussion or even knowing.

Thank you for the pathways mention, yes she made it through to the football development pathway for our local city football club. We are Leeds based. I didn't drive so I could not get her to the venue. Ive passed now so have asked her if she wanted to try out again. And she does so we will ask them if they are doing trialing again.

11v11!!! Sorry was too speedy replying and had my DS's team in my head.

OP posts:
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