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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

370 replies

Eralione · Yesterday 15:16

Afternoon,
DH and I have one DS he is 23 (24 in October), a teacher. He has been with his girlfriend since they were 14/15, they broke up briefly around 18/19 for about 4 months and have been together since.

He has just decided to propose and they have told us they plan to get married next summer, she will be 23 and him 24.

We recently used a deed of variation to pass on a large amount of inheritance which they have used to boy a property outright, I believe this is just in DSs name but I’ll be honest I don’t know as the money had nothing to do with us since we used a deed of variation.

Im worried they are far too young to being getting married and it may all end in flames. I don’t understand the hurry. I’m also worried this will compromise our son’s financial position.

AIBU?

OP posts:
gardenflowergirl · Yesterday 18:38

Is this from pressure he may feel from working in an RC or CE school? They can be strict on the morals of their staff due to the code of conduct of a religious school, staff not bringing the school into disrepute by inappropriate behaviour. This can push people into marriage before they're ready.

Atchampsagain · Yesterday 18:37

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MoreIcedLattePlease · Yesterday 18:37

24 is not too young at all! (Said by someone who married at 24... still married 13 years later).

He's an independent adult with a good job and a steady relationship. It's literally none of your business!

pigmygoatsinjumpers · Yesterday 18:37

Eralione · Yesterday 17:23

Music lessons etc, adults, children’s lessons, tutoring more or less but has a PGDE, just never continued to the probation year.

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You've publicly posted an awful lot of information about this couple. It's likely someone might recognise them.

JayJayj · Yesterday 18:36

I was 25 when I married my husband, been together 7, still together now, over 22 years together. If we had the money we would have married earlier. I don’t know why you think your adult son is too young to get married.

babyproblems · Yesterday 18:33

YABU.
you have given the money as a gift. Let it go!!
Be very careful how you behave or you’ll risk alienating your son and his fiancée. They sound very steady so thank your stars for that.
I doubt very much your future DIL is out to get your DS’s money…

HisNibs · Yesterday 18:33

Pherian · Yesterday 18:31

Stop Now or you will be in the shit with your future daughter in law. Learn to mind your own business, respect boundaries and keep your opinions to yourself.

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Yup. OP needs to hope that DiL-to-be isn't on here and recognises the situation.

maddiemookins16mum · Yesterday 18:32

It’s ‘youngish’ these days but good for them. Back in the day it was more ‘unusual’ in my circle not to be married by your mid 20s.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · Yesterday 18:31

FriendlyNPC · Yesterday 18:28

I think it's young as well, but then I've been with my husband since I was 21, we had our first child when I was 26 and married just before I turned 30. So about the same time frame.

I feel hypocritical saying so, but I think it's probably prudent to hold your tongue. Nothing you've said indicates they're not being sensible.

You regret it, that’s why you think it’s too young?

Pherian · Yesterday 18:31

Eralione · Yesterday 15:16

Afternoon,
DH and I have one DS he is 23 (24 in October), a teacher. He has been with his girlfriend since they were 14/15, they broke up briefly around 18/19 for about 4 months and have been together since.

He has just decided to propose and they have told us they plan to get married next summer, she will be 23 and him 24.

We recently used a deed of variation to pass on a large amount of inheritance which they have used to boy a property outright, I believe this is just in DSs name but I’ll be honest I don’t know as the money had nothing to do with us since we used a deed of variation.

Im worried they are far too young to being getting married and it may all end in flames. I don’t understand the hurry. I’m also worried this will compromise our son’s financial position.

AIBU?

Stop Now or you will be in the shit with your future daughter in law. Learn to mind your own business, respect boundaries and keep your opinions to yourself.

RustyBear · Yesterday 18:29

I was 23 and DH 24 when we married. Our 46th wedding anniversary was last May.

FriendlyNPC · Yesterday 18:28

I think it's young as well, but then I've been with my husband since I was 21, we had our first child when I was 26 and married just before I turned 30. So about the same time frame.

I feel hypocritical saying so, but I think it's probably prudent to hold your tongue. Nothing you've said indicates they're not being sensible.

bababamama · Yesterday 18:25

Perfectly normal age, my dd was 25 when she married as was I

Daisywhatsyouranswer · Yesterday 18:25

Sorry why can’t they travel and see the world together, why does being married prevent this?

pimplebum · Yesterday 18:23

23!!!!! No its not kids are bearly out of uni average age is 30

but nothing you can do about it

SodaPopBop · Yesterday 18:19

hotmumshit · Yesterday 17:32

To go and travel and enjoy life and find out who he is

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Is anyone else tired of hearing this sentiment? How miserable are some of you if you stopped enjoying life after being married (and your spouse doesn’t let you travel)?

TakeAnyFormDriveMeMad · Yesterday 18:18

I got married at 23. Still very happily married after 14 years and nearly 20 years together. He isnt too young. I hope they have a long and happy marriage

Atchampsagain · Yesterday 18:17

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Thelittleweasel · Yesterday 18:16

@Eralione

If you're worried about the financial aspects of the house you can get deeds for £7 from land registry. They are public documents

MsPrufrockk · Yesterday 18:15

And yes it does worry me about the 50% of the house would go to her not because I don’t think she’s lovely but because I passed it on to DS, tbh I should have thought it through before I did it but I was grieving and it seemed like the obvious thing to do.

Do you want him to never get married? I don't understand why this is something you're worried about. He's an adult. He's likely to get married at some point, and if that ends in divorce (which is fairly likely looking at divorce rates), they'll be splitting THEIR assets etc.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · Yesterday 18:14

I get it OP. He’s only ever really had 1 GF and is marrying her in his early 20s. I’d be disappointed and concerned about him too. But he’s an adult so all you can do is be there for him and hope it all goes ok.

IStillHearTheWaves · Yesterday 18:14

Its not like he's only just begun the world of work. He must have been working for several years... so its not that wet behind the ears I'm guessing

He's a teacher - he's probably been working around two years, assuming he took the degree and PGCE route.

khakipant · Yesterday 18:12

She sounds like a right cradle-snatching gold digger…. Grin

cookingonwine · Yesterday 18:11

Coffeewinecake · Yesterday 15:20

You can worry but what difference would it make?
What has the deed of variation got to do with the situation? I presume his girlfriend hadn’t been playing the long game since the age of 14 to get her hands on your money.

Love this! Spot on!

Atchampsagain · Yesterday 18:11

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