AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

I was having my second child with DH at that age. We're still together after 20 years. We've built a great life together and he's been the person I can depend on through all the tough times. We've had some rough patches and I have wondered if one of us would've walked away at them points without the commitment we'd made. I'm very pleased we did stick it out, it's definitely paid off.

Younger is not necessarily worse. They are growing together, they’re also not bringing a lot of complicated baggage with them.

I’m constantly surprised by the relationships that succeed and those that don’t.

Have faith and hope for the best.

You cannot control another person's life!

If the house came with conditions that you must remain single and can't marry your long term girlfriend, well that's just batshit.

If anything, OP has helped her son to get to a stage in life (much earlier than most) where he feels ready and secure enough to marry.

Well if that's how the OP feels then it was monumentally daft of her to sign the deed wasn't it. You're basically saying he should never get married because some day he may get divorced and someone else would financially benefit from the inheritance. It's quite a controlling viewpoint.

Maybe stop infantilising him; he's not a baby, he's a grown man with a good job and a solid long-term relationship.

Wait ring for the massive drip feed…

@CookieDoughJoe

In the UK in 2026, according to the ONS, the average marrying age for men is 34.8, for women it's 33 years.

Marriage among people in their early twenties has almost entirely bottomed out.

Only about 2% of men are married by the age of 25

So you would want your child to stay single forever?

Surely you would have thought about all this before handing over money, very odd are you going to ask for it back now?

My son's getting married next year, aged 25. He's been with his partner for 8 years, they love each other very much and I'm really happy for them.

Do you dislike her?

Someone has probably scrimped and saved and gone without to save that money. The OP has then gone without her inheritance to sign that deed of variation, thereby depriving herself of it. Hell yes I wouldn’t want 50% plus of it going out of my child’s hands.

I do understand that you badly want him to be happy, but unless you have kept giant red flags from your posts, who’s to say he won’t be?

Getting married is always a gamble, but their respective ages are not so young that it immediately indicates a concern.

We married only one year later than their respective ages, and that was 42 years ago.
Although two relations were heard to bitch, that they would only give the marriage 3 months…very satisfying to prove them wrong!

So, is this a ‘are they too young to be married’ question? Answer to that is no. Why would it be? What difference would it make if they live together for the next xyz number of years unmarried as opposed to married to you?

or is it a ‘is my sons girlfriend, who he has been with for 10 years going to run off with all his money’ question? Because the answer to that is, it’s his money and his property so his decision.

Sounds like he is very responsible, I dont think it’s too young either.

Given that they've been together over 9 years, your objection suggests that the problem is perhaps more that you don't like her?
I was younger when I married and still am 30+ years later.

So he should never get married then? 🙄

It’s a normal age to marry. It is also better to marry before children.

It's not especially young and they've been together years. Congratulations to them!

I don’t think they are worried about her being a predatory gold digger as such, just that she might be entitled to 50% and no matter how nice she is, not many people would voluntarily give that up. She’s probably got good intentions now but so many marriages fail, you would be stupid not to consider the implications - especially if they have kids. She might even get more than 50% then.

I’d agree that it’s young for nowadays - average marriage age is into the 30’s. Not unusual decades ago.

Very few people who are together at 18 these days are still together by 30 - it’s a classic “starter marriage”.

It sounds like he has made up his long though & you can’t really intervene.

I can't believe people are actually suggesting this.

What a horrible way to treat this girl, who has been with him for a decade.

Is it better if he splits up with her and then marries some other woman in his 30s? What's the difference? Or is he just never allowed to get married because he owns a property?

I think they’ve been together a long time, they have a house. Getting married is a good next step. They may want children then. Why not get on with it, no need to wait.

It isn’t a young age to marry And they’ve been together for pretty much ten years.

I don’t see your objection.

It's younger than average these days but certainly not too young. My sister and I both married at similar ages to that and our marriages are happily going strong over a decade later. He's certainly old enough to know his own mind and they've been together a very long time. I really wouldn't worry, they're not rushing things and he's a sensible sounding grown up.

I’d be worried too. Would he be open to the idea of a prenup? I know they aren’t legally binding but they have some sway. You could tell him to blame it on you insisting, especially since you presumably signed the deed of variation in his favour. Tbh I’d probably have actually already had that conversation before I signed it over.