AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

Perfectly good age to marry. It’s not like they’ve only known each other five minutes. Better to do their growing up together than try to retrofit two independent adult lives imo. Be happy for him!

For 'rent' read 'spent'! Too late to edit.

A fine and sisterly sentiment.

I can understand your concern that it is quite young to marry these days but there isn't much you can do about it.
Apologies if I have missed this but hhy did you do the deed of variation? What was your aim here?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/5575380-ex-partner-wants-house-bought-with-inheritance-despite-my-name-on-deeds

interesting replies on this thread. lots saying she should have thought through the consequences before putting both names on the deed. Although on this thread this would be done through marriage, the scenario is similar.

Seems to me like you’ve raised someone pragmatic and sensible who won’t end up taken advantage of. Good for you!

Also people have realised that you don’t have to make a proposed lifelong commitment and start popping out babies before your brain is fully developed? There’s a reason there is a higher divorce rate the younger you marry.

Presumably now they have a house & jobs they want to get married and then start a family. I agree they seem young but how would you feel if he decided to experience life a bit more & came home with a wife you couldn’t stand?

Be happy that he’s happy and settled. That’s what most of us are hoping for for our DC.

If she is lovely and they've been together a long time it seems the only worry you have is the inheritance money, but he could marry someone in 10 years time and the house would surely still be half hers in a divorce? Just because someone married later doesn't make them immune to divorce.

I got married at 22, after getting engaged at 20.
We are still married 15 years later.
Im not sure what the money has to do with anything.

OP I agree with you.
I gifted my children large sums of money to purchase properties (funded by the sale of our family home). We are not rich - and that money is all that they will get.
I would be devastated if any of them lost half of it in a divorce following a marriage so young. Because there would be nothing else.
One of mine won't marry their partner until they bring an equal amount to the table which I acknowledge sounds harsh but ultimately seems fair.

@Eralione Lets be honest, you issue isn't about the marriage its about the potential peril you see in regard to the monies you have gifted???

This is not an impulsive marriage, its been on the cards for ages and from the sounds of it you like your future DIL. They’ve been together nearly a decade, they’ve already weathered a breakup and got back together, both employed adults, they’ve bought a house and are already functioning as a committed couple. This is not an impulsive teenage romance. They’re basically a long‑term couple formalising what already exists.

You have a legitimate concern. You’re worried because the house was bought outright, the money came via a deed of variation, the house is (likely) in your son’s sole name, marriage changes the legal landscape & divorce could expose that asset.

Once married the house becomes a matrimonial asset, even if it’s in his sole name, even if she didn’t contribute financially, even if the money came from inheritance and Courts look at needs, fairness, length of relationship and contributions (financial and non‑financial).

Given they’ve been together since 14/15, a court would treat this as a long relationship, not a short marriage. So yes, the financial risk is real.

But here is the thing, you should have considered this when you gifted the monies as in all likelihood he was going to marry at some point, maybe not to her and this was always going to apply and I find it strange that given the length of time they have been together, this is now concerning you, it should be reassuring you UNLESS there is something you are not telling us?

In reality they have been together long enough that to all intents and purposes they live as a married couple and now they are just making it legal.

There is a solution for this should your son so wish and assuming the house is only in his name - a prenup. It protects the house, the inheritance, your son, protects her too, avoids future conflict, is increasingly common and is legally persuasive if done properly. But its also very unromantic and who knows how she will take it because if they intend to have kids it could change the landscape of her and the kids financial security should they separate unless that is covered in the prenup.

I think the relationship and how long they’ve been together matters more. I’d be concerned if my 40 year old child was marrying someone they just met rather than focusing on their age.

It’s not actually. It’s very young by today’s standards. The average age for a man to get married is something like 32.

Coupled with the fact that they have been together since school, the statistics for a successful marriage are not on their side.

That being said it’s not doomed to failure necessarily and ultimately his decision what he does with his money and assets.

Try not to fret about it - at least he's with someone you like. They may well have a long and happy marriage and I wish them well.

My boyfriend and I split up for exactly the same reason - different universities - and quickly discovered we didn't like other people nearly as much as we loved each other. Nearly 40 years and going strong.

"I’m worried they are just settling so young when they have much of the world to see!"

They can't do this together? Or when they're older perhaps? I said I was younger when I married... I was 22 and was 25 when we had our first child. My children are now grown up and living their own lives so DW and I are travelling the world now which is considerably easier since we tend to earn more as we get older. I am glad that you do like her at least but given they're been together so long already, why would getting married any later make any sort of difference?

Well this is the chance you take if you gift money or property to another person. You don't get to control their life.

Is it so surprising that a person that has been through uni and has a good secure job, who has been in a steady relationship for 9 years, and now has his housing sorted, might want to take the next step and marry his long term girlfriend?

I agree with you OP it is very young.
I would advise your son/help him to see a solicitor and get his inheritance ringfenced/ protected, a pre-nup to protect family assets.

I would think leaving university with a mountain of debt and trying to start a career in a difficult job market may have something to do with that. In any case living together is now completely accepted, so some people may see little point in marrying at all.

Are you saying that the sudden arrival of a load of money has somehow speeded up this marriage process?

I thought you were about to say he was 17 going on 18!

It may end 'in flames' (isn't it 'tears'?) if they marry now, or it may do so if they wait another 5 years.

If the woman wants children there is a finite amount of time to do this and if you wish to marry before procreation or have children fairly young then this age seems perfectly reasonable.

They are adults and it's not really about what you think anyway.

My boss and her DH got married at 20 and 22. Celebrated 44 years this year. Must be nice to enjoy that length on if time together. Maybe they want to start a family.
You would worry at any age as you've handed some money over but you can't control things.

They’ve been together 9 years so she’s hardly a gold digger or chancer is she? By that score you are unreasonable to mention the deed of variation.