AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

Our DS is 27 and his gf 31. Our son bought a house this year. He saved up and she's technically his lodger. He wanted her to be able to save as after living in a London rental for years she had no deposit. She's since inherited a substantial sum.
If they wanted to get married that would be their business. They have good mirror careers and are committed to each other . My DH and I married at 23 & 25 but we are the only ones of our siblings not to have been divorced. We didn't have our DC until twelve years later so in our mid to late thirties. We had traveled widely in that time.
Your gift has given them the one thing that is fundamental to peace of mind, shelter. Maslow is my hero for explaining how this effects everyone. I use the theory often for my staff. You did a wonderful thing. Stop trying to second guess their life. Be a fair MIL and enjoy raising a decent man (the sub text being would you rather he was a sh*gger?). Congratulations to you and him.

There no way that stat is correct. Maybe 11 years is the average length of marriages that have ended in divorce, but it certainly isn't the average length of marriages overall.

Approximately 40% end in divorce which means the other 60% last, and the vast majority of those will be far longer than 11 years.

I would be worried as well OP. I think by giving them effectively a house to live in you have encouraged them to move on to get married. I would have taken steps to protect the house you have given your son. In particular by putting it into trust. However, it is done now and I think you have to just go with it. Saying anything is only going to go down very badly.

It’s not too young and plenty of marriages end in flames. It’s called life. Let him crack on.

It seems young by todays standards but it doesn't matter if get married at 24, 34, 44, there are no promises to the future. Getting married is a leap of faith imo that they will work hard at it together to make it work. They do sound pretty sensible and committed though after so many years, I don't think the house has much do with anything. They are just luckier than many young people starting out, it may even help them because stress with money can be a major issue.

Support them, it's all you can do and keep your fingers crossed.

I was married younger than him. Three kids later we are still happy. It really depends on the people and the situation, statistically we probably shouldn’t have worked out (married within a year, under 20) but it did.

If you’re concerned because you think his girlfriend has pressured him then I understand that, but surly you’ve raised someone who can decide for himself what he wants? Have faith in him (and how you’ve raised him to be). A little worry is natural but he’s genuinely not that young.

I got married at 23. We're just about to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. It's been tough at times and easy at others. We've weathered the storms together and it's made us a team. We have grown together and are still very much in love.
No prenup. We've always shared everything!

He is an adult.

If he was mine, I’d think he was too young too. But I would know it was none of my business.

He IS young but what are you going to do about it? If you try to intervene you risk pushing him away. If he asks for your opinion then by all means give it but if he doesn't I would keep quiet. Far better for him to have someone to come to if his marriage does come into problems than not have anyone to turn to if he distanced himself from you for not supporting the marriage.

The average marriage lasts 11 years. So most marriages don't make it.

We married young (dh was 20) but didn't have dc until our 30s. I don't feel we missed out on anything. We traveled, built our careers, accumulated enough wealth to be able to both slow down when we eventually had dc, and most importantly, had enough history together that when things got tough we knew this too would pass and the time for us as a couple would come again later.

Many of my friends and siblings married in their 30s, rushed into having dc and their marriages didn't survive the experience. I also have friends who married in their 20s and divorced. Having dc too soon seems like it's much more of a risk factor than age, and when you marry late you don't have the option to postpone that indefinitely.

By today's standards they are pretty young to marry but they have been together a fair while.

When we married I was 25 and DH 23 and had only known each other 5 months. We have been married nearly 50 years.

Mainly because it’s so expensive to live and women have more career aspirations and opportunities than even 20 years ago. Plus sex and having babies out of wedlock are completely normal now so the urgency to marry is not there.
The financial aspect has been solved by OP and so now that hurdle is out of the way. Perhaps they just want to take the next step in their commitment to each other.

Not if my cohort of close university friends from the late 60s are anything to go by. All but one married within 5 years of graduation (she waited until she was 38) and only one out of the seven of us has been divorced, followed by a long-lasting second marriage. Sadly 3 are now recently widowed.

His decision. Best to keep quiet, and just support it. If it goes wrong, you need to have left the door open.

My friends parents were together from 15, until one of them sadly died of cancer in early 60s.
Theirs was the only relationship I envied!.
I do think it's young these days, but I think the 9 years counts for more.

A lot of later marriages don’t last either. The couples have had a long independent life, settling mid 30’s have children in quick succession, menopause mixed with DC through teenage years. Not easy to survive.

And you see it on MN all the time. If the OP is a regular here it might be why she is concerned.

And, yes, before anyone says, I know you only hear about the break ups on here, but the statistics also bear this out as you say.

Exactly. My Mum married at 24 and is still happily married. It would be easy to use her as a success story. However she is the only one of her peer group (including her two siblings) who married around then that is still with her first husband. My Gran was 17. Mum was 24. I was 31. The opportunities I had as a young woman beyond marriage were astronomical compared to the generations before me and I wanted to take advantage of them.

By that logic why does anyone of any age get married. Approximately 40% will end in divorce so why bother at all. He's younger than many but presumably not completely stupid and should it end in divorce then it's unfortunate but no more unfortunate than any other marriage he may have entered into when he was older.

No, they’re not too young. More and more young people are getting married in their 20’s, they saw the 2000 where everyone insisted anything under 35 wasn’t the normal.

His inheritance is his now, if you make any comments about this, you’ll lose out.

Or someone who will end up bitter and alone because they value money and a warped concept of ‘fair’ over a shared life with someone they love….

I’d say he was too young.

But I got married at 21. I’m 46 now and looking back, I missed out on so much. But perhaps that was more due to having a child at 22.

But I wish I’d waited.

That first marriage last ten years, by the time I was 30, I really felt like I’d missed out on life and I left him.

Lots of people saying but I married young and we are still together. Yes that’s fine for you, but lots of young marriages don’t make it. Stats show that they outnumber those that do.

It’s young-ish to get married nowadays, but I think it’s usually because it’s so hard to save for a wedding and a house now.
It certainly sounds like a strong relationship if they’ve been together for so long already.
Let’s face it, he could marry at 30 and divorce at 40, nothing is guaranteed.
I think in hindsight the money situation would be settled before he proposed, because as much as his partner may be absolutely lovely, I’d want to protect my son’s inheritance for him too.
Not sure on the relationship or how you could broach it now, I’d happily have that conversation with my son or potential daughter in law if she were the one in that position. It would be a wonderful world to not have to think of practical stuff, but life and people change. I don’t see an issue in protecting things pre marriage / moving in (for either party)

Back to their ages though and honestly I think all that matters is they are sure and that they’re happy no matter how old.